[Keys4u]

I have confronted my boyfriend of 5 years about watching porn and he lies to me constantly about it... It drives me crazy... I know he watches it more then 3 times a week and yet he rejects me in the end... Any suggestions...

[louie1]

Explain to him how it makes you feel, if he still doesn't listen ask yourself if he is the one for you?

[talaniman]

What does he say when you talk and not confront? After five years it would seem the level of communication would be higher, and compromise should be reached. It may not be what you say, but how you say it. Exactly what is it about him watching porn, that sets you off?

[Keys4u]

I am sure it is how I say it because I am sure I come across as accusing... In the beginning like most relationships we were hands all the way and then it got to be less and less for him... I am the one with and ongoing sex drive while he pretends to be opposite and instead of the real thing he watches porn. I have told him that we can implement into our sex lives... but he retaliated by stating he doesn't watch it.. which I know is an out and out lie. He says it magically appears on the computer... but they are downloaded into the system. I am not that stupid... It is not like I am not willing to try anything he wants but he simply will not tell me... I have no idea what else to do. I mean other then this issue we are strong in every other area.

[talaniman]

He is clearly in defensive mode, because he thinks your attacking him, as most guys will do so, back up and drop the porn thing for a while, and get closer to him through a less adversarial approach. Guys love to watch porn, we can't help that and it has nothing to do with you at all, so do not take it personally. Give him some wiggle room here lady, so he doesn't feel like he has to lie about what he does.

[Keys4u]

Thanks... i have given him wiggle room.. months of wiggle room but when i am going without for 6 weeks at a time so he can watch his porn then what do i do about..

[Lez]

Would you watch porn?
Thinking why not go out and get a porn film and put it on when he is in the room and see if he will join you in watching it and maybe things may progress from there

[Keys4u]

I have tried to implement into our sex life however he shows no interest when i do... i am at a loss, i have left it and tried not to let it bother me but i feel like he is cheating on me... i know it is normal natural and bla bla but i have a hard time with it now... only because he lies about it

[missk]

Then I'm not sure there is much you can do at this point. He is going to to what he wants to do. You can't control that. What is your sex life like? Do you just do the same ol thing or do you spice it up and act dirty like the porn girls? How have you tried to implement it into your sex life? I understand getting upset about him lying about it because it's obvious you know what he is doing. It seems like he is probably young and just doesn't know how to be open about this stuff. There is an article in lifestyle men on msn.com titled "what you don't know about women" Women celebrities' comments and Alyssa Milano says "women like porn too, we just hate it when you hide the porn". I'ts just a guy thing. That's what they do-they hide it even though they know you don't care. It's their time, kind of like we don't want to be bothered when were putting on our makeup or doing our hair.

[talaniman]

Learn to talk is my suggestion, and when he does open up, listen without judging. Come on its been 5 years have you learned nothing about him? Think has anything changed and how long has this porn been an issue?

[Keys4u]

Thank you I am working really hard on talking without accusation and I do not think I judge but I do listen with out judgin... When I think about it everything has changed... I do not think there is one aspect of our lives that has not changed in one degree or another and it has been a very difficult transition, from simple daily things to major things for us both...

[talaniman]

That's what committed couples do, work hard together to solve the problems that life brings to us, for the benefit of both. I've been married more than 30 years, and my wife and I still have to face problems together and we had to learn how to talk to each other, and even how to disagree. You very seldon get 100% what you want, but through compromise, you can reach a solution you both can live with. It's a life long, never ending process.