[ToolTime27]

I'll try to keep this short. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. We both just graduated college, I am 26, she is 23. We live in North Florida, but we do not live together. I have been looking and looking for months for a job within my field of study and have come up short.

Then, my Father came to visit me about a month ago and offered me a job with his company as an electrician's apprentice. He even said my girlfriend is free to come with me and move in with him and he wouldn't even charge us rent. I thought and thought about it and came to the conclusion that it would really good for my future and it is a trade I have grown up around and enjoy working in.

The problem is that my girlfriend doesn't want to move up with (not surprising) because her entire family is here in Florida. We have talked about getting married and starting a family in the next couple years and have even looked at engagement rings. We are both serious about one another.

On one hand, I feel selfish asking her to move up with me (I don't want to rip her away from her home), but on the other hand I know if she came then I would do anything to make sure we have a great life up in New Jersey (she does have a few family and friends there). And we are both driving up together in 2 weeks for the move, so it is really close.

We also have been arguing a bunch lately, I am guessing because our emotions are running high. If she doesn't end up moving then I would attempt to do long distance, but how realistic is that? I am not sure what to do.

[talaniman]

Comes down to what she is willing to do my friend. How does she feel about this long distance stuff? Does she have a job in Florida? Can she get a job in Jersey? You guys have such a long way to go, and are at a crossroad so early in this relationship.

Did she have any say in your decision to move? Did you ask? You do realize this is a huge step to take for a guy she has only been dating for about 18 months. At least she is riding up with you to check it out so keep an open mind and see what happens. This is your first big challenge as a couple and I don't think she is completely happy with your decision.

Sorry buddy but this is one day at a time territory. Sounds good to you but she obviously doesn't completely agree, so all you can do is shoot your best shot to convince her, and see what comes out of it.

I suspect its probably better you don't live together yet until you get YOUR feet under you, since you didn't live together before when you were in Florida, and as hard as LDR's can be to maintain, that may be better for the time being than jumping into living together before you both are ready.

Like I said one day at a time because really what's the hurry?

[joypulv]

I agree with all of the above.

You may have looked at rings together (big deal) but you aren't married with children and don't own a house together. You don't even know what it's like to live together yet. Get your careers going first.
It worries me a little when you say 'I know if she came then I would do anything to make sure we have a great life....'
Those words are uncomfortably close to the border between understanding her dilemmas vs thinking that somehow you are going to determine her happiness.
Be glad she is taking the trip with you in nice weather. If it were winter, she'd run back to FL in a heartbeat, right?

TALK, talk, talk with each other (at a time when emotions aren't running high). Plan it for specific times each week, if that helps. There are no answers, but it will be a time to respect each other. To show you really care. If your career comes first and her family and future as a mother comes first, sort that out NOW. I watched my mother live a life of misery from the 40s to 2007 because she followed my father from the big city, where she wanted to stay, to small towns, and she complained about it any chance she got.

PS - I worked for an electrician who had a PhD in physics.

[Oliver2011]

As someone who lives in Florida myself, there is no way in holy heckies I am giving up Florida for Jersey. Did you see this past weekend? Wow was that beautiful. I’ve never had my windows open in May before.

This sounds like you may have sprang this on her pretty quickly. It probably has her head spinning with many thoughts about you moving too fast and physically moving too fast, maybe not wanting the same things in life, your career means more to you than she does, all kinds of thoughts. And I don’t blame her. Even though you have been together 18 months, it’s still only 18 months which is relatively new. New relationships don’t need a 180 degree turn like this. You need to give her some time to wrap her head and arms all around this abrupt new thing in the relationship.

I guess some people have made the long distance thing work but more often than not they fail.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are going to work and be there, in a good job, Then it is her choice, she either moves, or basically the relationship is over.

In long distance it is OK for a little while, but the issue is, she will have to move there, at some point, in 2 months, 4 months or something, or it is just over.