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Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 07:32 AM

My mum is always going though my room when I'm not home, my bag my phone she is driving me crazy. I've had big arguments with her over her invading my privacy. I love my mum so much but I feel hurt that she feel as though she needs to constantly be checking on me. Seriously if I had something to hide I would have to be dumb to put it in my room knowing she goes through it all the time. Is it normal for parents to do this, I mean its like a weekly thing. I don't feel as though she is aware of anything I've done that would make her concerned. When I try to talk to her about it all I get "My house my rules" fair enough I just don't see why she doesn't understand my body my life end of story.

I just want to know if its normal maybe I'm over reacting.

J_9 · May 6, 2016, 07:52 AM

How old are you?

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 07:57 AM

Im 14

Curlyben · May 6, 2016, 08:02 AM

As a minor you have ZERO right to privacy.

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 08:11 AM

Zero right to privacy well that's a bit harsh. When do I earn the right for privacy?

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2016, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

Zero right to privacy well that's a bit harsh. When do I earn the right for privacy?

When you are grown and on your own.
Your mom has every right to check through your stuff. Your room , phone whatever is really hers, she lets you use it. It becomes your body your life when you are taking care of yourself and she is no longer liable and responsible for you.

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 08:14 AM

I don't understand why she would want to go through my things? If she wanted to know something ask wouldn't tbat be easier.

smoothy · May 6, 2016, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

Zero right to privacy well that's a bit harsh. When do I earn the right for privacy?

When you are an adult, have a job and have your own place.

Not before then... as long as you are a minor.. or live in someone else's house or they pay the bills. You really don't.

Your are 14... who is paying for that phone? She is.. whose house is it? Hers... yes it really is Her house.. her rules.

Kids make stupid decisions all the time... particularly ones that act like they have something to hide, you know, like you are right now.

Many mistakes will haunt you for life... parents that care about you don't let you do just anything you want... and for very good reason.

In a few short years you are going to understand why you are wrong about all of this.,...when you are a lot more mature than you are now. With luck...you won't have a kid or a criminal record by then. Two things that WILL negatively affect your future and possibilities in life as a teen before you become an adult.

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

When you are grown and on your own.
Your mom has every right to check through your stuff. Your room , phone whatever is really hers, she lets you use it. It becomes your body your life when you are taking care of yourself and she is no longer liable and responsible for you.

My phone belongs to me it was a gift from my uncle so its not hers I feel she is just being nosey. I don't agree that its my body only when I can look after myself. I can do what ever I like to My body and she cant stop me. Really I mean it's a bit extream and embarrassing when she drags me to the doctors and demands that I be drug tested and examined to see if I am sexualy active so embarrassing.

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2016, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

I don't understand why she would want to go through my things? If she wanted to know something ask wouldn't tbat be easier.

If you were doing something you shouldn't be doing, do you really think you would say "yes mom" if she asked you?

J_9 · May 6, 2016, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

Zero right to privacy well that's a bit harsh. When do I earn the right for privacy?

You earn the right to privacy when you move out of her house. For most kids that's 18 years old, or older.

I am a mother of a 14 year old.

While you may think you are mature, and you may be, you still lack the life skills that keep you safe in certain situations.

You may think it's your body and your choices, but in reality your mother is still responsible for you and some of the choices you may make.

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2016, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

My phone belongs to me it was a gift from my uncle so its not hers I feel she is just being nosey. I don't agree that its my body only when I can look after myself. I can do what ever I like to My body and she cant stop me. Really I mean it's a bit extream and embarrassing when she drags me to the doctors and demands that I be drug tested and examined to see if I am sexualy active so embarrassing.

Who pays the bill for your phone?
Your very attitude is one reason she does this. You think you an do whatever you want with your body, but she is the one who will be held accountable. If you get pregnant, can you support a baby? Your mom would have to do it. If you are on drugs and get in trouble, who pays the cost? Your mother.
Grow up girl. There are far too many parents who don't give a rip about what their kids do, who ignore the stuff their kids are doing or just don't care. Be glad you have a mother who is proactive.

J_9 · May 6, 2016, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

My phone belongs to me it was a gift from my uncle so its not hers I feel she is just being nosey. I don't agree that its my body only when I can look after myself. I can do what ever I like to My body and she cant stop me. Really I mean it's a bit extream and embarrassing when she drags me to the doctors and demands that I be drug tested and examined to see if I am sexualy active so embarrassing.

You can do whatever you want to your body? Go try and get a tattoo. Yes, she can stop you.

She he drags you to the doctor for a drug test? To see if you are sexually active? Exactly what have you done to deserve this? Don't tell me nothing. I've raised 4 children. There is a reason she is questioning you.

Are your grades bad? Have you been skipping school? Have you recently become disrespectful?

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If you were doing something you shouldn't be doing, do you really think you would say "yes mom" if she asked you?

No I guess your right but it doesn't make me feel like I could go to her either with the way she acts it makes me angry.

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2016, 08:35 AM

Would you go to your mom if you were doing something you should not be doing? Live with her rules. If you are not doing anything, it's no problem.
Maybe you ate upset that you can't get away with anything.

J_9 · May 6, 2016, 08:36 AM

I don't know any 14 year old that isn't angry with their parents at one point. I know my 14 year old isn't very happy with me right now. All 4 of my kids hated me at one time or another.

As as parents we are responsible for every move you make. If you miss too much school we can go to jail. If you get pregnant we have to raise the baby. The list goes on and on.

Your mother is trying to raise you to be a responsible adult. You may hate her now, but you WILL thank her later.

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 08:51 AM

I understand that as parents you are responsible for our well being, but I think that any choices we make are our own if we do something wrong we are punished for it if we do something good or acbeive something we are rewarded for it, not our parents. She is the one who taugh me my body is my own.I don't want her to go througb my room all the time and not because I have something to hide just because I don't understand why. I don't see that I have given reason to feel she needs to

Wondergirl · May 6, 2016, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

No I guess your right but it doesn't make me feel like I could go to her either with the way she acts it makes me angry.

Do you cheerfully help around the house? Do your homework without reminders? Go to bed at a reasonable time and get up in the morning without a lot of yelling? Do your own laundry? Know how to cook and bake basic things? Avoid arguing and moaning and complaining? Help with younger siblings? Smile at and thank your parents for all they do for you?

Parents don't want to punish their kids for doing wrong. Parents don't want kids to do wrong in the first place and will do their best to keep kids from getting into trouble.

J_9 · May 6, 2016, 08:52 AM

I promise you that your mother is not excited about having to go through your room and your phone.

Invading our children's privacy is not something we parents get excited about, or enjoy. We really have better things to do with our time. There is obviously something you did that caused her to do this. If you can't be honest with us, we can't help you. Parents don't do this sort of thing for gits and shiggles. There is usually a reason, something you did to lose her trust.

Silvermist · May 6, 2016, 09:10 AM

Ok I get that ill be honest I do do things that I know my mum would not be happy about. But she doesn't know anything otherwise I would definitely know she would tell me more like yell at me, punish me. So she does this because she doesn't trust me ? Why not just come right out and say it