[Genuineforce]

Hey all! Question for you guys, here's the situation, I'll try to keep it short:

My girlfriend maybe a couple months ago made me think that she wasn't honest with me, I didn't want to pick on her with my own insecurities, so I left it alone, never even mentioned it to her. It was because I asked her if she had fun one night after she was hanging out with friends. She replied "yes I had fun, yea I was so tired last night I'm glad I got a lot of work done" To me that speech pattern and what she said made no sense about anything, so it seemed that it was some sort of lie to cover up what she really did that night. But as I said I didn't say anything about that and left it alone.

Recently I just get the feeling that she talks to (possibly more) other guys. She still logs on to the dating site that I met her on. She has been there at least 3 times a week for the last couple months. Actually I hacked into her account to see if she was talking to anyone, she hadn't sent any messeges to anyone, but she did send winks, and there is an option to choose if you think you'd match well with someone, her and a couple guys have clicked that to each other. I got suspicious because why would she keep going on that site, we have been together for 7 months now. So today I created a fake profile, pretending to be someone else. Now she lists her contact info if you want to chat with her, so it was easy to start chatting with her as this other guy.

So far she has revealed to me that she doesn't have a boyfriend, and is "fishing" around, since she's "just got out of a 7 year relationship". She went into detail to me about what kind of guy she likes etc. So as you can imagine I am pissed off.

My question: Is she cheating on me already? Should I break up with her? Tell her that I caught her? Or maybe keep up with the fake profile to get more proof? How do you all think I should deal with this issue? I appreciate all of your help in other posts, and I respect you guys opinions

[RubyPitbull]

Both of you haven't been honest with each other. She is looking for someone else. It doesn't really matter why at this point. You hacked into her computer and created this crazy scenario. All it tells me is that neither of you is right for the other. The basic trust and communication that should be in a relationship doesn't exist. It appears to me that your relationship has run it's course. You both need to get out of it and move on.

Don't get into any confrontations. Just tell her things don't seem to be working out and break up with her. I am pretty confident she won't argue with you.

[Lowtax4eva]

Hmmm, it's so iffy, if you ask her about why she keeps using the site she could say she just likes talking to people on the site and nothing more, which is possible depending how the site is set up.

Of course if she changed her profile from single to dating and then back to single that would be suspicious.

Where was she going and what was she supposedly going to do that night you mentionned above, she said " I was so tired last night I'm glad I got a lot of work done", was she going to study or something? I don't know, a bit more info...

One way to know for sure is to try and arrange a date as this fake profile and see what she says, I don't know, mostly it's up to you, is she worth all this wondering? If she's on dating sites you have to ask what else is she doing that you don't know about.

[Emland]

Okay, it appears she is a liar and a player but, you are a liar and a sneak - so who is the bad guy here?

You both need to grow up a bit and learn communication skills before entering into a long term relationship.

[Genuineforce]

Thanks all! That night she was just hanging out with her female friend. So that's why I don't understand how her response fits into everything

[Genuineforce]

I don't understand, why am I a liar and a sneak? You all know that you can't accuse someone without proof, how else are you supposed to REALLY find out? You know that the person will deny everything, otherwise they wouldn't be telling you they are loyal and honest

[Emland]

I dont understand, why am I a liar and a sneak?

You hacked into someone's computer and you don't think that is dishonest? You pretend to be someone else? You might as well break up now, once you reveal what you have done she will be livid. I would never trust you again. You can't prove she has done anything wrong, but you admit to your dishonesty.

[Lowtax4eva]

I think what she is trying to say is that yes your girlfriend is acting sneaky but there is a chance nothing is going on, she might just be talking casually online, not looking to hook up and if you confront her with the messages she is sending on this dating site and that you made a profile to watch her you're the one that looks bad.

[Genuineforce]

? Excuse me? But I thought I explained that I caught her? No? I have her talking to this "guy" she seems interested in "him" says that she doesn't have a boyfriend, she mentions an ex she had for 7 years, but she skips right over me and her, says she's been "testing the waters" but what about out 7 month relationship, Do I deserve this, and also HOW ELSE COULD I HAVE FOUND OUT WITHOUT FALSE ACCUSATION? AND I Don't MEAN ASKING HER, CUZ YOU ALL KNOW A PLAYER WILL CONTINUE TO LIE

[RubyPitbull]

Sorry Emland, my rep is running slow and keeps throwing me out of the site.

Genuine, Emland is right on the money. What you have done is shown a complete lack of maturity in handling your situation. It is too late now to fix it. There is a reason why she has been looking around. Maybe she is a player, as you say, if that is how you choose to look at it. But, after a few months of dating and all is well, for someone to suddenly start doing this tells me there is something deeper going on. She has realized that you are not the person for her and is looking for someone else. Whatever her reasons for it, are not really important. The fact is, she is looking to make a change and no matter what you say or do, it won't change that. I suspect that this has probably been building up for quite a while and she probably didn't know how to extricate herself from the relationship with you. So, she has just made it easy for you. Break it off with her. You will both be happier in the long run.

[Genuineforce]

Thanks, I know what you are saying, do you think I should mention this over the phone? Or in person, this is a long distance relationship, I would be seeing her most likely next Friday

[RubyPitbull]

Personally, I wouldn't waste any more of my time. I would do it over the phone and not deal with the face to face unless you are prepared to tell her what you have done. Then, by all means, do the face to face. But, expect it to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable and possibly breakdown into an argument or yelling match. I guess you have to go with your gut on this one. Just think about whether you really want to see her again and get it all off your chest or would just rather jump ship and move on.

[Emland]

thanks, I know what you are saying, do you think i should mention this over the phone? or in person, this is a long distance relationship, i would be seeing her most likely next friday

Depends on whether you prefer being screamed at over the phone or in person.

[Genuineforce]

I want to be face to face, because she has lied enough, at least let her see that I know the truth and see if she can be grown enough to admit it. The think is if she admits it I may consider working through it with her, but I know the truth mostly comes out in person with eye contact

[RubyPitbull]

Genuine, do what you are comfortable with but don't kid yourself about working it through. Let her go. It is apparent that she wants to leave. And, will you ever be able to truly trust her again?

Let me ask you something, do you question her as to everything that she is doing when she is not with you? You know, every time you speak with her, do you say, "So, what are you up to today?" or "So, where did you go last night? Who did you hang out with?"