[citylights7979]

Most kids say "my mom invades my privacy" because their mom goes through their phones and such. Well for me, my mom REALLY DOES invade my PRIVACY.

I've had this problem for a long time such as when I am in my room CHANGING my mom would just come in open the door without knocking or asking. Or when I am using the bathroom, my mom would also do the same thing just come in without asking. And if I lock the bathroom door she will get mad and tell me not to lock it. Also, I can't lock my room because my room does not have a lock in it.

How can I get my mom to respect my privacy and not come in while I'm changing or using the bathroom?

[Wondergirl]

Does she explain why she does this?

[citylights7979]

Does she explain why she does this?

Every time I ask her she simply says "because she needs to come in" whether it is that she needs to get something or because she needs to use the bathroom.

[Wondergirl]

Every time I ask her she simply says "because she needs to come in" whether it is that she needs to get something or because she needs to use the bathroom.

What does she need in your bedroom? Btw, how old are you? Male or female?

Is she this way with others in your household?

[citylights7979]

What does she need in your bedroom? Btw, how old are you? Male or female?

Is she this way with others in your household?

Her clothes. She keeps a lot of her clothes in my room instead (which I let her) because she doesn't have much space in her wardrobe to keep all her clothes so she has some in mine since there's more room here.

Also, I'm 16 and female. She always says it doesn't matter because "we're both girls" and she thinks it's okay for her to enter without asking.

I don't have any siblings and she never goes into my dad's room.

[Wondergirl]

Your dad has his own room (bedroom)? Keep her clothes in there.

Even my always-alert-for-trouble mom would knock if my bedroom door was closed. That's the right thing to do. And I would lock the bathroom door when I'm in there. So your mom gets mad. What can she do?

[Alty]

I don't see the problem. The lock on our bathrooms don't work, and my kids constantly come in while I'm on the pot or in the shower or bath. My bedroom door is always open, and most of the stuff in it doesn't belong to me, but to my kids (my kids are 17 male and 13 female). We're not private at all, we're family.

Now, if I really wanted to state the facts, it's my house, I let them live in it. I pay for their food, their education, their clothes, their toys, everything. If I want to go into a room in my house, I go into it, because it's my house, not theirs. They live in it, but they won't live in it forever. When they move out and have their own house, one they pay for, then I'll respect their privacy. While they live under my roof, they're tenants. They're loved tenants, but everything they own I bought them, the room they live in is mine. They can have privacy when they pay for it.

Now, I don't barge in when one of them is taking a crap on the toilet, unless I really need something in that bathroom. Even then, I knock, and then tell them that I really need access. It's happened 2 times in their life time, and I made sure to cover my eyes. Once a day at least I'm in the bathroom doing my thing and one or both of them are there talking to me. I never get any privacy.

Bottom line, it's your parents house, not yours. It's not your room, it's a room in their house that they let you use. Unless you pay rent you have no rights to privacy in their home.

You said that your mom never goes into your dad's room? They have separate rooms?

[citylights7979]

Your dad has his own room (bedroom)? Keep her clothes in there.

Even my always-alert-for-trouble mom would knock if my bedroom door was closed. That's the right thing to do. And I would lock the bathroom door when I'm in there. So your mom gets mad. What can she do?

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.

I don't see the problem. The lock on our bathrooms don't work, and my kids constantly come in while I'm on the pot or in the shower or bath. My bedroom door is always open, and most of the stuff in it doesn't belong to me, but to my kids (my kids are 17 male and 13 female). We're not private at all, we're family.

Now, if I really wanted to state the facts, it's my house, I let them live in it. I pay for their food, their education, their clothes, their toys, everything. If I want to go into a room in my house, I go into it, because it's my house, not theirs. They live in it, but they won't live in it forever. When they move out and have their own house, one they pay for, then I'll respect their privacy. While they live under my roof, they're tenants. They're loved tenants, but everything they own I bought them, the room they live in is mine. They can have privacy when they pay for it.

Now, I don't barge in when one of them is taking a crap on the toilet, unless I really need something in that bathroom. Even then, I knock, and then tell them that I really need access. It's happened 2 times in their life time, and I made sure to cover my eyes. Once a day at least I'm in the bathroom doing my thing and one or both of them are there talking to me. I never get any privacy.

Bottom line, it's your parents house, not yours. It's not your room, it's a room in their house that they let you use. Unless you pay rent you have no rights to privacy in their home.

You said that your mom never goes into your dad's room? They have separate rooms?

Okay, I see your family is probably a lot different than mine. But I just feel disrespected and that my mom could at least tell her she's coming in instead of barging in. And most likely I would let her in if she asks.

Yeah my parents have separate rooms.

[Alty]

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.

I think there's more to this story than you're telling us. Either your mom is a nut case that likes to watch her daughter peeing, pooing, showering, or you did something to warrant her being upset when you lock doors.

That long story of stuff you don't want to tell, may be the answer to all of this.

I'm a mom with two teenagers, and the only way I'd get upset if they locked the bathroom while in it, is if they had a history of doing stuff that warrants me keeping all the doors unlocked, for their safety.

So what's the whole story?

[citylights7979]

I think there's more to this story than you're telling us. Either your mom is a nut case that likes to watch her daughter peeing, pooing, showering, or you did something to warrant her being upset when you lock doors.

That long story of stuff you don't want to tell, may be the answer to all of this.

I'm a mom with two teenagers, and the only way I'd get upset if they locked the bathroom while in it, is if they had a history of doing stuff that warrants me keeping all the doors unlocked, for their safety.

So what's the whole story?

The whole story is completely separate and irrelevant from this whole issue right now. It's pretty much just about the relationship between my parents but I could still share it if you'd like.

And the locking door thing only happened like once or twice and that was years ago where I locked the door when I use the bathroom and she needed to come in and then I never locked the door again.

[Alty]

My mom's not going to keep her clothes in my dad's room. My parents never talk anyway and my dad certainly doesn't want anything of my mom's stuff in his room. It's a long story of stuff that I'm not going to go through.

And if I lock the bathroom door she yells at me and tells me to never lock it again so I never lock the door when I use the bathroom.



Okay, I see your family is probably a lot different than mine. But I just feel disrespected and that my mom could at least tell her she's coming in instead of barging in. And most likely I would let her in if she asks.

Yeah my parents have separate rooms.

I'm really sensing there's more to this story. I'm a very open mom, I've always been one. My kids have never been hidden from real life. They don't cringe or even think it's odd when they walk in on me on the toilet, in the shower, or in the tub. Nudity isn't a big deal to them because it really isn't a big deal and shouldn't be. They were raised that way. Truth is, even if our doors locked, I wouldn't lock them. They should always have access to me. But yes, a nice relaxing moment on the pot, all alone, would be nice. When they move out I'll get that moment, and I'll probably sit on that pot and cry because there's no one interrupting me. I'll miss them. The majority of bathroom times for me involve at least one teen, and 3 dogs. Very rarely do I have a minute to poo in peace.

I will admit, 5 minutes alone while taking a poop, would be nice. But they don't see it as me taking a poop, they see mom, and they need to talk, and mom (me), is always there to listen, even if she's in the middle of something she'd like to have a bit of privacy for. As a mom, I'm there to listen whenever they need me, even if it's not always the most convenient time.

I'm a pretty easygoing mom, but I'm not a naive one. I've been through and done stuff, in my teens, that most people will never have to deal with. So I know when something seems off. Your story seems off.

Either your mom has a reason not to trust you in a locked bathroom, or mom has issues she needs someone to talk to about, which is a good guess since her and your dad don't share a bedroom, or mom is a complete nutcase. Those are the options. Which is it?

[Alty]

The whole story is completely separate and irrelevant from this whole issue right now. It's pretty much just about the relationship between my parents but I could still share it if you'd like.

And the locking door thing only happened like once or twice and that was years ago where I locked the door when I use the bathroom and she needed to come in and then I never locked the door again.

So twice in your life she banged on the door to the bathroom while you were in it, and yelled because it was locked? Only once or twice, years ago, and because of that one or two times you're now afraid to lock the bathroom door when you're using the bathroom?

If this all happened years ago, and only happened once or twice, years ago, why is this an issue now?

What are we missing?

[citylights7979]

I'm really sensing there's more to this story. I'm a very open mom, I've always been one. My kids have never been hidden from real life. They don't cringe or even think it's odd when they walk in on me on the toilet, in the shower, or in the tub. Nudity isn't a big deal to them because it really isn't a big deal and shouldn't be. Truth is, even if our doors locked, I wouldn't lock them. They should always have access to me. But you, a nice relaxing moment on the pot, all alone, would be nice. When they move out I'll get that moment, and I'll probably sit on that pot and cry because there's no one interrupting me. I'll miss them.

I will admit, 5 minutes alone while taking a poop, would be nice. But they don't see it as me taking a poop, they see mom, and they need to talk, and mom (me), is always there to listen, even if she's in the middle of something she'd like to have a bit of privacy for. :)

Either your mom has a reason not to trust you in a locked bathroom, or mom has issues she needs someone to talk to about, which is a good guess since her and your dad don't share a bedroom, or mom is a complete nutcase. Those are the options. Which is it?

My parents haven't slept in the same room for over 12 years. My mom and I never enter his room. I will also add that my dad spends the entire day locked up inside his room doing anything he wants. The only time he will leave his room is for dinner, or to go to work, or do the laundry, and that's it. Otherwise he is just in his room with the door closed.

Its not that my mom doesn't trust me in a locked bathroom she knows that when I'm in the bathroom I'm actually there because I'm USING the bathroom. And I never hid anything or done anything to her either so there isn't a reason that she doesn't trust me.

So twice in your life she banged on the door to the bathroom while you were in it, and yelled because it was locked? Only once or twice, years ago, and because of that one or two times you're now afraid to lock the bathroom door when you're using the bathroom?

If this all happened years ago, and only happened once or twice, years ago, why is this an issue now?

What are we missing?

Well because even if she said it many years ago her rules should still apply to today. And I hate making parents upset and getting yelled at so I just avoid locking the door to avoid all that.

[Homegirl 50]

This does not make sense. Years ago she told you not to lock the door yet you are talking like this is a current problem. She comes in your room because her things are there. How long has her things been in your room?

[citylights7979]

This does not make sense. Years ago she told you not to lock the door yet you are talking like this is a current problem. She comes in your room because her things are there. How long has her things been in your room?

Okay so maybe I'll try locking the door and see what she will do this time?
She's had her things in my room ever since I can remember.

[Homegirl 50]

So why is this a problem now? Ask your mom if she can knock before entering.

[Alty]

Okay so maybe I'll try locking the door and see what she will do this time?
She's had her things in my room ever since I can remember.

Okay, let me get this straight.

Years ago you had one or two issues when you were in the bathroom and your mom came in or yelled if the door was locked. That was years ago, and hasn't happened for years.

You also have an issue with your mom coming into your room but state that your mom's things are in your room, because she doesn't have her own room. So you expect her to stay out of your room even though she has to enter your room to get her things which have been in your room for years?

What are we missing? You say your mom is invading your privacy. How?

None of this makes sense. The bathroom issue happened 1 or 2 times years ago, and the bedroom thing, her clothes are there, so of course she has to go into your room! How is she invading your privacy!

[citylights7979]

Okay, let me get this straight.

Years ago you had one or two issues when you were in the bathroom and your mom came in or yelled if the door was locked. That was years ago, and hasn't happened for years.

You also have an issue with your mom coming into your room but state that your mom's things are in your room, because she doesn't have her own room. So you expect her to stay out of your room even though she has to enter your room to get her things which have been in your room for years?

What are we missing? You say your mom is invading your privacy. How?

None of this makes sense. The bathroom issue happened 1 or 2 times years ago, and the bedroom thing, her clothes are there, so of course she has to go into your room! How is she invading your privacy!

I meant she is coming in when I am changing. She can wait 2 minutes when I'm done and I will let her in and get the clothes that she needs. Therefore, she IS invading my privacy. Yes I do expect that she needs to come in but I expect it to be when I'm NOT changing.

And with the bathroom stuff yes I know it happened years ago. But that doesn't mean I should break her rules just because "it was so long ago". For example, if my mom told me not to draw on the walls when I was 4 that doesn't mean I can do that at 16 just because it happened 12 years ago. And she only tells me I can't lock the door because she needs to come in.

[Alty]

I meant she is coming in when I am changing. She can wait 2 minutes when I'm done and I will let her in and get the clothes that she needs. Therefore, she IS invading my privacy. Yes I do expect that she needs to come in but I expect it to be when I'm NOT changing.

And with the bathroom stuff yes I know it happened years ago. But that doesn't mean I should break her rules just because "it was so long ago". For example, if my mom told me not to draw on the walls when I was 4 that doesn't mean I can do that at 16 just because it happened 12 years ago. And she only tells me I can't lock the door because she needs to come in.

You're 16. In two years you can move out and have all the privacy you want. You've lived with this for years, so live with it for 2 more, move out, and do what you want when you want with all the privacy you can afford.

Until then, you don't pay for your room in their house. You're allowed a room in their house. You don't have a right to privacy when you're living free of charge in someone else's home.

Good luck. :)

[J_9]

This is all such a non-issue filled with teenaged angst.

Truth told, you are 16 and living under her roof. You aren't owed any privacy. Unless you are doing something wrong, you have nothing to hide.