[Silvermist]

My mum works a lot she's a nurse so her hours are different all the time. She is working night shift at the moment so when she gets home she is tired. My brother has been coming over and staying at night. He hates me, he told me he hates me and resents having to spend his weekend babysitting me.

Last night after mum left for work he left told me he would be back before mum in the morning. I asked him not to I don't like being alone in the house but he just didn't care. I didn't want to be there alone and I didn't want to call mum at work so I just went to my boyfriends for the night and came home early in the morning my brother was asleep in his old room when I got home.

I don't know if I should tell mum about him leaving or not? I am to scared to stay here by myself at night, but he already hates me enough as it is.

[joypulv]

Yes, you need to tell your mother. This isn't tattle-tales like little kids saying who took a cookie. She needs to know that you aren't really alone, and that's serious.
Do you have a girlfriend whose parents would let you stay there some nights? Or a relative? Or one of them stay with you?
Can your mother ask for fewer nights? Her husband just died. I would think that the group of nurses might chip in to trade nights for a while.
Your brother of course should care about his mother, at least, and you too, but it's his father who died too, and he needs to help out, be a man.

I'm very sorry that all 3 of you are in this situation. It must be very tough for your mum, having to hold together and be a nurse to others, when she probably could use a little care herself.
You too...
You are all in this together....

The school nurse might be able to suggest a case worker for this. Are you seeing a school counselor yet? Tell her!

[Silvermist]

Yes, you need to tell your mother. This isn't tattle-tales like little kids saying who took a cookie. She needs to know that you aren't really alone, and that's serious.
Do you have a girlfriend whose parents would let you stay there some nights? Or a relative? Or one of them stay with you?
Can your mother ask for fewer nights? Her husband just died. I would think that the group of nurses might chip in to trade nights for a while.
Your brother of course should care about his mother, at least, and you too, but it's his father who died too, and he needs to help out, be a man.

I'm very sorry that all 3 of you are in this situation. It must be very tough for your mum, having to hold together and be a nurse to others, when she probably could use a little care herself.
You too...
You are all in this together....

The school nurse might be able to suggest a case worker for this. Are you seeing a school counselor yet? Tell her!

I have friends who I could stay at but for the moment I'm grounded so she would say no if I was to ask.I have an aunty who lives near by maybe mum would let me stay with her on weekends. I feel like such a burden on everyone they all have enough going on. My boyfriend doesn't mind me staying when my brother leaves. Im not sure if my mum could ask for fewer nights.

I am just confused on what to do. If I tell my mum more stress for her and my brother will hate me even more. Im to scared to stay home alone. My punishment is nearly over so I could wait it out.

[joypulv]

She has to know. You are her minor child and she is legally liable for everything that happens to you. If something happened to you, she could be charged with child neglect.
Grounded applied to your brother staying with you, and he didn't, so everything changes. He's an adult. He isn't obligated.
You aren't quite getting it. Ask her to end the grounded period so you can stay at a friend's and not be alone. Warn your brother that you have to do that.

[Silvermist]

She has to know. You are her minor child and she is legally liable for everything that happens to you. If something happened to you, she could be charged with child neglect.
Grounded applied to your brother staying with you, and he didn't, so everything changes. He's an adult. He isn't obligated.
You aren't quite getting it. Ask her to end the grounded period so you can stay at a friend's and not be alone. Warn your brother that you have to do that.

Child neglect I don't understand nothing will happen to me I can look after myself I just hate staying alone at night. Im just over reacting he's only done it a few times and I won't be grounded much longer then I can just stay at friends. My brother is pissed off enough as it is with me if I told mum he's been leaving me at night it would just cause a big dramma and then he would never talk to me again. Sorry shouldn't of asked the question

[Cat1864]

How would your mother react if she found out you went to your boyfriend's house when you are supposed to be in your own home? Is he a minor living with his parents? If so, do they know you are there and why? If they do, would they talk to your mother? If not, how would they react if they found you?

What would happen if your mother got off early and came home to find him there and you gone?

Is this the same brother who blames you for your father's death? Does your mother know how he feels? He may be hurting but it isn't right for him to blame you for something that was not your fault. He is also letting your mother down if he isn't there when says he will be. Plus there is the chance he will tell your mother that you leave the house after she does making it look like he is there the full night.

Frankly, I think your entire family needs counseling. The strong, negative emotions will only grow more toxic and destroy what is left of the family if they aren't handled properly.

Be honest with your counselor and ask if there is a way to have a session with your mother so that you can start to resolve some of the issues. I know you don't want to hurt her or cause her more stress, but the issues you are having will affect her sooner or later. It is better for all if they are not allowed to fester until someone blows up or has a larger melt down.

[Homegirl 50]

Your mom needs to know what's going on. Staying at our boyfriends is not good. What does his parents think about that?

[Fr_Chuck]

How old are you, did I miss you saying that.

My answer is a lot different if you are 8 or 10, or 15 or 16.

[joypulv]

She's 14. She sneaks out to be with her boyfriend, yet doesn't think any of this is fair or necessary.

Not much is fair to a teenager, don't we all know. We ALL went through variations on this, because we are pushing the envelope of adulthood without really having a clue about being adult.
There are no laws that define how old a child has to be to be left alone at home. It's just when something goes wrong that the parent is charged with negligence.
Gee, what could go wrong? Maybe nothing, 100 times! But all over the world, things do go wrong.
Break ins by robbers. Fire. Accidents where you can't get to a phone or shout out for help. (And of course the really common one, sex followed by pregnancy, or a disease, or just plain old heartbreak, or all of them.)

Each one of you is hurting so bad that you aren't helping each other. ***SIGH***

[talaniman]

Im 14

Even after all you have been through with the bad decisions you have made, I think you are still making bad decisions, using the excuse that your brother hates you, and doesn't stay all night with you, and your dislike of being at home while your mother works nights, to go over to your boyfriend's home.

I think it's time to stop making excuses for your bad decisions, and the bad behavior that comes with those decisions. While my heart goes out for your families trauma due to loss, you and your brother help no one, not even yourselves with this behavior.

You cannot control what your brother does, but you better control yourself, and try to do as you are told, and if you cannot... then tell your mom immediately BEFORE you do the wrong thing.

It may be a little late, since the bad deed has been done, and now you have little choice but to come clean, and let mom know before it get's worse. I cannot emphasize enough your bad decisions, and behavior has CONSEQUENCES, and you should have learned that lesson from your previous bad decisions about going to school. You obviously did NOT. I expect you have more consequences to pay before this mess gets straightened out.

They right decisions can be made if you think about FIRST.

[Silvermist]

How would your mother react if she found out you went to your boyfriend's house when you are supposed to be in your own home? Is he a minor living with his parents? If so, do they know you are there and why? If they do, would they talk to your mother? If not, how would they react if they found you?

What would happen if your mother got off early and came home to find him there and you gone?

Is this the same brother who blames you for your father's death? Does your mother know how he feels? He may be hurting but it isn't right for him to blame you for something that was not your fault. He is also letting your mother down if he isn't there when says he will be. Plus there is the chance he will tell your mother that you leave the house after she does making it look like he is there the full night.

Frankly, I think your entire family needs counseling. The strong, negative emotions will only grow more toxic and destroy what is left of the family if they aren't handled properly.

Be honest with your counselor and ask if there is a way to have a session with your mother so that you can start to resolve some of the issues. I know you don't want to hurt her or cause her more stress, but the issues you are having will affect her sooner or later. It is better for all if they are not allowed to fester until someone blows up or has a larger melt down.

My boyfriend lives next door he's c 14 the same age as me, our mums are friends have known each other since high school. I don't know what his mum would say if she found out I was there I would have to tell her why I was there and she would tell my mum. If mum found out she would be angry I didn't ring her and that I left the house. Yes it's the same brother, I don't know if mum knows how he feels I haven't told her anny of the things he's said or done to me. Hes only left me a couple of times he doesn't have to watch me often he just likes to party and I'm just a burden.

She's 14. She sneaks out to be with her boyfriend, yet doesn't think any of this is fair or necessary.

Not much is fair to a teenager, don't we all know. We ALL went through variations on this, because we are pushing the envelope of adulthood without really having a clue about being adult.
There are no laws that define how old a child has to be to be left alone at home. It's just when something goes wrong that the parent is charged with negligence.
Gee, what could go wrong? Maybe nothing, 100 times! But all over the world, things do go wrong.
Break ins by robbers. Fire. Accidents where you can't get to a phone or shout out for help. (And of course the really common one, sex followed by pregnancy, or a disease, or just plain old heartbreak, or all of them.)

Each one of you is hurting so bad that you aren't helping each other. ***SIGH***

I don't sneak out to be with my boyfriend but you try being 14 at home alone it is scary. I didn't want my brother to leave.

[Silvermist]

I feel like I should defend mmyself here. Im not using my brother leaving as an excuse to sneak off to my boyfriend's, he lives the closest to me if it was just a friends house id still go there so I wouldn't be in the house alone. I know what all adults think,.we arent sleeping together we have hardrly even made out he lets me sleep on his bed and he crashes on the couch. We've know each other forever and respect each other. I know me leaving the house when I was grounded was wrong but I'm so sick of causing eveyone around me stress I weighed the options and it seemed like the best option. Mum doesn't know doesn't have to deal with the stress or fight with my brother. My brother can do what he likes doesn't have to feel like he has to see me and I don't tell making him hate me more. My punishment is nearly over so it won't matter I can organise something else. Thank you for the replys I did ask if I should tell my mum but after thinking it though I think its best not to I realise if I get caught I will be punished

[joypulv]

Your choice. At least as far as we strangers online go.

(And maybe you didn't sneak out to be with him but I read through your older posts and a lot of problems revolve around him. And NOW you tell us he lives next door, a very different story from walking streets in the night. And he's either 14 or he isn't. " c 14 " come on! You aren't being very fair to us. You're the one telling the story, and we can only go by what you say.)

[catonsville]

I feel like I should defend mmyself here. Im not using my brother leaving as an excuse to sneak off to my boyfriend's, he lives the closest to me if it was just a friends house id still go there so I wouldn't be in the house alone. I know what all adults think,.we arent sleeping together we have hardrly even made out he lets me sleep on his bed and he crashes on the couch. We've know each other forever and respect each other. I know me leaving the house when I was grounded was wrong but I'm so sick of causing eveyone around me stress I weighed the options and it seemed like the best option. Mum doesn't know doesn't have to deal with the stress or fight with my brother. My brother can do what he likes doesn't have to feel like he has to see me and I don't tell making him hate me more. My punishment is nearly over so it won't matter I can organise something else. Thank you for the replys I did ask if I should tell my mum but after thinking it though I think its best not to I realise if I get caught I will be punished

I think I have been to this dance before.