[Silvermist]

Do you cheerfully help around the house? Do your homework without reminders? Go to bed at a reasonable time and get up in the morning without a lot of yelling? Do your own laundry? Know how to cook and bake basic things? Avoid arguing and moaning and complaining? Help with younger siblings? Smile at and thank your parents for all they do for you?

Parents don't want to punish their kids for doing wrong. Parents don't want kids to do wrong in the first place and will do their best to keep kids from getting into trouble.

To be honest since my mum started acting weird going througb my things I spend as little time at home as I can. I do come home in time for my curfew and do what she asks me to do thougb but we do fight a bit she is always asks so many questions

[Wondergirl]

To be honest since my mum started acting weird going througb my things I spend as little time at home as I can. I do come home in time for my curfew and do what she asks me to do thougb but we do fight a bit she is always asks so many questions

Then stop looking like you're up to something and are trying to cover up. You make all of us suspicious about what you've done and might do -- and we don't even know you!

Stick around the house, be very visible, and be part of family life. Do you have younger siblings?

[talaniman]

To be honest since my mum started acting weird going througb my things I spend as little time at home as I can. I do come home in time for my curfew and do what she asks me to do thougb but we do fight a bit she is always asks so many questions

To be honest, staying away from home so much and fighting/arguing a lot is as suspicious as it gets, and any parent with a teen knows trust has nothing to do with the responsibility of verifying your teen is safe and has good behavior, because stuff does happen and teens make mistakes and have bad judgement sometimes. Some mistakes are worse than others, and since you have a phone too... OMGOSH the possibilities are endless and scary for a parent.

You should be grateful your parents care enough to watch over you and protect you from those mistakes, and especially grateful the put up with your arguing/fighting, and still ALLOW you the privilege of a CURFEW!

Plus consider, good kid or not, any parent who TOTALLY trusts their kid and lets them make the rules, is irresponsible and dumb as a box of rocks!! So be mad all you want, but OBEY the rules of the house, until you have your own home and kids.

Then maybe you will understand your parents, and appreciate why they are so protective.

So NO, your mom is not over the top, she is a typical parent protecting her very you new teen daughter against all the very bad stuff that can happen in the world.

To be fair to you, you sound like my kids when they were your age, rebellious and independent, good kids but we searched their rooms anyway...out of LOVE, and concern, not to be mean at all.

They hated us, and our rules back then, but they are grateful now that we were tough then. LOL, they are tough on their own teenagers now as well, and I predict, so will you be on yours also.

Hang in there and be nice.

Just saying.

[Silvermist]

Then stop looking like you're up to something and are trying to cover up. You make all of us suspicious about what you've done and might do -- and we don't even know you!

Stick around the house, be very visible, and be part of family life. Do you have younger siblings?

No just two older brothers but they don't live at home any more they are both in there 20 s I miss them but glad they are not here all the time they treat me like a little kid. So from the replys I have received the general opinion is that I shlould be grateful because my mum basically doesn't trust me at all, but that's OK because she does it because she loves me and at least cares. Well if that's true id rather she didn't! She makes home feel like a prision room searches interigation, phone monitored. Its really hard to just smile and be happy about that and want to be around her constant interegation I just want to leave or her to chill out a little

[Wondergirl]

No, we said you are to be grateful because she is showing she loves you and cares about your future.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like she SHOULD trust you!

When was the last time you and she had a good conversation?

[Silvermist]

No, we said you are to be grateful because she is showing she loves you and cares about your future.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like she SHOULD trust you!

When was the last time you and she had a good conversation?

I don't know when the last time we had a conversation was she doesn't really just talk like I've said she just asks me a million questions. Showing she loves me by not trusting me by not giving me the benefit of doubt. The more she keeps acting this way the less I want to talk to her or be around her. She was never like this with my brothers and I've been told about what they did.

[Cat1864]

Ok I get that ill be honest I do do things that I know my mum would not be happy about. But she doesn't know anything otherwise I would definitely know she would tell me more like yell at me, punish me. So she does this because she doesn't trust me ? Why not just come right out and say it

So, she asks and you either don't tell her anything or lie?

Guess what? You aren't trustworthy by what you have told us. You are trying to act like you are innocent and your mother is over-reacting but you are the one giving her reasons not to trust you.

When she asks questions, she is attempting to give you a chance to be honest and earn her trust. When you don't answer, give half answers, outright lie, etc., she knows something is going on. That tells her she is correct in searching for evidence to back up her mistrust.

Frankly, she is showing more trust in you than I would. You seem to be able to pretty much come and go when you want.

I highly suggest learning now how to let go of the frustration and anger. You have a mother. She cares about you. She is there and you can hug her. She isn't perfect and neither are you. It may be cliché but it is true that someday she won't be there in body. Give her a hug and ask to talk with her. Show some maturity in working through the issues instead of acting like a stereotypical teen.

[Silvermist]

Goosh I sound like such a winger lol. Not my intentions it just hurts for her to be so determined to try and find something that I'm doing wrong. I do understand that I should be grateful that she cares enough to give a dam even though I do wish she could maybe turn it down a bit its very hard not to get offended by it and I feel like I don't want to be near her. I don't want our relationship to be this way but I feel I have not much choice I won't be constantly harassed. I don't know what to do to try and get her to just not be this way I cant talk to her I just end up arguing with her she acusses me of something and I get defensive and angry and then we fight. Its just easier to not be home so much

[Silvermist]

So, she asks and you either don't tell her anything or lie?

Guess what? You aren't trustworthy by what you have told us. You are trying to act like you are innocent and your mother is over-reacting but you are the one giving her reasons not to trust you.

When she asks questions, she is attempting to give you a chance to be honest and earn her trust. When you don't answer, give half answers, outright lie, etc., she knows something is going on. That tells her she is correct in searching for evidence to back up her mistrust.

Frankly, she is showing more trust in you than I would. You seem to be able to pretty much come and go when you want.

I highly suggest learning now how to let go of the frustration and anger. You have a mother. She cares about you. She is there and you can hug her. She isn't perfect and neither are you. It may be cliché but it is true that someday she won't be there in body. Give her a hug and ask to talk with her. Show some maturity in working through the issues instead of acting like a stereotypical teen.

I have done things she wouldn't like I admit it and I haven't told her but the things that I have done have in no way harmed anyone or put anyone in danger. I have never lied to her I have always given her an honest answer. I may not have told her everything I have done but she didn't ask those questions. I am not innocent but I haven't done the things she questions me about. She is paranoid she thinks that I sleep around with any boy I see that I am on drugs everyday that's how she makes me feel. Who was that boy your aunt seen you with? Are you having sex with him? You are acting strange today your not right what are you on? Seriously I've never even had sex I'm only 14.

How then do I get her to trust me?

[CravenMorhead]

Goosh I sound like such a winger lol. Not my intentions it just hurts for her to be so determined to try and find something that I'm doing wrong. I do understand that I should be grateful that she cares enough to give a dam even though I do wish she could maybe turn it down a bit its very hard not to get offended by it and I feel like I don't want to be near her. I don't want our relationship to be this way but I feel I have not much choice I won't be constantly harassed. I don't know what to do to try and get her to just not be this way I cant talk to her I just end up arguing with her she acusses me of something and I get defensive and angry and then we fight. Its just easier to not be home so much

This is a bit harsh but it's the truth. You're young, you're ignorant of the world, and you're prone to make stupid, stupid mistakes. Ignorance can be fixed, and you will become wise to the ways of the world. I am in my 30s and I don't think I am all that wise. When it comes down to it, your mum is just trying to make sure that you don't fall into any traps that kids your age tend to fall into. Smoking for example, Weed, or alcohol. You might not hide it in your room but you could have access to it through your friends or through school.

You're at a crucial point in your life where you're becoming an adult. You're starting to be able to make choices and decisions about life and where your life is going. The problem is that you're ability to determine the best course of action isn't all there. Your mom knows you won't come to her because she never went to her mother. Just one of those things. So you're going to be hiding stuff. That boy you met on tinder? Could be a paedophile. She's trying to protect you from yourself and it is a delicate balance. She's not being over the top, she is actually looking out for you.

Privacy is earned. Your young yet, it will come.

[Homegirl 50]

Your mom is not clueless. She was 14 once. She knows you are doing things you shouldn't. She is probably not sweating the small stuff but making sure you're not doing big stuff. If you are and she asked you, would you tell her? My guess is you wouldn't. Maybe she figures her checking up on you would cause you to think twice. You are her responsibility until you are an adult. She has every right.

[Silvermist]

Yeah I am probably just over reacting. It really doesn't matter if she searches my room there is nothing for her find in there. I will try to look at it as though she is doing it because she cares not because she doesn't trust me. Maybe it makes her more suspicious of me because I don't like spending much time at home with her because I fell like she is interrogating me and its not even her asking me questions I get that its when she asks me the questions that come from no where. But I will just try to just reassure her that I am not doing what she thinks. Spend more time at home. I know it must be hard for mum looking after my brothers and me after dad died and I don't want to make her stress anymore than she does so I don't like to talk to her about things that I feel will make her freak out but it seems that I stress her out anyway. I should stop being so me and consider her more

[Wondergirl]

Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!

Suggest to her you two do something together -- bake cookies or play a board game or put together a puzzle or watch a movie.

[Alty]

Being a mom is hard. Being a teenager is hard. Being a mom to a teenager, well, it's not always fun, and definitely not easy.

You're growing up, trying to break away from being a child and looking to being an adult, but that takes time and patience. You're not ready for the really big decisions, not about your body, or your education, or anything. At 14 your brain isn't fully formed yet, you have hormones raging in your body, those two things combined, often lead to bad decisions, decisions that can effect the rest of your life.

I have a 13, soon to be 14, year old daughter. So far I've been lucky, probably because we have an awesome connection and relationship. We talk about everything and anything. She knows she can tell me anything, good or bad, and I won't judge, I'll just give advice, and help. But, so far she hasn't done anything that could really hurt her, and if and when that time comes, our relationship will change. It will have to change. I'll have to play the mom card more and more for her own good. Things like sex, drinking, doing drugs, smoking, and all the other things kids do (and don't kid yourself, we know what you kids do, because we did those things as teens too), are dangerous, and we know they are.

It is your body, but the decisions you're making right now, the things I mentioned, can change your life. A lot of the things you might be tempted to do right now, aren't although legal as an adult (sex, drinking), aren't legal for a 14 year old child. There's a reason for that. It's because you're not mentally ready to make those choices, you aren't ready to accept the responsibility of those choices.

So let me ask you this. What are your plans for the future? What do you want to do when you graduate high school? What do you want to be when you grow up? How do you want your life to go? Do you want to have a career, get married, have kids, have a nice house, 2 cars, be able to go on a trip once a year? Do you want all of that? If so, you have to realize that even though you're smart, you are only 14, and there's no 14 year old in the world that has a full grasp of the consequences their actions will have on the future. One wrong choice and all of that is gone.

Talk to your mom, tell her how you feel, let her tell you how she feels, and find a middle ground. She was 14 once too, and that's why she's so worried. One day you'll have a teenager and then you'll look back at this and you'll understand. Until now, you can't relate, because you're not a mom. But, we can relate to you, because we've all be 14.

Good luck kiddo. Talk to your mom. She loves you. She's worried and she's not communicating to you in a way that you get, but that's only because she doesn't know how. You two have to find a way to talk and listen to each other. If you do that things will change for the better for both of you. Just try, really hard. It won't be easy, but it's totally doable. Okay?

[Silvermist]

Thank you for the advice helps.me understand a little more how and why my mum is thinking and doing these things. I think it will be good for us if we could sit down and talk without it ending in an argument. Although I am a bit concerned if we have this conversation and she asks me to be honest with her I don't know that it will end well. Do you think that its OK not to tell her about certain things if I feel that it will only make things worse.

[Wondergirl]

What certain things? Maybe we can put on our Mother hats and judge if it's a good idea to tell her everything.

[Silvermist]

If I be honest and tell her about any of this I'm really posative that she will beyond mad and what she does now will be nothing and she will never trust me again and I don't want her to be disappointed in me.

[talaniman]

Start by being honest with yourself because you know you have been engaging in bad behavior, and even listed it here before you deleted it. So you are hiding the truth, and that's lying. You cannot expect to be trusted while you do, and are bound to disappoint when the truth comes out... and it will! Deep down you KNOW not only is your mom right, but isn't over reacting by searching your room, or getting tested for sexual activity.

That does make your anger misplaced, and that does make your whole attitude bogus. You can change them both if you wanted too, and if you are afraid to come clean, then a school counselor or trusted adult should be talked to immediately and let them help you change your behavior as you get the courage to get your mom involved in this process.

You both could benefit from talking to someone that can help you both do right by each other, so make a choice, and realize your actions have consequences and yes things may well get very bad, but they will never get better the way you are going about it, so do something about it to help yourself make POSITIVE changes in your life. Obviously your lying hasn't helped things at all so change the whole lying approach PERIOD by stopping it!

Is there a counselor or teacher or trusted adult in your life you can "CONFESS" to, and get some help with your behavior and talking HONESTLY to your mom? Sure mom will be sad, hurt, and disappointed once the truth is out,but at least she and you can deal with it and eventually things can get better and you can EARN her trust eventually. No easing way out here kid, sorry, and the longer you lie and deceive and behave badly the worse it will be in the future.

So make a choice to either keep being an out of control brat, or come clean and get your act together.

[Silvermist]

I know my mumhas been right to be suspicious of me from the way I have been acting and my attitude towards her. I have been hiding the truth from her, I didn't want her to know I don't want her to be angry with me. Im ashamed of the things I have done and the way I have been acting when I wrote it down I felt so guilty and ashamed that's why I deleted it.

Your right I had no right to be angry with my mum or the things she has been doing. She has been through so much I just didn't, don't want to burden her any more. I know I should tell her about quitting dance she will find out soon enough anyway when I don't go to comps anymore I just don't want her to lecture me about quitting. My boyfriend would be something else she should know about, I was going to tell her when we first started dating but she was always asking me so many questions about if I am having sex that I though it would make it worse or she wouldn't believe me when I tell her no I am not and haven't had sex either. Im posative that she already thinks I smoke cigarettes. I know when I do tell her these things the freedom that I have now will be taken away from me, I deserve that so the other things I don't think I need to worry her about I will stop anyway so no point in stressing her out anymore.

I really want to have a good relationship with my mum I was closer to my dad annd when he died I just sort of did my own thing so I didn't bother her. I thought not bothering her was the right thing to do. I just didn't make the best choices in what I was doing and ended up making her more destressed anyway.

[J_9]

If you want a good relationship with your mother, you need to stop smoking, stop smoking pot, stop drinking alcohol, and stay home more and help your Mom.

She has every reason to be suspicious. You see, she already suspects you do the things that you are doing. I get that growing up is hard, but being a mother and being responsible for 2 people is even harder.