[talaniman]

I think you will really enjoy single life. There is a lot of fun that you will enjoy, ahead for you. Do I sound like a psychic or what, LOL!:D

[Jiser]

Meeting new people well? Plenty of ways.. You may meet your next GF!

Through a sport I still do I eventually met most of my current friends and ex. Through my first proper part time job I have my two current best mates - one who I didn't speak to for 3 years.

Start new hobbies, join education classes, try new things by yourself. Be confident, outgoing, don't judge a book by its covers, be friendly, don't back stab, look out for your own interests.

[tugman_1]

If you need someone to talk to my e-mail is [email protected]

[sypher373]

Don't think of this as a step backwards, I guess I'm just thinking ahead:

--------

Why do I still care about how she feels? Why is it that I'm worried about next week, when she is out of school, that she is going to want to start spending more time with me? I know the simple answer is: NO, absolutely not. The problem is, I am afriad that I will begin to feel bad ignoring her/saying no.

Maybe this is normal, but I feel so angry, so wronged when I think about it by myself. I understand that I have been pushed aside, and I have every right to be angry with her, however, in the past, when she has come around, I suddenly forget all of this. Its like when she has come around, the slate is wiped clean, and she gets a fresh restart...

Has anyone ever felt this way?

[talaniman]

Every time a relationship ends, it takes a while to reconcile those intense feelings, and even get over having them whenever you see an ex. Even 30 years later no matter what happened you still get some of those feelings back when you run into them. Weird I know, but unavoidable. Wait until you've had 3 or 4, really deep relationships, oh boy!! That's right even after time and getting married, your poor heart will go pitter pat! Sorry, but who said life was easy.

[SAB123]

Even 30 years later no matter what happened you still get some of those feelings back when you run into them.

In one of my ex's break up with me, I sent a picture of me and my family and friends and when she saw it she called and wanted to see me. That's when I took her back. Question:Could just by running into them years later if dumper is single, could they want you back.Even with so many break ups and problems they had with you in relationship?

[sypher373]

Sorry, but who said life was easy.

Wouldn't it be nice to be 13 years old again :D

[emopunk7]

Of course it's playing games... My friend... See how she left and is with another guy? You still want her and you will try anything. Well how about you move on and if she wants you, then she will try for you too. If you like her so much that even if she is with a man you'd take her back then you can do the same. And if she wants you back, she will want you back regardless... Don't lie to yourself saying well maybe if I don't try to move on it can happen and she will see I care. She knows u care now so what's the difference... Move on, if it's going to happen then it will happen. Honestly it's the best of both worlds. You move on and learn to enjoy life where you might find someone better and you will be happy, and if she comes in the picture, you can have 2 decisions to decide on, whether to saty with her or with the new life... It's the greatest feeling. But you're so miserable rght now and your heart is poundin every second harder and harder. You did all you can and if they couldn't see it, they are not worth it. I know it's hard to see, but there is something so much better for you! Believe it! Also, pray at night!

[emopunk7]

So...

[sypher373]

Just a little thought update guys:

Yesterday and today were pretty good days for me for the most part. Ive been going out, just running stupid errands with my friends to keep me busy. Its nice to be out of the house. I still have another week or so until most of my friends are back for the summer.

The past hour or two have been a little rough. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm thinking about her, and how it is her last night at school. She should be moving her stuff home tonight, and I just get these crazy 'what-if' scenarios running through my head. As in: "What if she knows shes hardly going to see him anymore, so tonight she is going to have sex with him". Its pretty disgusting, and I'm a bit embarrassed to think that way - but its just the way it goes.

Nevertheless, I'm going to my friends house in a little bit for a party. Hopefully that will get my mind off things. Trying to keep busy and just get out of the house has been my tactic for a while now, I'm just hoping these stupid scanarios will go away. Im nearly 100% certain they aren't even remotely true - but I guess insecurites are getting the best of me.

[grammadidi]

Get out of the house! :D Go have fun, and if she shows up... leave!

Now, let's play a little game. It's called "What If?".

Let's see...

1. What if... she knows that she's hardly going to see him anymore so she DOES have sex with him? Would you still be in love with her? Would you still want to try to work things out? Would you still like to be her friend?

2. What if... you didn't know her at all. You go to a party tonight and you meet a girl who knocks your socks off! Then, you ask around about her. Someone tells you that she is supposedly this guy Sam's girlfriend. Then someone else tells you that she asked Sam for a 'break' because she had feelings for another guy. You talk to Sam. Sam tells you than he has been trying to get over her and move on with his life for months now, but he just can't let go. He tells you how he almost gets over the worst of the pain... starts moving on... then WHAMMO! She calls him... she spends time with him "just as friends" of course, but then holds his hand or kisses him. He tells you that he has told her it is far too painful for him to continue to have contact with her but she keeps calling, texting, sending IM's or emails. Tell me, Sypher... do you still find this gal attractive?? Is she girlfriend material?? Better yet, is she friend material?? Or do you walk on past her and ask someone else if they would like a drink or a dance?

You keep saying that you want to be friends with her. I think you are fooling yourself. You want to make yourself available for her in case she dumps this guy or accepts that it can't go any further. You don't really want to be friends. You have this idealistic dream. You have this idealistic view of who she is, for Pete's sake!

If she sleeps with this guy it is because she doesn't respect or care for you. So, you pick yourself up, stop dreaming of reconciliations, continue with no contact and move on. I mean seriously move on.

You also keep saying that these scenarios aren't even remotely true. I fear that you have your rose coloured glasses on, mister! Take them off and listen to this... she threw you over because she has feelings for this guy. She knows it can't go anywhere, but she did it all the same. Do you not realize that she is doing with this guy exactly what you are doing with HER??

There is someone out there who will appreciate the man that you are... who will love you deeply from within... who would never even DREAM of asking you for a break. She will work as hard as you do to keep your relationship together. You will never find her if you keep clinging to this non-existent relationship. I don't want to hurt you... but your relationship is over... and, because your relationship is over she probably will sleep with someone else at some point.

You do best when you keep busy, stay out, stop thinking about her so obsessively, etc. So do it!

I know you are doing what you need to do. I just want you to continue to do it.

What will you do if she calls? (Say, sorry, I'm just on my way out, I'll try to call you tomorrow... then DON'T!! ) This will make you feel a lot less powerless and hurt (and will make you more attractive to her, btw)

Go on, get off this computer and get out for the evening. Enjoy yourself and have a great time. Tell your friends you are back on the market and would love to meet other women for some casual dating... you know... someone to go to the show with, out for breakfast, etc. It'll be difficult, but it will be good.

Have a good time tonight, Sypher.

Hugs, Didi

[sypher373]

Thanks didi, I appreciate the response.

I have just gotten home from the party, and I wanted to respond to let you all know how I am feeling. I am not going to lie, I have corrected my typing 10 times since I have written this sentence, I probably drank too much :(

It is hard. I expected her to call me and she didn't. At the same time, it is easier that she didn't call me. I enjoyed myself tonight. I didn't once think about what someone else was gooing to think of me, I just had fun, and enjoyed myself. It has been a long time since I have been able to do that.

While I am happy that I enjoyed myself, I am also upset that she is so upset about leaving this "someone" behind. I am not going to lie to you, I have checked her away message tonight. The away message has started to mess with my mind:

" If I don't say this now I will surely break


As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate........."

It hurts me to read this, even though I know I shouldn't have. You can yell at me, and I know tomorrow I will agree with you, it just hurts to know that she is more upset about someone else than she is about me. I just my only justification is that she will be hurt someday like this in the future - as much as tha pains me.

Someone tell me what is wrong with me? Why is it that I feel so inferiour because one person left me for someone else.

Am I that worthless that I can be replaced by one person that has done so little with his life. I have given up so much in my life to be the best boyfriend to her. I wanted to always be the bes tto her, and make her feel the most special she has ever felt in her life. Sometimes I feel like I am just wasting my time.

Im sure it is just the alcohol talking, and I am sorry if you are disappointed in me, but I feel it is better than sitting home alone dwelling on the fact that she is no longer with me. I am upset that she doesn't care how I feel, and that I am only a backup, and I wish that I would keep this conviction and allow myself to meet new people and possibly develop a new relatinship. I would love that, even thoughI know I am not truly ready.

Someone please slap me across the face with realty :( :( :( :(

[sypher373]

Didi,

I appreciate your response. I agree that if she has done this, she has no feeling for me, and it will be hard, but I must let it go. I don't want to hold onto an idealistic dream. I know it must seem to you like I am a nice guy, and I have a lot to ffer, though for some reason, it seems to me as if she wants nothing more than a guy with good looks.

It is hard for me to get up and accept the fact that she is so shallow as to throw me to the curb, but I guess there is no other choice.

It hurts, but it is the only choice left. I just only wish that she saw the error in her ways and realized that I am what she has been looking for.
I am afraid I will never find what I want :(


EDIT:

This hurts to write, but I feel bad that she is upset. I don't know why, she has made it clear that she doesn't care at all how I feel, but I also feel bad for the paint that she is going throguh, and I wish that I could stop it. I wish that the last three months could be erased and we could start over. The music I am listening to makes me want to go for a drive, even though I know I am much too beyond control for that :(

[talaniman]

Your probably sleep as I write this and will feel bad reading your semi drunken rant, when you get up, But I'm not going to slap you, you deserve a pat on the back for putting your thoughts down, and going to bed instead of driving drunk or calling her, a sure sign of knowing what the right thing to do is. Glad you enjoyed yourself last night.

[sypher373]

I do feel bad reading it now, but I still feel the same way. I was going to do a lot of editing, but I guess ill tleave it the way it is.

I think I'm upset that she didn't try to call me. As much as that would have probably made this harder, I was almost expecting her to, and when she didn't it hurt me.

It just seems like it's a step backward - I guess when she was away I told myself she was busy, and she had an excuse not to talk to me. Now that she's not - I don't have an excuse to give her anymore...

I feel like I'm back at the stage where I want to call and beg/cry and ask why she doesn't love me anymore. This is pathetic.

EDIT: Sorry If I sounded like a baby in my last few posts. I think it was just one of those down moments and I was letting it get to me. Im still upset about it, but I'm feeling a little better. Im going to be taking the drive I wanted last night in a few minutes - plus I have to buy some clothes for my new job :) The up and down cycle really sucks... no way to make it even sound pleasant. Im back from my upset stage and back at the acceptance stage - which seems to be the best place for me. It doesn't mean that I'm not upset, but I understand what's happening. The rejection feeling is a little tough to deal with, I feel a little like I've been compltetly forgotten, like she never thinks about me anymore. Sure that doesn't matter, but I'm pretty sure its not true... sigh, loves a b!tch

[grammadidi]

Ah, but Sypher... do you see? First of all, it is not pathetic. You loved her, she is the only one that you have ever loved and it's hard to let go. But, there is something more here and it all seems to be related to... you are taking her rejection to be a sign that there is something wrong within yourself!

Let me ask you this? What if the situation were a little different? What if you realized that although you cared for her and didn't want to hurt her, you knew that deep down you just didn't feel the love that you wanted to experience for the rest of your life? What would you do? Would that make her ugly or mean that as a person she was a failure? Would that make you a horrible person or shallow? Or would it just mean that all the things that should be there to create a loving, warm, lasting, strong relationship just wasn't there with this person?

See... you want to know why she doesn't love you anymore. What if (here we go again) there IS no clear cut answer?? What if she just doesn't feel it? It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad partner. It just means that the connection between you just isn't enough.

Would you please do me a favour? Would you please go and read this: Sometimes. Maybe you can understand a little better why things are happening the way they are.

By the way... I don't think you are taking a step backwards at all! You are moving through your pain. You must move through it to heal. You're getting there. You really are!

Hugs, Didi

PS: Please don't use alcohol as a way of coping with your pain. It doesn't work, it just temporarily removes it so that when it comes back it feels that much more worse. (What terrible grammar!) Heh-heh!

[sypher373]

Thanks Didi,

I read that, and I like it. It reminded me of something I read a couple of days ago:

On how to deal with any failure: "Learn from what you did wrong, if anything, then forget it and move on."

I like that, though I won't forget this, I need to treat it as a life experience. It is making me much stronger, and I know that already. There are already countless changes in my life that would not have happened had we not broken up. I've noticed just in everyday life I am getting good responses from being more outgoing and friendly. Its great, its pretty uplifting actually.

Here's where my worry comes from:

She did call me today. I missed the call, but called back a few hours later out of courtesy. She was just calling to see how I was. I talked for about 10 minutes, then I ended the conversation on my terms. I could have talked longer, but I figured id let it go on my terms instead of the other way around. The weird thing is, since then she has called me quite a few times. I don't know if its becusae she is bored, if she misses me... whatever. I really don't care either, its not much of my concern anymore. Im starting to get used to being single, and its not all bad :) The only thing I'm concerned about is if it is okay for me to takl to her as a friend, if I have no intentions of it being anything more. I think a lot of the anger and resentment I've had over what she did to me killed the romantic feelings I still had for her, but she was a good friend, and someone I liked to spend time with. I guess I'm just looking for someone's opinion of the situation, and me talking to her. It probably doesn't look like I am completely over not being with her... im confused

[talaniman]

It probably doesn't look like I am completely over not being with her... im confused

No conact gives you a chance to deal with your feelings without undue pressure or influence from the ex. Failure to do so ends in confusion and false hope, and a tendency to retard the healing process.

4th notice, failure to pay attention will cost money to repeat these suggestions.:eek: :D

[SouthernBelle06]

She did call me today. I missed the call, but called back a few hours later out of courtesy.

The only thing im concerned about is if it is okay for me to takl to her as a friend, if i have no intentions of it being anything more. I think a lot of the anger and resentment ive had over what she did to me killed the romantic feelings i still had for her, but she was a good friend, and someone i liked to spend time with.

I guess im just lookin for someones opinion of the situation, and me talking to her. It probably doesnt look like I am completely over not being with her.....im confused

Is this a joke? Seriously Sypher, I think you already have already gotten a ton of opinions on here on the topic of continuing talking to her and doing what you continue to do. It seems as if the only advice you truly want is "how to get her back". Stop with the "I want to be just her friend and I'm ok talking to her" lines already. We all know that this isn't true. You may be fooling yourself but not us. Someone else pointed out that you want to be "friends" with her only because you hope it will lead to getting her back. It rarely works that way. Be advised (again!). Is that kind of friendship a true one anyway? No. Because you have a hidden agenda.

I feel for your pain, I really do, but I can see why frustration is becoming apparent in people's replies to you now. You won't take anyone's advice unless it's what you want to hear. I would almost advise you to send a PM to Wildcat21 at this point!

Just for fun, browse over Wildcat's repy to this post (particularly the paragraph "Move On") . Take what you will from the rest of it :
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...html#post28262

[sypher373]

SouthernBelle,

Im not sure why you are so convinced that I have a hidden agenda. My point is not to fool anyone, not do I have any intentions of trying to be back with her. I assure you that I have been through enough pain at her hand to want to be in a relationship again.

I also pointed out the fact that I have made a lot of changes in my life (at least begun to) which never wuold have happened had none of this happened to me. I am beginning to enjoy it more and more.

For the last couple of weeks I have had no intentions of "getting her back" and I have not once asked for information on "how to get her back". Please don't tell me that when I say I want to be friends with her that I am lying. There are many things that I am, though I take serious offense to being called a lair.

Not once did I say that I am okay to talk with her. I stated simply that the conversation that I had with her did not affect my overall mood/thought process today. The only reason I wrote that is becuause I thought it was a sign of improvement, and I for one am proud of it.

Perhaps I wrote the post in a misleading way, I was just trying to put my thoughts down, as I have been for the past few weeks, and see what peoples opinions on them were.

To claim that I am not listening to anyone's advice angers me. If anyone else shares that opinion I would wish they would tell me. I would hate to be writing here everyday, just to keep my thoughts organized, and have people assume I am taking the advice that I am giving and throwing it out the window.

Thank you for your replies, SouthernBelle, I am happy that you care enuogh to respond and read through my posts... but quite frankly, I'm pissed off by what seems to be an attack based on something that simply isn't true. I DARE you to pull up a post of mine from a month ago, and tell me I am the same person I was then. Its simply not true.