[Loner_7]

So me and my friend have just entered our teen years quite recently. However, even though we're in the same registration class and has been separated as we're not the same level in anything, we have not been talking as much. I use to sit with her for lunch and break all the time and now she is sitting with a friend, let's call her Jamie to make it easier to understand, who is a friend of the most popular girl - they're both in my registration class. Jamie is friends with another girl who is pretty smart but that girl doesn't like my friend and hangs out with her only because of Jamie. I have asked many people for advice - I tried talking with her, I tried to give her something all the time she just ignored me. I gave her space and then tried to talk to her and she is still either ignoring me or insulting me. I'm actually very smart and helped her with her homework lots of time but she accepts the help then just leave me. I gave her many gifts because she asks for them but then she just goes back to her more popular friends.

I have many other friendship problems but all has been solved now. She was my best friend now I'm questioning myself - was she just using me the whole time? During this period I became friends with many guys and that's when she started talking to me again. I was quite happy because she was my best friend and I was glad to have her back. But then she sat with me and the guys everyday and was basically flirting with everyone and bought her popular friends too. I even walked in on her trying to kiss my crush who had asked me on a date the same day. She sits with her other friends now and I don't know what to do.

My guy friends are nice but they aren't somebody that understands all my girl problems like my best friend used to. My parents told me that I should just move on and concentrate on sports and learning but this problem has added to my stress. My guy friends - my only friends try to help me though even though I know that since I wasn't as close to them as they are to each other so I know I will get chosen last anyway and I never did go on a date with my crush because of her for certain reasons I don't want to say. I'm just going to say you might not think this is a big problem and that I'm just going to forget about it and leave it but when the teachers and my friends aren't around her and her friends bully me because I'm a loner. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I would stand up for myself but let me tell you it ended badly.

I'm going to say that if you respond and give advice that I could use I would be really grateful for it. I apologise if this type of problem isn't a problem to ask people I don't know about but at this moment I'm desperate. Thank you for all of your help if you decide to answer and read my what I think is long description.

[talaniman]

You shouldn't stress because your best friend has seemed to change on you. You have all changed somewhat in the last year or so and that's a normal thing for your ages. Some changes at this time are sad for sure, but the way she has changed toward you has little to do with you and more about how she handles herself and her own issues. I know that's hard to see for you through your own hurt feelings, but that's what it's really about.

Your parents are right, you really do have to let her go and deal with herself for a while, and make new friends and try to have your own activities during this transition from the grade school to middle school and eventually the high school life. I know it's not easy but you have to change your whole focus from what was the old way into what's important NOW as you make a new way of thinking and acting, and who and how you deal with them.

This includes the crushes on guy friends, and guys in general because THEY are changing as you and your friend has also, because of those intense raging hormones that preteens and NEW teens boys, and girls must go through, and this is a natural unavoidable thing. All humans go through it. Seldom is it a smooth thing for anyone, even though it seems some handle it better than others (Like those popular people who bully you for being a loner. They have a clique to support each other and feel important and okay about themselves, while you do NOT and are independent and need no clique or pack to run with... just one or two good friends to talk to about things that are important to you.).

So basically you are caught between best friends, and instead of wishing for the old one back, look around at others and chose another who is WORTHY of your friendship and loyalty, and don't be sad that you have not found them/her yet. YOU CERTAINLY WILL, especially if you try new things not just athletics and sports, but music, art, or even academics, and fun stuff as the whole point is to have fun learning as you EXPLORE other things and PEOPLE.

So don't even take your old besties new attitude personally, she is a lost lamb right now (Like ALL your age is) trying to find herself and fit in someplace, and as you see she wants to be popular so moves to the popular clique. Keep giving her space to do so and a matter of fact, give her even MORE so her problems and issue AND CHOICES don't affect YOU badly, AND keep standing up for yourself, as it may seem it didn't work out great at the time, but later you will realize it was the right thing to do for YOURSELF! Never forget the popular crowd is full of themselves, just like any other person who bullies others for any reason.

I know, very hard to let go of old friends, and habits you have come to depend on and be very comfortable with, but to grow better you must change for the better, so start with not seeing yourself as a loner, but as an independent person that can make choices for herself and doesn't have to have a pack to be popular, and go in and out of any circle and attracts GOOD people because you ARE a good person. That goes for crushes too, as they will come and go, and not all of those crushes will be for you or even good to you. They have their own hormones to deal with, and like the girls, some deal with them better than others.

You cannot control how others deal with these life changing intense hormone driven feelings, just how you deal with your own. Channel them to be good to yourself, and do good things for yourself, even if friends and crushes CANNOT. It will get better when you grow AND learn, just listen to your parents and teachers who have all been through this before.

They made it, so will you! Good Luck!

[CravenMorhead]

Friendships and relationships have best before dates. You're not going to be friends forever. People grow and change and you often find that the friendship you once had has changed and is no longer what it once was. It is the way of life. Trying to stay in a relationship or friendship beyond the best before date often leads to heartache of one form or another. It is easier to just let them go on their own path.

The other thing to realize is that in school you're thrust into a room with a number of other children whose only common tie is a geographical area. And then you're told to make friends. The friendships are often ones of convenience and familiarity that don't stand long periods of absences. Ask a lot of adults and I can almost guarantee that most of them have no ties with their primary school friends.

So what do you do? Let her go on her way. Treasure the memories that you have of your friendship. Grieve the friendship. Move on and carry on with your life. If she wants to be a priority in your life then she will come back, if she doesn't... well so be it. Don't give much more thought to this.

Good luck.

[Homegirl 50]

People change. At your age there will be a bunch of changes, in you and you friends. Don't sweat this girl and as talaniman said, don't take it personal.
You will make other friends, enjoy them. As time goes on you will lose some of those and make new ones. That is the way it goes.

[smoothy]

Like everyone said, you are just entering your teen years... people change and they will continue to change into their early 20's when change slows down, but it never really stops.

Friends grow apart... people who were not your friends before sometimes find themselves becoming friends, or you make new friends. Sometimes they find things changing and move on first... other times it will be you.

A few friends you might have for life... but for the most part most of your friends will come and go over the years with new ones replacing old ones.

One thing you need to do.. which helps you get through life... is remember the good... and let the bad go.. don't dwell over it or the past. You can't have one foot in the future and keep one foot in the past... you will find you go no where while the world moves on.