Check out some similar questions!

jess04 · Apr 23, 2007, 10:47 PM

I've got and issue with my son's father...

First let me get you up to speed, so you'll understand what's going on here:

He and I dated a short time and broke up... a month or 2 later I found out I was pregnant... he wanted to get back together and get married when I told him no, but that we could be friends and see where things lead, because we jumped into things a little quickly... well that pissed him off and he quit talking to me all together... our son was born in April 06... he still wasn't talking to me... he didn't start talking to me again until early nov... we started talking again and are now dating (going on 4 1/2 months now)

Now for my issue...

We've been dating and everything and Gage and I spend every weekend at his house (which is great... when we're there), but during the week it's like we don't exsist to him in the context that he won't tell ANYONE (not friends, coworkers, family or anyone) about us... he says he doesn't want his rep ruined for being an unwed father... but what hurts me is I have no chioce in weather or not people know I'm an unwed mother... why should he get that choice?

I don't know what to do... it hurts me so much... I feel like some dirtly little secret or something.

Why won't he tell anyone about our son and I?

chuff · Apr 23, 2007, 11:49 PM

In 2007 who has a bad rep for being an unwed father? What's really strange about what he's saying between the lines is I'm not ashamed of my family... as long as it's with in the boundary's of marriage. To be totally fair to him though, he did ask for your hand in marriage when he found out you were pregnant so I actually believe he's hung up on this issue. My question is are the people around him aware that he has a child at all or just aware that they never see him with the you and the child?

I would recommend seeing a preacher and getting some advice about raising a family in your outside of wedlock. While marriage may have been and ideal option for him and how he fits into society, running from his family to please those around him is even less of an ideal situation for him and those around him. As easy and clear is for us to see that maybe he's never thought of it in that context and if you sat him down and explained that he's only hurting those around him by these actions and thoughts and then explain how it hurts him, he may actually see it for himself. If not I'd recommend both of you seeing someone in the church to help both you see that a family can function without the marriage and for the sake of the child it must.

sevens61 · Apr 24, 2007, 12:02 AM

You should have had condem when you met him. I think that's a very easy solution. Take your son to every date you have with him I'm 100 percent sure that after some reluctance he will accept his son and then u. u know a man resists first when he is becoming a father and after that he have to accept the reality, your man is something like in such a same condition before you met him

talaniman · Apr 24, 2007, 05:36 AM

Talk to him about your feelings and remember you both are tied to each other through this child and must work together to raise him. His personal issues will take more than talk to overcome, but you must always be free to express yourself, as this child needs to know both your families. Gently persuade him that the grandparents need to know your child.

jess04 · Apr 24, 2007, 06:07 AM

It's not so much his parents I'm worried about... I've met his mom and she's psycho, so I'd rather not have my son around that. But what bothered me more than anything is that he had a myspace page and I was on his friends list... I left all kinds of lovey type comments on his page and some of his coworkers found his page and asked him about it and he told them it wasn't his page.

He told me about that on Sunday... I really don't think I've ever been more hurt in my life.

jess04 · Apr 24, 2007, 06:12 AM

Chuff: See it's not that I didn't want to marry him period... I just wanted to make sure that we got married because we love each other and not just bacause I got pregnant. Now that we're back together, I know for sure that I do want to marry him and now it's him that's stalling things from happening.
And, no, none of his coworkers or friends know he has a child... hell they don't even know he has a g/f.

I've tried to get him to go talk to a preacher with me about all this... but he won't do it.