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jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 07:16 AM

Hi I meet this guy online and we started talking and after one day he asked to meet I told him lets talk first and see how it goes. So we have been texting for about a week and half and he wants to meet. One problem he does not have a car. He said he is a plumber and uses the truck for work. Its to expensive to have a car. SO he wants to meet but not to far because he does not have a car. I don't want to be judgmental but he is like 41 and does not have a car. Should I meet him I'm not sure if I want to start something. What do you guys think?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 29, 2016, 07:20 AM

If you don't want to meet the guy just because he doesn't have a car, leave him alone. I wonder if he would want to meet you knowing this. A lot of people don't have cars. Depending on where they live, they don't need one.

CravenMorhead · Sep 29, 2016, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by jackies202

Hi I meet this guy online and we started talking and after one day he asked to meet I told him lets talk first and see how it goes. So we have been texting for about a week and half and he wants to meet. One problem he does not have a car. He said he is a plumber and uses the truck for work. Its to expensive to have a car. SO he wants to meet but not to far because he does not have a car. I don't want to be judgmental but he is like 41 and does not have a car. Should I meet him I'm not sure if I want to start something. What do you guys think?

This is a Dating Answer!

It is up to you. There are many people that age that don't have cars or use work cars. Running a vehicle is expensive, depending where you are it can be VERY expensive. That being said, Before I got married, I had dated a few girls who did NOT have a car. I had no problem meeting them. It seems to be more socially acceptable for a woman to not have a car then a man. Do you think that is right?

The question is, how into this guy are you? Do you want to give him a chance? Or has his lack of car already soured you on this possible relationship? I think you've already made up your mind and you're looking for validation.

My advice is to give it one date, you're not obligating yourself to a year long relationship by agreeing to a date. You're only agreeing to a single date. IF the spark isn't there, then there is no need for a second. No need to start anything up. Don't put more gravitas on this then necessary.

talaniman · Sep 29, 2016, 09:27 AM

Keep talking until you learn enough to be comfortable, or decide it's not worth it. What's the hurry?

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 09:38 AM

True your right what's the hurry we haven't talked long and it seems he keeps pushing to meet and we have to meet near his home because he doesn't have a car..

talaniman · Sep 29, 2016, 09:44 AM

Do you have a car? How far would you have to travel?

CravenMorhead · Sep 29, 2016, 10:04 AM

Something also to consider. Will mental/personality attraction is important, physical attraction is as well. He could be wanting to make sure that you're what you say you are, and not someone 'catfishing' him. You have to look at this from both angles. He is wanting to make sure you're legit as much as you want to make sure he's legit. In this world of online dating it is hard to know if the person you're talking to is who they say they are.

Another thing to consider is that he's probably hit the "I know what I want and I Don't want to mess around" age. When you've realized that you're not interested in the games and such surrounding dating and are just looking to meet a life partner. Things could go quickly with him.

Good luck, whatever your decision is.

tickle · Sep 29, 2016, 11:02 AM

I hope you realize the pitfalls and red flags of on line dating. Ok, he hasn't got a car, no problem BUT he said he wants to meet NEAR HIS HOME. Just make sure you meet him in a well populated open area, and even then if you are attracted to him, don't go to his residence. Get to know him a better before being alone with him. He may not be what he seems to be.

talaniman · Sep 29, 2016, 11:05 AM

How old are you, and where are you in life, career, romance? Do you have more dating options than just this fellow, or a GREAT social life?

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 11:30 AM

Hi thank you everyone yes I will be careful no I have no other dating option at this. I'm 37 and I would say I have a normal social life. He also lives about 5 minutes away from me,

And yes I don't really like online dating. I wish I could meet someone in person

And yes I have a car

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 11:41 AM

But yes not ready to meet up yet and not sure how to tell him

talaniman · Sep 29, 2016, 12:28 PM

If chatting for a few weeks hasn't convinced you to take a chance then I would surely be exploring other options like group co-ed functions and other social gatherings, including causes and educational volunteering and participation.

I'm old school and if I wanted to spend time with a female I would have a good plan to offer her to meet and greet, and he doesn't seem to have one, and least not a convincing one obviously, right?

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 02:05 PM

Lol I guess your right its almost two weeks chatting and yes I guess I'm not ready or convinced

tickle · Sep 29, 2016, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by jackies202

But yes not ready to meet up yet and not sure how to tell him

Just tell him out right. That you are not ready to meet. That is honest, but why would you care about that ? You don't even know if he is who he says he is. Anyone on line who would like to meet me, and said, we could meet 'not far from his house' would make me run the other way for sure. So think about it that way.

joypulv · Sep 29, 2016, 03:36 PM

I say this over and over: When you do meet, meet in the middle of the day in a coffee shop. No dinners, movies, trips, overnights, apartments, houses. NOTHING. Not even his 'relatives.' You have zero way of knowing what is truth and what is lies.

So if he is 5 minutes away, how difficult is a coffee on a Sunday afternoon?
Meeting in person is a million times different from online. I don't blame anyone for wanting to do so.

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 04:09 PM

Thanks tickle yeah he said we cant go to far because he doesn't have a car that's why not far from his house

dontknownuthin · Sep 29, 2016, 04:22 PM

I would not meet him. It's fine to be selective about potential partners. This is an indication of probable financial issues. At 20, fine. 40's? Not so much unless he lives in a major city and doesn't need a car.

smoothy · Sep 29, 2016, 05:09 PM

41 a plumber (and SHOULD make good money at this point) unless he lives in one of the boroughs of NYC... "not being able to afford a car" is raising all kinds of red flags. Poor people can afford cars... I think he's hiding a LOT from you, Alimony to 4 previous wives, reckless spending habits... huge gambling debt... even a DUI where he only has permission do drive for work and nothing else by the court.

I'd drop him like a hot potato.

jackies202 · Sep 29, 2016, 06:36 PM

Thank you smoothy I agree don't want tojudge anyone but its strange and he keeps insisting on meeting after work etc around 7 first time I don't want to meet in the dark etc

He said why not meet in the park o don't think so

Cat1864 · Sep 29, 2016, 07:20 PM

Here is a question for you to think about: You wish you could meet someone off-line. However, you aren't ready to him in person. Why? What makes meeting him in a public spot more unacceptable than meeting a stranger and asking them out after a minute or two of talking?

If you are putting off meeting him in person because you are hearing alarms going off, then don't lead him on with thoughts of meeting up when you don't really think that will happen.

Are you afraid of ruining a fantasy by inserting too much reality? You don't think the man will live up to the myth?

What are the chances you have already met/seen each other in public but didn't realize it?