Check out some similar questions!

vchavez104 · Apr 17, 2007, 08:12 AM

I Am A Christian Women (51) I've Been Dating A Christian Man (52) For 10 Months, I Have Decided Not To Marry For 6 Years Or When My Children Are Finished With High School. My Problem Is That He Gave Me A Promise Ring And We Had Sex... Now I'm Feeling Guilty That I Didn't Obey God And Wait The 6 Years... I Need Help...

I NEED A CHRISTIAN ANSWER:)

talaniman · Apr 17, 2007, 08:30 AM

As I read it you promised not to marry for 6 years, the rest is up to you so don't worry. Putting your kids first is admirable, but sex is between the two of you.

Tuscany · Apr 17, 2007, 08:56 AM

I agree with Tal. Waiting until your children are done with school is admirable. It is nice that you do not want to disrupt their lives, and so on and so forth. But, sex is something between you and your fiancée, not involving your children.

On a side note, if you are worried about premarital sex in the eyes of God don't worry.
I am not sure what religon you are, but I am catholic. When my husband and I met with our church's nun, so told us that the church has altered their opinion on premarital sex. While they still done condone it, they accept it when the two parties involved are committed to each other, to marriage, or to some day starting a family. My aunt who is also a nun has also said the same thing. For PreCana there is even a whole new section of the day devoted to couples who cohabitated together prior to becoming engaged.

krittengirl · Apr 17, 2007, 12:01 PM

I think that the last 2 posts do not quite understand where you are coming from, do they. Wether you had a promise ring or not, wether a certain church says so or not, wether you are going to get married next week or in 6 years -it doesn't matter. What matters is that God said not to have sex outside of marriage and you did. This is a sin like any other. God doesn't rate sins as to their severity. You know what you did was wrong, that isn't the problem. I think that what you are forgetting is that when we truly repent of our sins He always forgives. Once you are forgiven you are clean once more.
I would encourage you to recommit to each other and then find someone you can trust to hold you accountable. Choose someone who will really hold you to it. A Pastor or a person in your church who you can tell is really committed to serving God and is trustworthy is a good place to start. Don't be embarrassed to talk with someone. Pastor's have seen it before and mature Christians know that we all sin.
If you are not involved with a local church you need to start. It is extremely important for every Christian to have fellowship with other believers. And try not to give you and your Fiance' opportunities to be alone in private areas. If you don't put yourselves in temptation's way, you will be less likely to give in.

lost15 · Apr 17, 2007, 09:58 PM

I think the last answer was a little harsh. Religion is a truly personal relationship, and should be between you and God alone!

The bible preaches no sex before marriage, but you have to remember, that it is a book of information that was passed down from generation to generation before it was ever recorded, and even after that it has been translated many times. Whose to say what marriage was defined as in the original meaning, as far as I am concerned, it is when you commit your life to another, and it sounds like you have. The thing to remember here is nothing is black and white, it is in the shades of grey that we find compassion and understanding.

What is truly important here is how you feel about the suitation, if you feel you have done wrong, or damaged your relationship with God, then sure repent and be absolved. But if you feel like the commitment you have made to your partner is strong and valid as a marriage, and he in turn feels the same, then there is no wrong here. God wanted us to love, support and care for each other. Sex is something to be taken seriously as an ultimate expression of love and commitment to another, and it sounds like that's what has happened here, and if so you have nothing to be sorry for.
'The greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return'

Tuscany · Apr 18, 2007, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by krittengirl

I think that the last 2 posts do not quite understand where you are coming from, do they. Wether you had a promise ring or not, wether a certain church says so or not, wether you are going to get married next week or in 6 years -it doesn't matter. What matters is that God said not to have sex outside of marriage and you did. This is a sin like any other. God doesn't rate sins as to their severity. You know what you did was wrong, that isn't the problem. I think that what you are forgetting is that when we truly repent of our sins He always forgives. Once you are forgiven you are clean once more.
I would encourage you to recommit to each other and then find someone you can trust to hold you accountable. Choose someone who will really hold you to it. A Pastor or a person in your church who you can tell is really committed to serving God and is trustworthy is a good place to start. Don't be embarrassed to talk with someone. Pastor's have seen it before and mature Christians know that we all sin.
If you are not involved with a local church you need to start. It is extremely important for every Christian to have fellowship with other believers. And try not to give you and your Fiance' opportunities to be alone in private areas. If you don't put yourselves in temptation's way, you will be less likely to give in.

Kritten I think you need to talk to your Pastor. While the Bible did say no sex before marriage, it also states that sex should only be used as a means for reproduction and that birth control is wrong. However, we know that using birth control saves lives, that many very dedicated Christians have sex for the enjoyment of having sex. And yes Katty girl the church is changing its views on premarital sex, on cohabitation prior to marriage, and birth control. Don't forget that times change, and the bible is a literary work written many many years ago. As times change, so can the interpretation of the bible. My Aunt is a nun, a very dedicated one, and she would be more than happy to talk to you about the changes that the church has undergone not just in the United States, but even right at the Vatican.

Furthermore, good Christians can be just that without going to church. A good Christian can have a healthy relationship with their God, without ever stepping foot into a church. I know some early mornings when I am out walking my dogs I feel God is with me more there than any time I have been at church. Worshiping your God is personal and different for every person.

Krs · Apr 18, 2007, 04:51 AM

Originally Posted by vchavez104

I Am A Christian Women (51) I've Been Dating A Christian Man (52) For 10 Months, I Have Decided Not To Marry For 6 Years Or When My Children Are Finished With High School. My Problem Is That He Gave Me A Promise Ring And We Had Sex... Now I'm Feeling Guilty That I Didn't Obey God And Wait The 6 Years... I Need Help.....

I NEED A CHRISTIAN ANSWER:)

To me you seem like a genuinely very nice person, who is putting her children first. I admire that of you :)

However, you are also entitled to be happy.
In my eyes you have done nothing bad, and God doesn't judge.

Ok, you had sex, but you had sex with a man who respects you, loves you.

Im a catholic, and I also had pre-martial sex with the man I am now married too.
It may be against the churches wishs, however you are committed to each other and God knows that :)

talaniman · Apr 18, 2007, 05:59 AM

To me your personal relationship with the GOD of your understanding, supersedes any edict or tradition of any church. Maybe the key for you now would be to solidify that very personal relationship.

EnglishRose · Apr 18, 2007, 06:43 AM

I know that I am not a devote christian but I really think that you have not committed a sin at all. It isn't like you have had a one night stand with a stranger (This would be a personal decision to make and no one should judge doing so), you have made love to the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with. Your religion tells you this is a sin but you have to decide how you wish to see out dated rules like this. If we all still waited for marriage these days we would have to forfit our own happiness in more important ways. Not to mention if we followed Catholic rules on homosexuality and contraception then we would force people into situations they were deeply unhappy about. You are not an irresponsible child you are an adult and are grown up enough to make these decisions for yourself. The whole point of being a Christian in my eyes is not to judge others or harm them. Therefore your life is your own to do as you wish, it is too short to waste worrying.
However, does this mean that you are not going to live with your partner for the whole six years to keep your children happy?

vchavez104 · Apr 18, 2007, 06:53 AM

Thank you for your answer, as a christian the bible tells us not to give into temptation and we should have self control. Also, that while we live in the world, we are not of the world. I've waited this long because, I came out of a divorce where cps removed my husband, because one of my foster/adopted child said he molested him. All my children are foster /adopted children and I hate to upset their lives any further. But with that said, I'm having a hard time committing to any relationship.. I was married for 20 years.. . I'm confused.. I just confused

ScottGem · Apr 18, 2007, 06:59 AM

I plugged the phrase bible no premarital sex into Yahoo and came up with several interesting discussions on this issue (see:
bible no premarital sex - Yahoo! Search Results) because I wanted to see where the Bible specifically prohibited pre-marital sex. What I found was very interesting. What I believe is that pre-marital sex is NOT a sin in itself. The sin is in recreational sex. In having sexual relations with someone you are not wholly committed to. In having sexual relations when you are not physically, emotionally or financially prepared to to have a child.

So I suggest to you that you spend some time reading the links on this issue. But I also suggest to you that you have committed no overt sin. That you simply took the next logical step in cementing your emotional relationship to this man.

krittengirl · Apr 18, 2007, 09:25 AM

Wow, I didn't realize that so many people who don't know much about the Bible consider themselves an expert in it. First of all, the New Testament was written by people who were witnesses to the things that happened. It was not an oral tradition passed down. While it is true that the earliest copies we have are closer to the 200 years after range, this is great when it comes to literary works of that era. We have more earlier copies of the Bible and more early copies of the Bible than any other book of that historical time or earlier times. The woman who started this post stated that she is a Christian. So many of you in replying seem to be telling her that it shouldn't matter if she has done something she believes is wrong. Faith is in the Bible, not in the Church. While many Churches have "adjusted" what they believe, the Bible has not changed. Truth is not relative to the society that you live in. Truth is Truth. Churches "adjusted" their beliefs to justify the Crusades, but that did not make the crusades right. If society in 200 years decides that it is right to put to death anyone who has defective genes, so as not to pass on disease, that would not make it right. Just because the church decides premarital sex or co-habitation is O.K. That does not mean that God's standards have changed. I challenge any of you to read the Bible with an open heart and you will discover that the rules in the Bible are freeing. They are not put there to restrict you in your life , but to give you the most joyful life possible.
The woman who started this post, knows that what she did was wrong. She wasn't questioning that. Yet most of the replies to her were to try to justify what she did. If you are not a Christian, then you have no reason to follow God's rules. As a Christian you have the desire to do what God says is right, because He knows what is best for you. I do not believe that she was looking to be told that what she believes doesn't matter, but rather what to do from there.
I know that a lot of you reading this might find it to be distasteful to you, but if you are not a Christian, then you cannot truly understand it. What is being a Christian? Quite literally it means being a follower of Christ. You cannot be a Christian by default. Believing in God doesn't make you a Christian, Mot being Muslim or Bhuddist does not make you a Christian. Your parents faith does not make you a Christian, going to a Christian Church does not make you a Christian, and living in a country that considers itself to be a Christian Country does not make you a Christian. Being a Christian means that you personally have a relationship with Jesus Christ. It means that you personally have accepted his sacrifice on the cross. It means that You Believe what he said. If God can raise himself from the dead why do so many people find it hard to believe that he can keep the message of the Bible accurate and reliable?
As for the issue that seems to have sparked this debate. You know that God forgives, and you can claim his forgiveness, but don't do it to justify continuing to sin. If you are really struggling, reevaluate your decision to wait 6 years to get married. God created sex as an expression of becoming one. It is a wonderful thing that should be fully enjoyed. The Bible has never restricted sex for procreation. God expects us to really enjoy it, but in sex, two become one, and that is what marriage is. It is the physical expression of the marriage relationship.

Tuscany · Apr 18, 2007, 09:41 AM

Kritten I would just like to point out again that the Bible is a piece of literary work, which means that it is read and interpreted differently for each person. It is much like Shakespeare or any other author. Literary works are open for debate. What you believe to be true, or what is stated in the bible, might not be how I see it. Either way, God loves us both equally.

EnglishRose · Apr 18, 2007, 09:50 AM

I'm sure you are darling, your situation is one I hope I will never be in. Maybe asking him to back off may be good for you as well as for your religious beliefs. No matter what you believe you can't torment yourself with something you have already done. Everyone gives in to temptation at some point even if its just that bar of chocolate you know you should not eat, you are only human.

ScottGem · Apr 18, 2007, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by krittengirl

Wow, I didn't realize that so many people who don't know much about the Bible consider themselves an expert in it. First of all, the New Testament was written by people who were witnesses to the things that happened. It was not an oral tradition passed down. While it is true that the earliest copies we have are closer to the 200 years after range, this is great when it comes to literary works of that era. We have more earlier copies of the Bible and more early copies of the Bible than any other book of that historical time period or earlier time periods. The woman who started this post stated that she is a Christian. So many of you in replying seem to be telling her that it shouldn't matter if she has done something she believes is wrong.

The woman who started this post, knows that what she did was wrong. She wasn't questioning that. Yet most of the replies to her were to try to justify what she did. If you are not a Christian, then you have no reason to follow God's rules. As a Christian you have the desire to do what God says is right, because He knows what is best for you. I do not believe that she was looking to be told that what she believes doesn't matter, but rather what to do from there.

First of all, my research indicates that most of the New Testament was put to paper by the Emperor Constantinople about 400 years after Christ. Do you have any thing to back up your statement that it was actually written by eye witnesses or that copies have been found dating to within 200 years? I'm not saying you aren't correct, just that I've never seen such statements.

Second of all. The OP BELIEVES what she did was wrong. There is a difference between believing and knowing. She has either read or been told that sexual relations outside of marriage is a sin. So she believes it. But, as the links I found show, there is some debate on the issue. I believe there is some leeway in interpretating the Bible's statements on this issue. Therefore, I chose to offer comfort to the OP by pointing these factors out. To show her that what she did was not necessarily a sin to relieve her mind. I feel that was a completely valid response to her question.

And finally, I believe what I can see and feel. Having experienced the bliss of sharing sexual intimacy with someone you care strongly about and have made a commitment to, I can't believe that something that feels so right can be considered so wrong. I cannot accept a teaching that would condemn someone for doing something that feels so right. If you want to believe differently that is your prerogative. But I can't sit idly by and watch someone tear themselves apart over this.