Check out some similar questions!

talaniman · Apr 18, 2007, 07:49 PM

Leave the wife alone, and counsel your friend that falling in love after 3, or 4 months and getting married is a youngsters mistake. Ask her what's the hurry? After that she is old enough to make her own mistakes, and I have a feeling she will need a good friend soon. Maybe the divorce will take long enough to le her see that she maybe a rebound for an insecure man. Does he work?

Delilah P · Apr 18, 2007, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave the wife alone, and counsel your friend that falling in love after 3, or 4 months and getting married is a youngsters mistake. Ask her what's the hurry? After that she is old enough to make her own mistakes, and I have a feeling she will need a good friend soon. Maybe the divorce will take long enough to le her see that she maybe a rebound for an insecure man. Does he work?

This man doesn't show a shred of being insecure. He appears to be financially well off.. and does work. The man had told us he cannot wait until his divorce is final so that he can be with our friend. Our friend has hinted at getting married very soon after the divorce is final... almost immediately after. They had been talking about that almost as soon as they began dating! How odd is that? Oh well. I'm not going to get sick over this. We've said all that we can to her, without sounding hurtful or frantic. The guy is so smooth that we find ourselves saying to ourselves, "Ahhh come on .. you've got to be kidding!". I did say to her that he seems to be a little too good to be true. She gushed and said, "I know". :( AGGGHHHH!

vlee · Apr 19, 2007, 06:24 AM

That's true... there are state websites that provide a criminal background check for about $10. But in all honesty, I think you should just stay out of it. I know you want to protect your friend, but you can't. She is an adult and will make her own decisions whether you like them or not. Also, you risk losing her friendship if you keep pointing out the negatives about this guy. I think it will be best to stay out of it, and be there to support her if she learns the hard way that you were right.

grammadidi · Apr 19, 2007, 08:22 PM

In all honesty, if I was seeing someone and thought I was in love and my good (best?) friends told me they had contacted his ex or done a check on him and found out some terrible information my immediate reaction would not be one of appreciation. I would be heartbroken that my 'friends' went so far as to destroy my happiness. Stupid, I know, but if I really believed that I loved the guy I just know I would be in a state of denial, pull away from my friends and probably jump deeper into that relationship to prove people wrong.

I stand with my original answer... Express your concerns to your friend, then back off and allow her to run her own life while being supportive as possible.

Hugs, Didi

Allheart · Apr 20, 2007, 02:19 AM

Gramm - I so agree.

Not only would I be heartbroken that my friends did this behind my back - I would feel that my friends thought I was really "stupid" - or didn't trust my intelligence or my ability to choose or think.

Delilah P · Apr 20, 2007, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Gramm - I so agree.

Not only would I be heartbroken that my friends did this behind my back - I would feel that my friends thought I was really "stupid" - or didn't trust my intelligence or my ability to choose or think.

Well, I would agree with you for MOST cases. But we've all been friends through thick and thin... and we are years past of thinking that one of us may think the other is 'stupid'. That could be true for friends who have only known each other for a year or so. No one here would think that way. What we can't get past is that she would do the same for us.. and we can't feel comfortable knowing that we're letting her 'learn a lesson' when we can already see that this guy is not on the up and up. He's very direct and aggressive.. and she's caught up in how he's buying her things, taking her out to dinner nightly and being overly demonstrative to her. He's slick. We are trying to think of another way to get her to either open her eyes, or, at least wait a year before getting married. If she would wait, then we'd feel better. The group has known one another for 40+ years.. it's not like we just all became friends. I apprecaiate everyone's advise and have shared it with my friends. Hoping for the best!