[shan1264]

I'm 28 years old and I'm a stay at home mom to a 13 month old. Over the past 5 years I have gained 50 pounds. I'm starting Weight Watchers and joining a gym so that I can get my weight under control.
I'm a good mother and I try to be a good wife. Other than that though I feel like a waste of space. I feel like I don't know myself and I don't know what I'm passionate about. I'm not good at anything. I have a very low self esteem. I want to work on that and start feeling better about myself but I don't know how to go about it. I'm kind of shy ever since I gained 50 pounds. I just want to be able to do something that I'm proud of myself for. I want to be good at something. I want my husband to look at me and see me as my own person instead of only seeing me as the mother to his son. I just don't know where to start. I guess going to the gym and eating healthy will be a start. How do I go about finding out what I'm passionate about, or what I'm good at? How do people raise themselves esteem and start loving themselves? I used to be so full of life but now I just feel like everyday is the same and I'm letting precious days go by where I could be doing things that are productive. The only thing I'm good at is being a great mother. I'm interested in a lot of things like art, music, etc but I just don't know where to start? Any advice?

[Amun Ra]

Sry if this sounds rambled and unorganized, but that's the way my mind works and I have to type what my mind is thinking. So what if you gained 50 pounds in 5 years, if your still healthy and feeling good, go for it. However, if YOU don't like it, then change it with eating right and exercise. But only if YOU want to. If HE wants you to change, then smack him upside the head. He is suppose to love you and support you in everyway, not want you to change for his liking. So the ball is in your court. Now, about you feeling better about yourself, you should always feel good about yourself. Everyday, look in the mirror and tell yourself that your great and your beautiful (and mean it when you say it). Once you see yourself saying it you will believe what others know. Your husband should be telling you this as well, if not, smack him upside the head again. You liked to do things like art and music, so what you should do is find a group, or class, at a local school or college (thats where around here anyway) for evening art classes or music lessons. You will probably find lots of mothers there 'relaxing' and doing things they enjoy. One thing I noticed is that a group of like minded parents bring out the best in ones self. Things that you don't see as great accomplishments will be praised by others. This IS what you need. Now between you loving yourself, your husband loving you and showing it, and doing things that you enjoy with others, there shouldn't be a thing that you won't be able to do. And as my daughters say (to each other) 'YOU GO GIRL! ' :D

[wrappedup]

Hi Shan1264 and welcome, I'm a new member as well...

Listen you need to get out into the workforce girlfriend. I have a 3 year old son. 9 months after I had him I started feeling depressed being home everyday. When I went back to work I joined Weight Watchers and lost the weight that I wanted. It's been 2 years and I still follow the program.

So, my answer would be to get out into the workforce, work on losing the weight that you gained and Dr. Phil and Oprah have some tools listed on their website to help find who you are and your passions.

I too struggle with low self esteem. But you need to be the one to start to change things. If you don't want to go out into the workforce, join different programs in your community.

Remember you need to also make time for yourself. Since you are a stay at home mom, you really need to do this. Also, whenever you try and attempt to achieve your goals know that it takes time for things to change. Know that we all fall off the wagon but remember to NEVER beat yourself up about it. Just literally, dust yourself off and try again. You can always try again!
Be good to yourself so that you can be good to your family - always. Your children need and love you give them the best of you.

[fredg]

Hi,
You have received some good answers.
You also have taken the first step in changing the rest of your life! That is, weight watchers. You will meet many new people and have a good time, losing weight.
You also type very well, seem to be very, very knowledgeable, an educated person, and I'll bet a very nice person. So, take that next step.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I don't mean leave for good! But, find something you can volunteer at, be around others. Maybe volunteer at the local hospital, or a nursing home, helping others. Also, a part-time job is not out of the question. Maybe something where you can have a babysitter for a few hours a day, and work part-time. With your typing skills, you shouldn't have any problem finding something.
I do wish you the very, very best of luck. And remember, Go Somewhere, every 2nd day or so to volunteer your time and help; if you aren't going to get a job.
One gets out of life what one puts into it.

[nwsflash]

The answers that have been given are very good. Welcome to the forum!

What you need to do is have some "you time" Get yourself out of the house meeting different people will also help you, make some YOU TIME!!

As your still young and had a baby I would also say go see your doctor get a hormone test?? Even at 13mnths your levels can be effected.

[lilfyre]

The only thing I'm good at is being a great mother.

I know that you have posted this a while ago, but my daughter came across it and showed it to me, I was wondering how you where doing. I took part of you quote. What you have said right there is the beginning of you day every day. If at the end of the day if you can walk away with that thought then, you have done something. I constantly have to tell myself I am a good person, and a good mother, like a reminder. Things to me always seem so out of control. What you are saying sounds like me exactly like me and my life. I get up and pick one thing that I will accomplish for the day. It might be something as simple as taking a walk, or rearranging the living room or ripping a room apart. A few years ago I got involved with a horse rescue, them a guinea pig rescue and then answering questions here. They all make me feel better, and then there is the most important part of my life my daughter, it is there, some times what you need has to find you instead of you finding it. Well hopefully the email will notifies you and you will get this, you question just touched my sole, and I hope this finds you well