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    teachermama3's Avatar
    teachermama3 Posts: 32, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Apr 12, 2007, 11:31 PM
    He wants to see me with other men.
    :eek: In addition to being abusive, my husband has expressed fantasies of wanting to see me with other men. He has even asked me if he could bring someone home from work to join us, or he wanted to know if I knew somebody... Of course, I said NO... He seems really turned on by this whole idea... What gives?
    LByronn's Avatar
    LByronn Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
    New Member
    		  
    #2

    Apr 13, 2007, 12:12 AM
    It looks like your husband doesn't have any respect for you. You should be careful and might consider leaving him for your safety. Every woman need respect. Absolutely not someone like your husband.
    AKaeTrue's Avatar
    AKaeTrue Posts: 1,599, Reputation: 272
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    #3

    Apr 13, 2007, 12:32 AM
    That's a sick fantasy!
    He probably wouldn't be able to handle it if it were to ever actually happen.

    However, give this a thought...
    He could be trying to see if you'd ever be willing to sleep with another man besides him...
    Sort of like seeing if you'd ever be unfaithful by using his "fantasy" as a means to coax the truth out of you...
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #4

    Apr 13, 2007, 12:54 AM
    ABUSIVE??
    How abusive?
    What are doing with him?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #5

    Apr 13, 2007, 05:45 AM
    If he is abusing you then its another form of abuse. Unless it's a fantasy you wish to share, then don't do it. Some guys get turned on by that sort of thing. I'm not one of them however.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #6

    Apr 13, 2007, 06:47 AM
    "What gives?"

    What gives is your "husband" doesn't give a SH-- about you.

    I hate to over oversimplify, but the truth is you need to go to couples therapy -
    Which I highly doubt he would do... Or you need to leave him, which I highly doubt
    You would do... At least put him on warning that you plan to leave him if he does
    Not begin to show you respect ASAP. You can try a trial separation later.

    Tough love is sometimes the only love left.

    After that, the abyss, and life's too short for that.
    So, stand up for yourself - today. PLEASE.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #7

    Apr 13, 2007, 07:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by teachermama3
    In addition to being abusive.... What gives?
    If your husband is being abusive, don't you see this "fantasy" as being another form of abuse?

    Let's say you said "yes", and he brought someone home. What do you think would happen the day after the deed was over? Would he blame you for being "untrue"? Would he escalate his abuse? Would he want to escalate his abuse to something sickeningly sexual?

    There is nothing wrong with a loving couple discussing and exploring their sexual fantasies together. However - If you are being abused, you're not a couple... You're a victim.
    Jessyfay's Avatar
    Jessyfay Posts: 164, Reputation: 4
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    #8

    Apr 13, 2007, 10:15 AM
    You should question his sexuality , maybe he's using this fantasy to come out of the closet or he is so ashamed about his feelings towards men that he can only live through them, through you, but if that's not it than he's has no respect for you and he's a pig who just see's you as an object, Leave him and Leave Now! There is help out there, If you call your local police department they can help you find a temp. home until you can get on stable ground. GOOD LUCK
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Apr 13, 2007, 10:29 AM
    After reading your other posts Teach, you had better break this bondage and get the professional help you need to find a healthy life, and your own happiness. The sooner the better. You will not find it with the one you call husband, and that's a proven fact.
    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
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    #10

    Apr 13, 2007, 11:21 AM
    I have also read your other posts. And I have a feeling that he is trying to set you up. Turn it around and say that you cheated. It doesn't matter that you were acting on HIS fantasies. He could try and use it against you - to say that you engage in sexual acts with other men - so you are a bad person, etc. Don't fall for it.
    He has already beaten you down enough. Don't degrade yourself anymore for his benefit.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #11

    Apr 13, 2007, 11:41 AM
    Sadly this is a fanticy that a lot of immoral people have, one only has to look on many of today's "dating" sites to see couples looking for a extra partner.

    Today's socity has fallen to basic animal instancts of pure pleasure with no restrictions.

    I would be very concerned if he is serious on this desire, which it sounds like and if there is other abuse, I would suggest a getting out
    EnglishRose's Avatar
    EnglishRose Posts: 279, Reputation: 49
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    #12

    Apr 13, 2007, 05:53 PM
    Honey I think the thing your husband gets off it is degrading you. This is not the same as a threesome, it is like he thinks he can 'lend' you to his friends, like you are a possession. He loves the power more than anything.
    If you go ahead with this and it is not something you want to do you will hate ourself for going ahead with it afterwards especially if it is a trick.
    I really think that if you are in a relationship with someone that you yourself describe as abusive then you really need to leave! I
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