[Garnicus]

Well, I am 21 and merely by choice, I've never been in a serious relationship before. But in the last three months and a half, I met this quite young girl (she's only 18), extremely good looking, taller than me, smart and quite mature for her age. We got to know each other and immediately started dating. I fell for her.

Everything was perfect between the two of us, we would see each other everyday (which I think now was a big mistake, well, she seemed happy with It), and when we were together, she would be always lovely and caring, and the sex was great. The problem was that when we were not together, she would rarely call or text me, let alone ask me to come over. I had to do all this myself, and of course I wouldn't feel comfortable with It. And there was this female best friend of her's, that she liked her so much that I sometimes felt like a mere second option. It sucked. That aspect of her not “pursuing” me (phoning, texting etc) that I mentioned earlier improved a little, but three weeks ago she started to act cold and moody, and one day she asked me to come over and we broke up, I didn't question It, acted indifferent, and just went home. I didn't talk to her in the break up period.

In that period, things went really downhill. Both my mother and hers had an argument over our break up and they stopped talking to each other. My ex-girlfriend then messaged me saying she missed me and wanted me back. I gave her a second chance. We met the day after and had great sex. Everything was OK, when two days later she suddenly messages me on Whatsapp and says that It will be hard for her to date me now since mine and her mother won't talk to each other and that she can't even come to my house anymore. I said that I still could go to her house and her mother – despite what happened between our families -, still liked me and I could go to her house as I normally did. She then said It wasn't enough. I confronted her about her feelings about me and that If she really indeed liked me, she would be willing to fight for our relationship together.

She then said that she “needed time”, and that she no longer knew what she wanted. I gave It to her. For over a week we had no contact. In that one week period, her mother told me she was moving on, then at the end of the week, since I thought I had nothing to lose, I sent her a message asking If It really was over. She said: "I don't know" and that she "Likes me very much"; and while texting, since she was near by, we met, then kissed a few times, and I asked to her face: "Is It over?" and she wouldn't answer. Didn't say a word and changed subject. If that's important info, in our meeting, she acted very lovely and caring, like she always did.

And then yesterday she changed her Whatsapp's status two times and they read the following, first: "My heart is a mess", and second: "There's two types of endings: happy endings and endings that are necessary".

What's with this girl? Does she want me to humiliate and beg for her to love me? I will never do that. She can't even make a decision.

I know our families don't get along anymore and her mother is trying to persuade her to not get back with me (she told me she doesn't want her daughter dating anyone anymore), but If she likes me as she says, would she follow her mother's advice?

Should I confront her about her Whatsapp's status? Give her a ultimatum? Or just stop communication with her and quietly move on? I really like her but I tired of all this.

Thank you.

[CravenMorhead]

Hi!

She loves her drama. It isn't you but her honestly. An important truth for you. No one is mature for their age. No matter what they seem. Maturity is a vague concept and we like to use it to define a person. The second piece of knowledge is that, as you're experiencing, the late teens and early 20s are a time for a person to find themselves and refine their existence. They're going from a semi-controlled world, being school, to a completely unknown and uncontrolled world. It changes a person. You go from being dependent on your parents to being independent. This is something that she's probably grappling with at the moment.

It is hard to form a lasting long term relationship at this point. Not all, but most relationships around this time in your lives will end. It is just the way the brain and body are finishing with puberty.

With that being said. Move on. It is over. She has a bunch of issues that she needs to sort out and the family pressure is going to doom it. At points it sounds like she is leading you on because she's wanting to have a relationship but is unsure. I don't think you want this drama in your life.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Be grateful for the 3 months you had, but unless you want more of this confusing, frustrating drama, YOUR decision is to walk away and keep your dignity and self respect. I mean do you really expect a young female to go against mama because she likes you and the great sex?

Let it go like you should have the first time you got dumped.

[Oliver2011]

Why do you have to “confront” about anything? Can’t you just merely have a conversation?

Speed kills on the highway and in a relationship. You two couldn’t possibly know each other inside and out after a couple of months. If you rush a relationship then it’s doomed to fail quickly. Learn from this and take it down a notch. Yes than means you might have to keep your winky in your pants a little longer, but it may work out better in the end.

[Garnicus]

It is just that I liker her and this uncertainty is making me feel bad. Should I just move on without having any last conversation?

[Oliver2011]

That’s up to you. Do you want to continue feeling bad while she strings you along? You will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a long time if you don’t walk away. It’s tough to do but minute by minute you will start feeling better. The thing to guard against is jumping back in if she sends you a text to string you along some more.

It is just that I liker her and this uncertainty is making me feel bad. Should I just move on without having any last conversation?

[Garnicus]

What really pisses me off is that I asked straight to her face: "Is It over?", but she didn't say a word. I think I would cope better If I simply got rejected. But quite the contrary, she keeps playing games, saying she likes me, but only doesn't know what she wants, that she's confused; and since I like her, I am blindly reading these signs as a way of making our relationship work again. I think she just is not interested anymore or she is liking someone else(why would her heart be mess?).

[Oliver2011]

When you’re on that emotional rollercoaster the why isn’t as important as jumping off. Otherwise you are going to continue to feel bad.

You know I say this all the time and people sometimes don’t buy it. But you can’t control what people say or think about you, so let that go. What you do control is how you think and how you feel. So if I am in control of how I think and feel, then I am going to feel good all the time despite actions of other people. Why give anyone that control over you. I know if my partner broke up with me that I would have enough strength to get through it just fine. And we are madly in love and have been so for a long time. So don’t allow someone control over you and feel great. It does work.

What really pisses me off is that I asked straight to her face: "Is It over?", but she didn't say a word. I think I would cope better If I simply got rejected. But quite the contrary, she keeps playing games, saying she likes me, but only doesn't know what she wants, that she's confused; and since I like her, I am blindly reading these signs as a way of making our relationship work again. I think she just is not interested anymore or she is liking someone else(why would her heart be mess?).

[talaniman]

If I simply got rejected. But quite the contrary, she keeps playing games, saying she likes me, but only doesn't know what she wants, that she's confused; and since I like her, I am blindly reading these signs as a way of making our relationship work again.

Of course maybe it's YOU thinking with the wrong head.

[joypulv]

a) 21 can often be a LOT older than 18
b) Your maturity is a bit lacking in my book. You saw each other every day, yet felt hurt when she didn't text or call? That's high school attitude.
c) The bit about the two mothers is bizarre. It sounds like you live in a country of arranged marriages, where young adults allow parental influence to decide a relationship.
d) She is confused, clearly. Pretty ordinary for 18.
e) You ask nowhere questions like Is it over. She's not running the show; you are in a relationship. That means you hold her hand and say gently "If all this is too much, I will go away, but I still care about you very much. I'm sorry about your mother, and all the confusion, and hope I wasn't too pushy. I'll still be around. I don't know for how long; no one can know that." Or something better. Something that shows you are on a TWO WAY STREET.

[Garnicus]

@joypulv

Well, I don't think my maturity is lacking. We would see each other everyday, but only because I would offer myself to come over. She wouldn't say: "Come over to my house". Furthermore, she would never send me a Good Night's message. The part regarding the two mothers happened when my mother confronted my girlfriend's mother about her daughter's feelings towards me after our breakup, and It didn't end well.

As for the part of me asking if the relationship is over, I couldn't help It, I had to ask It, because I am basically in no relationship anymore, we don't even text or see each other anymore. It all comes down to the fact that she's confused. What can I do about It? Humiliate myself? I have already talked to her two days ago, face-to-face, and SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.

e) Why do you think saying those words to her will make any difference?

[ma0641]

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.
That's a good clue to move on.

[smoothy]

Move on... WAY too much drama with this one... she sounds more like a 16 year old than a "mature for her age" 18 year old.

But that's not unusual... 18 year old might be legal adults.. but they share car more in common with 16 year olds than they do 20 year olds.

Maturing is a process. Its not suddenly instilled into you the day you turn 18.

Most 18 year olds are still trying to figure out who they really are... and that has to happen before they are going to finally decide what path they are going to go down as an adult.

THerefore its a huge waste of time expecting her to take the path you want her to take. its Clear you are both on paths that take you in opposite directions. Thats life...you move on and maybe your next one might be in a similar path as you.

[Garnicus]

So guys, she ended things with me today. According to her, her mother doesn't want her dating me anymore. If that's fair, I don't know. But sadly for me, I have to move on.

Thank you all for your advice.

[Garnicus]

And now she comes with the strategy that we should give It time so that we can then talk to her mother so that we can make things work out. Well, I don't know what to make of all this.

[Oliver2011]

Really dude? Are you kidding me? Did you not hear a word I said? These are just some of the questions I have.

Enjoy the drama rollercoaster. Let us know how you feel if you eventually get off.

[smoothy]

Maybe you deserve every bit of misery she is going to cause you before she strips you of what self respect and dignity you might still have left if you spend another day swooning over her.

Otherwise run far, and run fast... and don't look back over your shoulder. Nobody is worth this sort of aggravation. Not when over half the people on earth are female.

[writer1hal]

Hello,

You had a great time with her when you both were together. But she does not know what she wants which means that your relationship was merely for fun. She is not in love with you nor you are! So there is no major point to continue this relationship. MOVE ON! Maybe she will move on sooner than you do once the relationship is distant. Times like this come and go. Consider this drama as a lesson on how to pursue a successful relationship.

Good luck! :)

[Garnicus]

@Oliver2011
@smoothy

I won't contact her anymore, as I already mentioned. I am moving on. I just couldn't tell her to "go to hell" or something of the sort, I don't think this would mature, let alone appropriate. She wants time, and I just read between the lines. It that's the way she's ending It, that's another story. Maybe It is, maybe not. Giving It some thought(no, I am not defending her), I kind of understand the whole situation, because her mother is extremelly protective, and arrogant, she could give her a beating If she disobeyed her, as happened in the past; yes, the girl is highly dependent on her mother. I am not saying, though, that this is the only reason of her confusion regarding our relationship, she might have also lost interest. I don't know. What I do know, is that I am done with all this.

Anyway, thank you all for your help.

[J_9]

At 18 and 21 your mothers should not be involved in your relationships. This is a huge red flag, and one that should tell you to run for the hills.

It's time to go completely No Contact. Lose all contact info, block her from social media and move on to a healthier relationship.

Oh, and tell your mother to stay out of your love life.