[jaxie]

I'm totally confused remember me? The one who was with jim for 8 years? Well a few days ago he ran into a male friend of mine and told him to stay away from me or else he will kill him. Now we have been broken up (remember over his sons girlfriend) for 3 months now and its still in his head we are together. Well last night I went on a date. Simple date that's all. We went into the local 7 11 store and there was the guy who lives with Jim, And he saw me with the NEW guy. Not the mutual friend he threatned. I told Bobby tell him IM with someone else he's sick if he thinks we are still together he's messed up on drugs bad and he is on probation and threatned my friends life if he didn't stay away from "his girl" (me) SO Bobby says are you sure I can say I saw u 2 I said Bob your best friends IM sure your going to open your mouth anyway then I said well Bob this has nothing todo with our relationship as friends. He agreed. Then the guy I went on a date with came out of the store I introduced them and we left. IM kind of scared because he just threatned Tom a mutual friend and now Bobby told him he saw me with another guy. What do you think JIm is thinking? What do you think is going through his mind? IM scared because like I said he told Tom our mutual friend he was going to kill him if he saw me any more and he's not in reality obviously because he called me "his girl". I don't know what to make of this. LPlease help me. Also I told Bob why I left about the fight and all and abuse and he looked like he was shocked. I guess Jim never told him but Bob did say that his son buys the food and pays the electric and cable TV so that's why he let it be. I await your reply thanks so much jaxie remember for 8 years I was so good to this man and his son and then one day his sons girl goes nuts on me went to hit me 7 times and this was all in my fiancées house so I said to him I will not come back here until I get an apology YOU own this house not your son and I never got the apology. That was 3 months ago I did not hit the girl back I did not yell back at her all I said was we all have to respect one another and she said I don't respect why ou *%&$($(! AnD TO THINK I was the one who made her feel comfortable and welcomed when she moved in and now I have moved out Jim never confronted his son and jim was right there when this happened. How can he let 8 years go by I don't know. I DO Know that if anyone of my kids boyfriends or girlfriends did that to HIM in MY HOUSE they would be out period. I won't tolerate physical verbal violence and abuse for me or for jim. I told Jim all I want is an apology and I never got one. The son rulesthat house. We were so close to the wedding too. This showed me his true feelings for me as I posted a few days ago. How could he allow anyone to live in his house when they went to kill his fiancée? AND I did NOTHING but go upstairs to see if jim was there and she started by telling me I Didn't BELONG THERE! ME! After 8 years she's been around 8 months or 9 months now. I did a TON for that girl She just took over the whole house and Jim allowed it.

[shygrneyzs]

You can talk to the police about Jim's threat to your friend. I do not think they will do too much about that though. Until something actually happens.

Have you considered moving and not telling anyone where you move to? Jim is a fanatic and not much good can come out of him. If he approaches you, you can tell him to leave you alone and tell him that if he contacts you again, you will file a protection order. There again, from what I have experienced, those are about as good as writing on toilet paper. But it would give you some legal footing on this situation.

You should perhaps contact someone from an abused women's resource center or shelter and tell them what all happened and what is going on now. Get in touch with an attorney. You have to protect yourself in any way you legally can. Whatever you do, do not call Jim, go over there, write him, or his son or the son's girlfriend. Leave them totally alone, no matter what. Keep your hands clean. But seek help in the right avenues.

As before, I am wishing you the very best. I would move out of town, if this were me. Honestly. Maybe that seems extreme but my privacy is sacred. So is yours.

[Delilah P]

I think the obvious answer is to get a restraining order against Jim. But, I have to wonder.. why did you tell his roommate to tell Jim about your 'new' guy.. and then seem upset that Jim might now be thinking some other sinister thoughts.. like maybe go after the 'new guy'? It's like you are inviting trouble.. then waiting to see how it all plays out. I'm sorry, but I didn't see your other thread. Are you married to Jim, or just with him for 8 years? Why not move to another part of town.. away from Jim and his bad habits... with or without a restraining order.. and lead your own life over there. Why be in the middle of all of that turmoil if you don't like it, especially since you're dating other men? It seems to me that you are creating more drama. Move and start fresh.. don't tell Jim. He'll get the hint and start over, too, with another gal.

[jaxie]

SHY thanks so much. Right now Jim is on a three year PROBATION and that threat will put him in jail if Tommy tells the cops I told Tommy to do it. Jimmy took a RIFLE?SHOTGUN and put it to his (then) wife's head while arguing. She left him and even his X friend asked me id I thought he had a dual personality. I saID YES. ONCE I was doing laundry he came in shut the machine off and told me :get all your ^&$%^! Wet clothes out of that washer and go somewhere else to do it. As I walked away after gathering my laundry he came out and said
"where you goin???????????? I said JIm u just told me to get out. HE said "no I didn't ". Are you OK? (meaning ME!) His father told me stay away from him today hel''l kill you and not remember. The cops are watching the house I know because a narc officer I know is on the team that's photographing eeryone who comes and goes. I know the son packages gthe cocaine on saturdays and the gilrl makes methamphetamine in the oven so the cops are looking for one reason to put him away. WHEN I FOUND OUT he held that RIFLE TO hia wife's head I WAS AHOCKED. Im getting the order. But like I said h e don't even know we been broken up and that is scary stuff. What is THAT all about? IM scared I had 2 panc attacks and I got over a nervous breakdown not too long ago. Thank you hun

[jaxie]

DEL I was with him 8 years. There is a long post in relationships about jim and the hell he put me through. I really stood by this guy when his own family didn't. I took ccare of the kids I did everything. His sons girlfriend went nuts one night yelled at ME that I didn't belong upstairs and I went iin shock I mean I been around 8 yrs not a few months. SO its Jims house he lets her still live there because he doesn't want the son mad at him and his son abuses the heck out of him. I went out of my way when she moved in to help her. I did a lot for that snot nose. I just stood there as she made an azz of herself yelling and going to hit me. She's 4 feet 8 lol she would NOT have a chance. BUT I AM TOO OLD to put up with this kid crap . I told jimmy ITS YOUR HOUSE what is going to go on cause I'm not lever coming back if you don't even talk to her and tell her that its your house and if she doesn't show her elders respect she may leave. But he didn't. SO I didn't go back. Ever

[jaxie]

DEL I DID THAT TO HURT HIM his ego is out of control. FOR 8 YEARS HE NEVER EVER took me out. LET HIM KNOW SURE then he won't bother me at ALL. HE won't. Besides his FRIEND SAID TO ME FIRST u know I'm going to talk to JIM so I SAID well its OK to tell him you saw me but Bob I with my "cousin". I don't think he bought it but bob said I was going to tell him anyway and please don't tell me immature blah and blah this manhurt ME for EIGHT YEARS LET HIM HURT NOW.

[jaxie]

He will get the hint? Lol its been almost FOUR MONTHS and IN HIS MIND we never broke up HE HAS TO FACE REALITY I could have just as soon run into Jim as I did Bob this is a small town here everyone runs into everyone. Inviting trouble no. I avoid confrontation. I ust got over a nervous breakdown.

[jaxie]

Del Of Course He Will Find Another Gal Hahaha All Women Just Love Men Who Stick Needles In Their Necks For A Fix. His Brothers Are Md's He Gets Them From Them. And Hes A Felon Putting A Riffle Loaded Rifle To His Wife's Head/? If I Knew That Id Never Dated Him...



Del Of Course He Will Find Another Gal Hahaha All Women Just Love Men Who Stick Needles In Their Necks For A Fix. His Brothers Are Md's He Gets Them From Them. And Hes A Felon Putting A Riffle Loaded Rifle To His Wife's Head/? If I Knew That Id Never Dated Him

[Delilah P]

Jaxie, what a horrible situation! Thanks for giving the background on your story again here. Personally, I would be scared being around someone like Jim. He definitely had many issues going on. You should be very careful, especially since he has a jealous personality. I hope you request a restraining order against him, although it may anger him even more. If you can't move out of town, then get the restraining order. You need to be as far as possible from that man. You're right.. I don't think other women would be flocking to him once they know what he's capable of. Take care of yourself and stay safe, Jaxie.

[jaxie]

Delilah I wrote you such a long reply and then the comp froze and I lost it ALL. It took me 1/2 an hr to write. Now IM really upset. Well I want to at least thank you and Im trying not to go out at all because IM afraid I will run into him as wel live reallyt close a few blocks from each other and his mom lives 4 doors down. I have my family on the first floor I am on the second floor so I have them for protection. If I lived alone he would have broken the doors down and I would bet it all on that. See his thing is once the 'bond of trust' is over IE Cheating being with someone else then there is no going back so that's why I told his friend that yes it was fine to tell Jm I was with another guy. I think maybe now he will be like "well shes a cheater just like my x wife" and he won't want to bother with me.
He treated her like crap too and one day she too just snapped so to say and left. ENTER ME taking care of his pets his kids and then he steals all my gold and diamonds worth 12 grand at least. I just saw him a few days ago and I had a huge panic attack and started to run because I didn't want any confrontations with him. He manipulates me he has this way with me where he twists everything around. Like I said I hope the info that I was with anotgher guy was enough to turn him OFF and NOT WANT ME anymore. I don't know. But thanks for your post and help
.please see the next page found the letter I wrote

[jaxie]

I am below poverty level so I'm looking into housing help.

[jaxie]

yes he is scaring me The cops know he isn't allowed on or near the property but since he is on probation for 3 yrs I don't know if he will try. My family lives downstairs so its not like I live alone cause if I did he would have been here believe me. SO at leasst I have THAT safety net. Someone told me he was across the street watching the house from a tree another saw him with binoculars. I won't go out without a family member because I ran into him and when I saw him I had a HUGE PANIC ATTACK and I was scared. I started running. See if he thinnks I am with someone else he will stay away I bet because then he will hate me and he won't want to see me no more. HE told me a long time ago once the 'bond of trust' is gone (being with another person) then its all over and there is no returning. So maybe he will think that way. His mom lives 3 houses down from me and my family and he lives 3 blocks away I am moving. I have been trying to get back into working at the market for money and staying in the food workers Union and I want to go to school to be a LPN because it's a dirty job diapers for adults etc and people treat the elderly very bad and I want to give them what I have so much of TLC. Tender Loving Care. I can give that to them. SO I want to go to school I already was in touch with school about it I wouldn't have to pay because I am poverty level actually below poverty level I can't see a dentist in 8 years my teeth hurt I had an abcess that blew my lip up into my eye and I didn't have 500 dollars to have the molars removed so I bite the bullet and took a sharp object and CUT MY GUMS to get the infection OUT then I took antibiotics for almost 30 days. I can't afford a dentist. I can't afford much of anything and my X owes me 2 grand in back support. Last year I lived with NO TV or PHONE for almost ONE ENTIRE YEAR, it was TORTURE. I thought Id go mad. I don't even own a car. God awful it was and now with him (my kids dad) owing thousands I don't know how I am going to make it. They keep taking more than half three quarters from my child su[pport until HIS DEBT is paid to them when we were on temp emergency assistance. Its so hard Jim never helped and they are loaded with money. Totally I mean his dad is a millionaire I don't know how many times over. His dad is just like JIM and JIMS SON is just like JIM they are brutal people they don't know anyone unless its for a favor. ThEN like after I took care of Jimmy when he was in the hospital I took signed him out for the day then had to take him back and I had to take care of all the kids well... I asked his dad for 5 dollars and he said no. I was like after all I did for YOU and YOUR SON>? HE SAID "who igves a s**t what you did. I was like OMG that is brutal/now I hear he's calling me a whore to his son. SO you see I have a ton on my plate here and if it weren't for my friend tommy Id have no computer since I have been offline over a year because mine broke and so he loaned me this laptop. God I owe him so much money. So yeah Jim saw me live like that no TV no phone electric going off and never did a thinng to help. Meanwhile I could have sold that jewelry to make ends meet but NO HE STOLE EVERYTHING 12 grand worht of myprecious heirloom jewelry all gold and diamonds. Things I inhereted that I Wouldn't HOCK but I WOULD have sold SOME OTHER ITEMS like on eBay for the money. SO HE wiped me out. He don't know what its like to need like I do. I almost died from that infection in my teeth. It was spreading to my brain. That hurt so bad but I HAD to cut it I had to get the infection stuff out. Gross yeah but it had to be done and I have no money. So now they basically all hurt 3 are cracked and irreparabl;e... I have no money to see a doctor when IMsick and I was hurt when I went to get my prescriptions and didn't have enough money so I couldn't get my medications and I cried and I said if I hAD MONEY you would give me the prescription right? She was like yes but you don't so you can't have it. No welfare or anything if your o ver 18 where I live. So I can't even do that. Its been such a long road Im so sick my stomach the migraines the attacks the depression. Yeah he is no good but 8 yrs you know I hurt anyway. I didn't deserve this and I am still so hurt but I won't talk to him. All over a kid hitting me and yelling at me in HIS HOUSE and HE ALLOWED IT to go on so I told him get her out or IM gone and he's like that's my sons girl I was like and what am I>? SH*t>? SO that's when I said if I don't get a apology IM never coming back. And now looking from the OUTSIDE IN>? I think it was for the best don't you??

[Delilah P]

Jaxie, after reading your entire post, I think you should be extremely careful. It is very sad that you had helped Jimmy for 8 years.. and then have him and his dad treat you so poorly. You said the police know that he shouldn't be around certain areas.. but, I have to ask you again.. have you filed for a legal restraining order? You need to have it in case he comes your way, Jaxie. I think it's great that you are aspiring to be a LPN. Do what you can to reach your goal, Jaxie. Forget the negative things have happened in your life and move on. You sound like you have a lot of spunk, Jaxie.. put your best foot forward and make a new life for yourself. Negative people will only bring you (or anyone) down. Find your happy, positive friends and stick with them. I wish you luck, Jaxie! Maybe you could get another job at the hospital while you wait to get into LPN training! At least you'll be in the atmosphere of being around people who truly appreciate your nurturing ways.

[jaxie]

thank you so much for the reply. No I didn't go to the cops and get a restraining order because I think they would ask me why I wanted one. I DO KNOW that my mother who owns this house told them he is NOT to be ANYWHERE NEAR this place. Many many months ago I was walking and Jimmy came up to me out of the blue really and there was a cop and he stopped and he said "is everythng alright??" and I said yeah and he said 'ok' and he left.

He has a bad reputation/ very bad. It got to the point where I was sitting with him at the school near our houses and the cops pulled up and were like why aren't you home do you know where your kids are I was like yeah they are home with their grandmother safe and sound and as for me I'm just sitting here talking. its like they were looking for a reason to pick on me.

Guilt by association that is what was happening.

I HAD to get away from him my reputation was going to hell in a hand buket !

All I can say is I hope he is miserable just as miserable as all the people he got hooked onto drugs with all the people who lost their lives who he taught how to use drugs I just hope he is miserable.

God forgive me I know it sounds bad but after all he did he deserves to be sad.

I don't know if he is capable of it though.

That time he was in the hospital and I had to go check him in and out and all that crap and take care of him when no onew in his family did? HE went behind my back and I found out he invited KIMMY to his house and got drugs from her the DAY I checked him out for good. I was SO HURT. I found out from a mutual friend and he swore on his daughters LIFE she wasn't there that it was all a LIE.
I looked like an . I still don't know what happened that night I wasn't there he didn't need me that night all he wanted was for her to come over bring him pills and that's all I know.


what I DO know is I reported her to the pharmacy because she worked for a MD and was writing prescriptions. She eventually got fired not long after. And I remember telling him jimmy she isn't going to have her job much longer this party is going to be over.

so what happened that night I don't know... all I know is he kept saying to me that he was the one that was saying no to her he told me he kept saying I can't do that to Tony her boyfriend he never said ANYTHING about me ! AND we were ENGAGED! When I found out I cried so hard. I didn't believe him THEN and I don't NOW. I bet she did stay over just like she told tina this woman who knows us both. After all the trips to the hospital and the half hr drive and taking care of him and getting a migraine from the stress that I threw up and bringing him dinner to eat cause he didn't wAnt their food and all of it just all of it. And also my Aunt whom I loved dearly died when this was going on and I STILL went every day and he NEVER said he was sorry for my loss the nurses saw me crying against the wall as he was getting ready to be checked out of therre for the day curtosy of ME and he never said one world. Never held me nothing. I even caught him winking at a nurst and I said what the hell were u winking at that nurse for? How disrespectul and right with ME sitting here on the bed with you.


He said "I just do that so they treat me bettter" Hes full of S&*t.

I am still so hurt but with all your help and shys help at least I can vent and I don't feel so alone.

Right now I got a headache and feel nauseous. This stress is just tooo much. I have to call to keep the utilities on until next week because of the cut in my child support my x still owes the State money for when I went for temp help and now we have to suffer for it.

Also where IS my income tax money>?


See? I have too much on my mind but am grateful to you. Always


Big hugs

jaxie

[Delilah P]

Jaxie, I hope things are looking up for you. Hopefully venting your frustrations here and hearing advice from some of the people in this forum has given you some ideas on how to deal with those who have not been so kind to you. Take it "one day at a time'. You can't solve everything overnight. Be careful and stick with the people who have your best interests at heart. In my opinion, it's better to have one great 'good friend' than 10 who are 'fair-weather friends'.. meaning friends who are only there when they need something from you. Take care, Jaxie.

[vlee]

Get FAR, FAR away from this maniac! Move out, don't leave a forwarding address. Call all your bill collectors a few days before you move and give them your address. If you have a cell phone, change the number. Don't associate with this guy or anyone he knows. Grab hold of a CLEAN SLATE and don't look back!

[jaxie]

DEL AND VLEE thank you so much for your help in this terrible time. 8 years was a long time and I know I should have bailed years ago but I was and still get upset and jealous perhaps thinking of him sleeping with another girl. I mean I know it sounds nuts but that is what my LINGERING PROBLEM is. Although I know you are all correct in what you say. I AM and WILL FOLLLOW YOUR ADVICE I am not one to ask for help then NOT turn it into action. I just don't know what I would do without you all here for me. Many heartfelt thanks. Always jaxie

[jaxie]

[ Why be in the middle of all of that turmoil if you don't like it, especially since you're dating other men? It seems to me that you are creating more drama. Move and start fresh.. don't tell Jim. He'll get the hint and start over, too, with another gal.[/QUOTE]


like is said he thinks I been with someone else? He will not bother me trust me I know him since I'm born literally. His attitude is she cheated (in his mind its cheating cause we aren't together for 3 months) and he does not want anything to do with someone who cheats because of his x wife and all the turmoil that caused. He told me a long time ago I will never get in trouble over a 'broad' again its not worth it. And he should know he spent 1 1/2 yrs in prison for it. Things have been quiet I knew his friend would tell him anyway so I made like it didn't bother me and also I said it was a cousin which he didn't believe but long story short he is on probation for many years and trust me he will not take a chance of jail with me.BUT he DID TELL my friend TOM stay away from 'my girl" hello wake up its been 3 months "or I will kill you" I TOLD TOM TO TELL THE COPS he threatened his life that's serious but since Tom rents from his jims father he's afraid.

[vlee]

I know what it is like to get sucked into an abuser's vortex... in my case it was verbal and emotional abuse. I was stuck for 5 years before I got the courage and support it took to walk away. Sometimes it really is a matter of having others understand and validate how you feel. And at that time, I couldn't turn to family or friends. Just know you have support here, and do what you can to make yourself safe and happy again. (Yes, it really IS a possibility.) I am routing for you.

[Delilah P]

I know what it is like to get sucked into an abuser's vortex....in my case it was verbal and emotional abuse. I was stuck for 5 years before I got the courage and support it took to walk away. Sometimes it really is a matter of having others understand and validate how you feel. And at that time, i couldn't turn to family or friends. Just know you have support here, and do what you can to make yourself safe and happy again. (Yes, it really IS a possibility.) I am routing for you.

Good sound advice, vlee. We're all rooting for you, Jaxie. Make yourself a fresh start.