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Cherlem · Apr 29, 2007, 02:06 PM

I'm scaling down my original question just to get some "black & white" answers.

Is giving out a phone number, while on a break (when you aren't supposed to see other people) considered cheating? Is this breakup worthy?

sypher373 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:15 PM

While I wouldn't technically consider it cheating, It wouldn't be something that I would do -- and I wouldn't be happy if my partner did it while we were on a break.

If it was clearly determined that the rules of the 'break' are to have time to oneself, and NOT to see other people, it doesn't seem appropriate.

I wouldn't see it as breaking the rules, but its certainly a step towards breaking the rules.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:17 PM

No

JoeCanada76 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:23 PM

And another no.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 29, 2007, 02:29 PM

I will say yes, if you give out your phone number you are telling them to call you, which means you are wanting to go out, hook up or something,
Ask the married husband with a phone number in his pocket if his wife thinks it is cheating.

If you promised to stay true, not to see others, it also means you don't go shopping for someone to see.

So you are either going to remain true of you need to be in a real break up or get back together,

JoeCanada76 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:31 PM

Father Chuck, I think this is a case of a true break up. Reality has not hit yet.

Asking different questions and wording them differently is not going to help. You were on a break. Simple. Most breaks lead to break ups, simple.

That is it. You had a choice and you found out people were still interested but you did not act on it so it is not cheating.

In any case, I think your boyfriend was looking for any reason to be out of the relationship anyway, now he has the out. You need to let go of it and move on.

Joe

Cherlem · Apr 29, 2007, 02:43 PM

Thank you Joe. I suppose you are right.

I'm still finding it very difficult to deal with a guy that supposedly cared about & loved me would dump me over something as trivial as this. Maybe he has a different perception of it, but I never even got the chance to explain my side.

I'm not taking the fact that I am being made out to be some cheating slut & liar too well...

sypher373 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Father Chuck, I think this is a case of a true break up. Reality has not hit yet.

Asking different questions and wording them differently is not going to help. You were on a break. Simple. Most breaks lead to break ups, simple.

That is it. You had a choice and you found out people were still interested but you did not act on it so it is not cheating.

In any case, I think your boyfriend was looking for any reason to be out of the relationship anyway, now he has the out. You need to let go of it and move on.

Joe

Joe,

I agree with Fr, but only on a certain condition. I was going to post in the original post, but the circumstances of her breakup seem to indicate that she has done nothing wrong. The reason I suggest in this thread that it is not the right thing to do is because she seemed to want to cut all other influcences from the equation and just as a simple question. With no other outside influences, if a "healthy" relationship is on a break, where the rules do not allow seeing other people, I wouldn't consider this appropriate. Though I must also add, if the relationship was healthy, there is no reason to be on a break.

zavuser · Aug 25, 2007, 04:59 AM

Yeah I think so there must be a reason why they are having a break and usually breaks like that leads to breaking... but well as long as the result is not yet seen, well depends on why you gave the number in the first place if its for friendship then its okay but if its for something like a reservation in case things would not really work out then I am considering that well it's a form of cheating

kp2171 · Aug 25, 2007, 07:49 AM

I've always dated women who had and kept guy friends... so I tend to lean toward it not being cheating really, but in that murky middle... is going to the club, dancing, meeting a guy, and spending the night talking to him and dancing cheating? no.

Would your ex be mad if he had seen you do that? Ill bet. I think he just needed some reason to push him over the edge, and you prompty supplied it.

Giving a "new guy" your number is more intimate... it is an invitation toward some kind of relationship, whatever it is... it doesn't mean you did anything morally wrong, and it doesn't mean your ex should put up with anything he's uncomfortable about. You might be well within your comfort zone giving the guy your number. That doesn't mean your ex bf's paranoia is wrong or unreasonable... or right for that matter.

So... should you be guilty? Well... I'm not sure you should be, but you should at least learn a lesson here. I had a girlfriend whod say "you dont get in trouble for things you dont do"... and sometimes I thought that sneaked into "things you dont get caught doing"... such as exploring other relationships without dating the other men... shopping around. Not cheating... but setting up the next best thing.

Well... setting up for the next best thing is really you emotionally leaving the relationship in a comfortable way, and EVEN IF that isn't what you were doing, it can be seen like that was an option.

So the lesson learned I guess is be aware, if on a break-with-strings that actions that might be perceived as your setting up for the next thing just might break the strings holding together whatever was left.

So... who gets to wear the Big Badge of Blame? Probably a case where you both get to point fingers at each other and friends will support you without thinking you're kidding yourself.

MayMsredrose · Aug 26, 2007, 04:42 AM

Yes it's cheating because even if you are in break it's still mean that you are committed to someone and you did not state clearly that this relationship is over... I think you have to reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend because it's obvious that you do not love him or you are serious about your relationship with him.

Ms. Redrose