[jsanders801]

Hi everyone,
So I met this girl 4 months ago. We have been boyfriend and girlfriend for 3 months.
I am 32 and she is 30. The first few weeks were perfect. It was easy and fun. We enjoyed each other and respected each other. Then, I started to see signs (Red Flags) and changes in her behavior.

One day she would be really tired and look really messed up. Most of the time I would go to her house and cook for her because she didn't want to drive 30 minutes to come see me. She said it was too far and didn't want to put more miles on her leased car. Haha. She didn't want to see me on Valentine's Day or on her Birthday. This is when I confronted her. She came clean and told me she has a drinking problem and she is addicted to adderall.

Keep in mind, she has 2 kids and is a nurse. I told her I would help her in whatever she needed. She said I was the best thing to come into her life because when she's with me she doesn't do those things and she leads a clean life. She told me how much she loves me and how much she misses me when I'm gone.

The next day I get a text from her saying "Hey, I was thinking and I'm not ready for a relationship. I need to work on myself. I hope you understand" Just like that, no phone call or anything. I called her... we talked then she said "Well, we're still boyfriend and girlfriend. I was just upset. I wanted to break up with you first because I'm afraid you'll break up with me"

I told her that was really messed up. We worked it out and continued dating. When we were together it was great, but when we were apart she was so distant and I could tell she was drinking from her texts and not wanting to talk on the phone. Two nights ago, she text me "I'm so proud and happy that you are my boyfriend. I believe you came into my life for a reason. I love you and miss you and I can't wait to see you"

12 hours later I get a text in the morning saying "Hey, I decided I can't be in a relationship right now, I need to work on myself. I hope you understand" Basically the same thing.
I called her and she ignored me... She texted me I can't talk sorry. I have nothing else to say. She blocked me on Facebook and we haven't talked since.

Is any of this my fault? I mean I cooked for her all the time. I was always there to support her. I guess I dodged a bullet, but I do miss the good times we had. Why do I feel so bad?

[CravenMorhead]

It isn't your fault. Remember this. She had many issues coming into this relationship and I think the truest thing that she said was, "Hey, I was thinking and I'm not ready for a relationship. I need to work on myself. I hope you understand".

The problem with any addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, sex, or World of Warcraft, is that the addict needs to desire to be free from the addiction. She doesn't want to be free from her addiction. She's got issues and YOU CAN'T FIX THEM. Only she can fix them. You're not responsible or have any blame for anything in this relationship.You can't take her water balloon and blame yourself when it doesn't float in the air.

Take a deep breath. Take a drink, coffee, or whatever calms you down, and realize that you dodged a bullet here. Accept that it has happened. Stop fighting for this cause and move along.

[joypulv]

Write her a letter containing just one sentence: If you want my help JUST finding the right avenue to get off Adderall and booze, let me know.

Adderall is speed. She's going to kill herself mixing it with booze. And she's a danger, a real danger, to her patients and her children.

Odds are that she's LYING when she says she has to work on herself. She had to cut you off so she can go back to her habit.

[jsanders801]

Yeah, I agree. I mean, you should read the text messages that she sends me when she's "messed up" or "high" its crazy. She is also involved in a hospital lawsuit... someone is suing her and the hospital. She claims she had nothing to do with the patients after problems, but I'm starting to have my doubts. I'm just a nice guy and I like to help people out. It just hurts that she completely shut me out after I was there for her. Especially ending things through text message.

[smoothy]

If you stick with her you are going to have a lifetime dealing with her, issues. You never stop being an alcoholic.. you can only stop drinking... the craving will be there it would be a daily struggle remaining sober. Some manage it... others don't.
I don't doubt you are a nice guy that only wants to help her. As was mentioned... I don't think she really wants help... and until she admits to herself she has a problem... its likely to get worse.

If you have the fortitude and patience to stick with her... you are a better man than me. As far as I see it. You only get one chance at life... it shouldn't be wasted on those that don't appreciate you fully.

I see a mountain of debt in her future over that lawsuit... Don't even have to know the details... with her abusing drugs AND alcohol... its going to be near impossible she WASN'T using them on the job. And the Judge and jury is going to see it too.

Marry her down the road and then her financial problems become your financial problems too. You will more likely break up and look at all the time that's lost you will never get back.

Lots to think long and hard about... Only a handful would have stuck around... I'd have run as fast as my shoes could carry me.

[ma0641]

"She came clean and told me she has a drinking problem and she is addicted to Adderall". It would not be the chance I would want to take.

[joypulv]

STOP wallowing in hurt past a week. She's doing you a huge favor, whether deliberately or not. She could have seen how far she could have gone using you, even if it's cooking or picking up milk for the kids on the way over. Most addicts are good manipulators, and she may have a good heart.

Do some research on nearby rehab places, write that short note, and put it all on a back burner. At least then if she ends up in a gutter or dead of an overdose, you will know you tried.

[talaniman]

Whew! You are one lucky guy to have found out early that you cannot save this sick puppy for herself, but I suppose you should get 10 points for being a good guy and willing to try. Breakups always suck and make you feel bad, but this female has issues and it's typical addict/alcoholic behavior to come into someone's life, and turn it upside down. That's just what we do!

At least you will have great memories of good times so say a prayer for her and be grateful she let you go before it got really UGLY. Yes it was going to get UGLY!