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miss manners · Apr 14, 2007, 06:20 PM

Hello,
A 35- year old man and his 33-year old fiancée are planning an elaborate wedding. Her family is paying for the reception, but the groom's father does not have any money and cannot afford the elaborate rehearsal dinner for 80 people. The man has asked his siblings for the money after reading that the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. However, the groom makes at least $150,000 year (much more than most of his siblings), and did not contribute to his siblings' weddings when they themselves had to pay for most of their own weddings (given the parents' finances at the time). How right is it for the groom to ask this of his siblings? Should they pay, or should he pay? Opinions welcome. Thanks! Miss Manners

RubyPitbull · Apr 14, 2007, 06:42 PM

Well miss manners, it is not proper for the groom to ask his relatives to pay for the dinner. Not at all. The reception supper is supposed to be held by the parents of the groom. Not the siblings. Technically, the supper is only for those that are actually in the wedding party. 80 people? Well, I am not here to judge, just to offer up an opinion. The bottom line is, if the groom's parents cannot afford to pay for this fancy shindig, they should give whatever they can afford, and the balance is the groom's responsibility only. No, ifs, and, or, buts about it.

P.S. The siblings can choose to give whatever they can afford, only if they want to. This should not be a demand made upon them by the groom.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 14, 2007, 07:00 PM

If the bride and groom do it properly they don't have a wedding or rehearsal dinner that the people paying for can not afford,

So if the bride and groom want more than the father can pay for, then they pay for it, ( they never ask the siblings to pay, that is just not proper at all)

If the father can't afford to pay anything, they either don't have a dinner or they pay for it thierself.

Over spending on a wedding, if such a waste of money that could often be used for usch better uses, So anytime the term, someone can't afford, then it should not be happening to that level.

RubyPitbull · Apr 14, 2007, 07:07 PM

Ahhh Fr Chuck! If only everyone were as practical and responsible as you and I! :)

shygrneyzs · Apr 14, 2007, 08:09 PM

If the groom cannot pay for this elaborate rehearsal dinner, then he should order in Chinese or maybe even McDonald's. He sounds like a cheapskate. To even ask his siblings to chip in is such a faux pas that it is not even funny. Why should his Dad pay for it? It is not his Dad's wedding. This is a sure sign of things to come, if the would be groom acts like this now. If I were the would be bride, I would think twice and three times and then out the door.

miss manners · Apr 14, 2007, 08:54 PM

Thanks to all of you--your answers are exactly what I thought. (However, shgrneyzs, while you're right the groom is a cheapskate, it may not be the bride who should be leaving the groom. I'm fairly certain his request to his siblings is based on pressure from the bride that "my family is paying for the wedding reception; yours needs to pay for the rehearsal dinner." Instead of looking for money, he needs to look for a spine.)