[lisa1102]

Hi I have been chatting with this guy for a couple of weeks who I met online and I have to say he has seemed to have his guard up. Last night I asked when we should meet up? He answered me he was to busy to date and not much interest in me as well. So I answered no problem take Care. This morning I got a text from him that said I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that I've been kind of stressed out lately. Should I give him another chance. It was rude what he said but not sure if I should give him a chance? What do you think?

[smoothy]

What's wrong with someone local you can talk to face to face with... that you know for a fact isn't using someone else's photo and is who they claim to be. Something that is highly likely what this person is doing.

You really have to wonder...if he can't get a date with anyone near him...there has to be a really good reason for it...and working a lot isn't it.

[Wondergirl]

And he may be living under a cloud of constant stress. That wouldn't be my idea of enjoying a new relationship. OR, as smoothy implied, the "stress" might just be part of his agenda to hook you ("awwww, poor guy, he needs me") and pull you in.

[CravenMorhead]

Or he could be hiding something a Wife/kids/girlfriend/etc.

I would be suspicious.

[smoothy]

I'm thinking wife / girlfriend at home is most likely... he hits up on women online to stroke his ego...

He doesn't have "time"? Bovine excrement. It takes a LOT more time to play games online than it is to go out and get a real date.....

I've met women, had long conversations with them and ended up in bed (and not a one night stand or a bar pickup and with no alcohol involved) in the course of an afternoon. And I am no greek god.

Waste hours chatting online with no tangible results....with an excuse he has no time? OK, and I have some oceanfront property in Oklahoma I'd like to sell you too.

He's either married, has a girlfriend...and/or is a total loser.

[lisa1102]

Hi thanks everyone not married for sure but still strange for someone to not have time to date I don't get it

[smoothy]

Definitely something going on he isn't being upfront about.

[talaniman]

You have been warned that he is rude, has no interest, or time to date so why even give this a second thought, let alone a second chance? A second chance for WHAT? More CHATTING off and on? If you are so curious to get why he is the way he is why haven't you just asked instead of just taking his apology at face value and not getting more FACTS.

Then you may GET this stressed out busy fellow who has no time to meet you. Hell, if he doesn't seem willing to MAKE time, then why are you wasting YOUR time on him? Maybe there is nothing to "get" except the fact that you cannot ACCEPT what little you do know about him and that he isn't that into you.

The chatting can't be that good for you to ignore the OBVIOUS can it?!

[Cat1864]

Hi thanks everyone not married for sure but still strange for someone to not have time to date I don't get it

First things first, do you want to get to know him better? Are you willing to essentially start over in getting to know him? Can you stop yourself from holding his lapse of good manners against him (if it doesn't happen again) in the future? If 'no', walk away. You have very little invested in even having a friendship with him. If 'yes', then you may need to set aside any preconceived ideas of what you think his life is like.

You have said he seems to have his guard up. I get the impression that you may not know very much about his life. That is okay. Some people take longer than two weeks to become comfortable with another person. He may be the type who takes things much slower and/or his life may have complications he isn't ready to share, yet. What do you know about his life? Does he work? Go to school? Have family obligations? All of the above?

While what he said sounded rude, I can't help but wonder if he was reacting out of panic. Why he may have panicked, I don't know. Only he can tell you if you are willing to ask and listen. If you decide to give him a chance, keep an open mind. He may be a jerk or he could be holding back information that he is sensitive about until he gets to know you better. He may be trying to keep himself or someone else from getting hurt. Would you be understanding if it turns out he has a child that takes up most of his free time? What about taking care of an ailing parent? What about a disability?

Bottom line, are you willing to give him another chance?

[joypulv]

lisa, you sound a little insensitive and clueless. And literal! 'strange for someone to not have time to date I don't get it' --- come on, you really take that at face value?
There are as many reasons for saying what he said as there are stars in the sky.

Leaving out the truly scary creeps, married men, and liars, there's also people who think they are ugly or have some defect that makes them hide. They prefer online relationships.
Some have no money, and can't even afford to take themselves out.
Some are working and studying and really shouldn't take time.
Some are taking care of a sick parent, and can't get away from the house without feeling guilty.
One thing you can do is suggest a daytime walk and talk in a park for just an hour. That's what I would do, and I'm not even broke, or a man. Not a 'date' so much, free, not really alone, safe, and easy to end.

Maybe if you actually got to know him in more personal ways online a while longer, you will have a better idea of some sweet and endearing reason. Or not, of course.

[lisa1102]

Thanks everyone yes I have some what got to know him online so I did give him that chance but after awhile its time to meet if not what is the point.

[talaniman]

That's a very good question only YOU can answer. What's the point of being strung along with his drama and issues any longer, whatever they may be? Since the whole point of connecting online is to meet in person and explore the possibilities of that connection then why be stuck on what seems to be a dead end here. LOL, he can make his case anytime if he wants, but for now chalk the experience up to chat buddies, and move on to the next OPTION to meet and connect with someone.

Don't look back, don't dwell, just chat someone else up, and better luck next time! :D

[smoothy]

Personally I'd run far and run fast.

Someone that's going to pull stunts like this now... is going to do far worse in the future.

Time wasted is time you will never get back.

[lisa1102]

Hi thank you everyone yes I agree best thing to do is forget about this and run...