[maxim]

I have been seeing a younger man ( I am 34, he is 31 ). We have been living together for about 9 months. He holds me, cuddles with me, and says he is attracted to me. But, the only time he makes an advance on me is when he has a few drinks in him. Other than that I am the one that starts things. I get him 1 in 2 weeks... I throw hints at him, wear sexy stuff, almost everything, I can run around the house naked and it doesn't phase him. Not to sound like I have an ego but I know I am attractive... He usually has a lot of similar excuse's like " i am too stressed", or "too tired", or he just smiles at me and rubs my leg. I try to kiss, and caress him trying to get him going but all he does is lay there and rub my back... it is hard for me to keep my mood going when he doesn't participate. I don't know what to do...

[phillysteakandcheese]

It sounds like you've done everything... but actually ask him what the problem is.

If he can "perform" after a few drinks, it's probably just stress and him being nervous. If he's started to have some dysfunction, he might be embarrassed about it.

Be gentle, but direct - and ask him what is wrong. Once it is out in the open, you can discuss what both of you can do to help each other.
:)

[Krs]

I agree with your post above...

You have tried everything, there isn't much more you can do but ask him!

[maxim]

Hi everyone, its me again... I posted a question in April "is my boyfriend attracted to me?". Well... it is now going on a little over a month and we have not had any "intamancy" fun.
We have gone out together for a few drinks and nothing, we get into arguments... he talks a lot, but there is no action. I have asked him what the problem was and all he says is work & stress. He is also very possesive... a friend and I went out for not even 1 hour and when I got back it was 20 questions about who was around, who came near me... etc.
I guess want I want to know is... should I move on and end this "relationship", or should I give it a little more time?:confused:

[shygrneyzs]

A good indicator of things to come is his possessiveness. He already gives you the "20 Questions" routine. Sorry to say that is not going to change over time, it will likely get worse. If you like that kind of micro management from a boyfriend, go for it. But I would daresay you do not appreciate cataloguing every move in every minute for him.

Ditch this guy before he gets a further foothold in your life. He has trust issues that might come from some past history with another relationship (who knows where it started) and you do not need to be a victim of his power plays on you.

Good luck to you. I am sure there is a brighter future ahead.

[maxim]

We ( my boyfriend & I ) have talked about his jealous behavior and he has been working on it... I will give him that. It is the no sex thing that still bothers me... always an excuse. Too tired, Tooth hurts, Stress, Too full from supper ( 4 hours ago ). I really like him but this is really starting to get to me... I am starting to feel like a Teddy Bear... good for cuddles and kiss's, but that's it... he knows that I am fusterated... I even gave him the cold shoulder one night... he just went to bed.
I try and do everything I can from candles and a nice supper - dancing provocativly... which gets nothing but a "Oh, my honey's" and a big back rubbing hug with a kiss or 2.
I am ready to pull my hair out!
What can I do??
I am tired of starting everything, and I am getting REALLY tired of waiting... what should I do? He says he is attracted to me or he would'nt be here ( living with me )... I don't know...
Can anybody help? Am I wasting my time?
P.S
Its been 36 days since our last "session" and even that only lasted for 1 round and hardley any foreplay ( 10 - 15 min. ):confused:

[smoothy]

You are wasting your time. You are fully aware that everyone will have off days... nobody has off years or longer. You've bent over backwards and he has done very little. You basically see that this is how he is... and keep in mind short of a life changing experience he will remain like this.

Life is short. Its best to not waste any of it on this kind of guy.

I'm in the find a new guy camp on this one.

[Lotz_of_Questions]

He is not worth your time.

Come on 36 days, I don't know how you can wait that long.

Good Luck :)

[snotbubble]

Pa, at least you get your leg rubbed:rolleyes:

[sixftbrit]

Gosh I can really relate, and I never thought I would be writing this, I am in a new relationship juts 3 months, should be all honeymoon period still, well it should be ! First 6 weeks were great, wonderful, we talked about the future, and were mad for each other. He did drink quite a lot at this time though, but it didn't seem to affect his ability to do anything.

After the first 6 weeks, his life took a bit of a downturn, he had to leave his flat, and then he lost a major client, he drank a bit more to begin with, well actually a lot more , like 5 plus pints a night... things were still okish on love making front, but it was more sporadic... then gradually we have made love less and less, not at all this week... I adore this guy, it is driving me mad, I have never been in this situation before and I'm over 40.. so I have lived. I have TALKED to him, explained that I am frustrated and that is makes me doubt that he loves me, he juts tells me not to panic and to look at the bigger picture. He told me today that sex was debilitating for him, and he didn't like it taking his energy.. most bizarre... most men want too much sex I thought,. so this is an entirely new experience... I am thrilled to see that am not alone, but saddened to assume that men who are like this cannot change, and if we are sexually alive women we need to move on or massively compromise... so very sad when you love someone, but lack of compatibility will destroy it all in the end it appears... anyone have any comments.

[haleyr]

At least you have sex after a few drinks, mine will have a few drinks and start up with me- foreplay- and out of no where just stop to watch t.v, go to bed or when I get up to get water or a blanket- that he asks for- I come back and he's passed out... not like eith er of those take more than two minutes. -confused

[CravenMorhead]

Considering that the last post on this thread was FOUR years ago, I doubt any of the players in this discussion are listening or care about your problems.

If you have a question or situation please post it in your own thread so you can get help tailored to your situation.