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Kimberly60 · Apr 24, 2007, 09:09 AM

My daughter informed me that it would be proper etiquette for the mother of her boyfriend to contact me (her mother) regarding her pregnancy if they were married. They are not married and are not planning a wedding. The boyfriends mother is going to call me regarding this as proper etiquette. My daughter is 21, her boyfriend 30. I have never heard of this etiquette nor understand what to expect or how to respond.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 24, 2007, 10:32 AM

Ok, the other grandparents of the new child is going to call the other grandparents about the child. There are often many arrrangements from a nursery in the home to things that will need to be bought. So it is common that the new grandparents try to see if they can work together to do things for the new baby. So I believe not only should they call each other but most likely get together over dinner and discuss what they can do for the new baby.

While I firmly believe couples should be married, in today's society over 1/2 of couples are not married when they get pregnant and that is not a reason to get marrired in today's society.

lacuran8626 · May 9, 2007, 05:25 PM

Your daughter and her baby's future paternal grandmother appear to have made up a new rule if they are American. Are they from another culture?

It's a lovely gesture to call the other grandmother, but it is not expected. Actually, it's up to your daughter and her boyfriend to make the effort to introduce their parents to one another, and if you chose to have a reationship with the other mother beyond that, it is entirely up to you. Is your daughter looking for some payoff (a baby shower, for you to get together to decide what expensive baby things to buy her?)

I'd welcome the call if it comes but the conversation about it is weird. If it's appropriate in their mind for the woman to call you, why the discussion? Can't she just call?

I'm wondering, too, if you don't like the man and if you would rather not have anything to do with his family. Given your daughter's age and the fact that this man took advantage of a younger woman, I'd be pretty irritated if I were you.

Further, what would be appropriate if they were married is irrelevant if they aren't married. They are asking a bit too much.