[Cherlem]

My boyfriend & I were "on a break". We both agreed we weren't going to see other people. We were supposed to "start fresh" next week.

We've only been dating about 3 months. The reason for our break was because of our fighting. We kept fighting because I found out he was still married while he was dating me. He acted like he was divorced. He played ignorant & “didn't realize” the divorce wasn't final yet. Supposedly, there was a problem with the payment to his lawyer. Once he paid off the lawyer his divorce was final a few days later. After this drama was the dating sites. He was a member of about 5 different dating services. (He paid for 3 of them). He kept them all active while dating me. (Eventhough, we were exclusive). He supposedly never visited them while he was with me. I asked them to delete them & he said “I have no idea where this relationship is going. I paid for a full year. I do not want to lose out on that money in case this relationship doesn't work out”. I managed to give him the benefit of the doubt. I cared about him & wanted this to work.

We decided we cared enough about each other & had enough in common to want to try this. We realized we kind of hopped right into the relationship & we didn't really become friends first. Thus, I came up with the break idea. He said he would not be opposed to that. I usually do not agree with "taking a break". But, in our instance this seemed valid & necessary.

But, I screwed up. I was drinking & met a friend of a friend. He was cute. (We didn't even really talk!) At the end of the evening I tried calling my boyfriend. He hit ignore on his phone. I then texted my girlfriend & said "Hey. Can you give D my number if he's interested? S is being an -ss". Trouble is, I accidentally sent that to the boyfriend.

I am NOT a cheater. Never have been, never will be. I know that even if “D” called me I would not have talked to him. I believe the only reason I wanted the number was “just in case”. It sounds awful. But, after all, I am the one that came up with the break idea. My BF just went along with it. In the back of my mind I was always doubting if he was really in this at all.

He has now broke up with me & is not taking my calls. He calls this "intent to cheat". Any ideas on how to make this better? BF is overly paranoid about this. He even told me last night "Why wouldn't you cheat? Every other girl I've ever dated has cheated". So, he's automatically lumping me in with those girls...

He has now said he never wants to speak to me again. Every attempt to explain, apologize, etc has been unanswered & this was 2 days ago.

Do you really think he means this? Or do I just give him space?

[JoeCanada76]

FIRST - your not an idiot. You are on a break.

SECOND - you did not see anybody? Did you?

THIRD - who decided to go on the break and for what reason?

FOURTH - Your EX BOYFRIEND, has very low self esteem and it seems like he wants to give people a reason not to be with him. He needs to stop comparing you to his past girlfriends. I would say this is one of the big problems in this relationship.

FIFTH - If he does not want to speak to you again, honestly in my opinion your probably better off anyway.

SIXTH - If you want, Best idea is give him space but I think you need to re think whether this person is right for you or not.

SEVEN - YES SPACE IS GOOD, THAT IS WHAT YOU TWO WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?

Joe

[ordinaryguy]

I think he's gone. Take a lesson in the risky nature of game-playing.

[talaniman]

He is gone and good riddance. You don't need any one who has one foot out the door, and is so insecure in this relationship, that he pays to be on dating sites?? What does that tell you? It tells you that all this drama is beneath you, and you should move on with a better class of boyfriends. Wake up will you, he is screaming he is a no clue jerk!!!!

[Cherlem]

I don't want to play the "blame game" & I know two wrongs do not make a right. But, under the circumstances for the break & the fact that it was my idea my self-esteem & confidence in this relationship was waivering. I guess that is why I got the phone number. Still this is NOT considered cheating, right? I'm not the whore & liar he is making me out to be, right? I'm having the hardest time dealing with this issue. I've NEVER cheated. I wish he realized I do have morals.

Regarding the divorce not being final: I really did believe him. He seemed so ignorant on the matter. He thought the divorce decree was his final divorce papers. Maybe I'm stupid to believe him.

Regarding the dating sites: He hadn't been on them since we started dating. & he did "hide" the profiles. Yet, he still did not delete them "just in case". Is that still bad?

Also, today is his birthday. I of course still want this to workout. (Give me some time guys. I'm still in shock.) Do I call, send a text, etc?

[lemomo]

Yikes. Sounds a little messy from both sides. His and yours. Not judging, as you are human, and we all make mistakes. Would you consider that maybe continuing with the break might be the nest thing for both of you right now? Three months into a relationship is usually the honeymoon phase, the fighting should not be so bad at this point that you feel the need to take a break already...
I would say both of you have equally harmed the relationship, and that neither of you have really given yourself 100% to this new relationship. Maybe take this time to think about what you really want. And, if you feel like sending him a card, note, present for is birthday, by all means, do so. Just don't expect that he's going to want to reconcile because of it. He is still hurting, and he feels betrayed.