[I ask]

Hi my friends,

I've recently been very confused about whether to have a NSA relationship or not. Hope I can get some advice here from your guys or gals... Read my story first please.


When I met this guy, I just came out of a 12 years relationship and
Moved to Canada from an asian country, living by my own and wanting to
Start a new life (that was 10 months ago). I was new to the country and the culture, lonely, longing for someone to be with for company.

I met him online, we exchanged email everyday for more than 1 month
And I felt he is kind, caring, interesting, smart and sensitive to my
Feelings, then we had our first in-person date. After that he wrote
To me that he would like to see me again. Although somehow I felt he
Is not completely the IDEA of him as I saw in his mails, I still
Decided to give him a trial, as I thought those discrepancies might be
Explainable by cultural difference and I need more time to find out.
Then in our subsequent mails, he confessed that he had been in the US
Prison for 17 years for being involved in drug smuggling, but he also
Assured me that he has had nothing to do with those stuff any more.
I thought of walking away at that time, but finally I decided to keep
Trying, as I considered his confession a sign of being honest to me
And being sincere to the relationship. We had the second date
2 weeks after the first one, and when he was kissing me good-bye, I
Felt him so irresistible and then became physical with him (I know I
Was totally WRONG now). Later on we became closer, but meanwhile I
Found him is not my "Mr. Right". He does not deceive, but he is so
Used to living alone (he is 45 years old now, has half of his life living alone) and cares more about his own feeling than mine; his "black" history also made him difficult to trust others. We had fights and one day he left. But I did enjoy the time being with him. He made the most wonderful love to me ever in my life.

Quite often I miss him, and I know he always has the crush on me too (he has mentioned over times that I was the only one among the women he knows who has ever challenged him emotionally and mentally, and he never felt any closer with anyone else mentally). I don't know when, but just one day, I picked up the idea that maybe I can have him
Around just for NSA relationship. Yes, I do miss him. But, NSA relationship is totally new to me, and I'm not sure where it would / could take me. So, hope someone can throw me some lights and help me out of the confusion...

Thank you.

[talaniman]

No Strings Attached, or Friends With Benefits, works as long as two people are on the same page, and on or the other doesn't expect more, which almost always happens. That's when things get stickey, when one of you wants to be an exclusive couple.

[I ask]

Thanks Tala,

I see what you mean. I need to assess how much and for what I want to have him back and he wants to have me too...

Have a nice day!