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jlent · Nov 19, 2015, 08:37 AM

Hi, I took the time to read some posts on here and I read a lot about RED FLAGS. Here is my situation. I have been dating my current girlfriend for about 6 months.

Sometimes I completely trust her and sometimes I don't. Three months into our relationship she said she was going out with friends. That night her story didn't add up and I casually asked her about it. She got real nervous and defensive. We got in an argument and didn't speak for about 10 days.
She called me and we made up. I went to her place and we were about to have sex. I went into her bed stand drawer where the condoms usually are and they were ALL GONE. (About 4 of them) I asked her what happened to them? She said "Oh, I didn't think I would need them anymore, so I threw them out." But she bought a brand new box she had in her closet? So she apparently threw about 4 out only to buy more?

The box was sealed. It was a Trojan Gold box Ribbed style. The condoms were in a Gold wrapper as well. I kept it imprinted in my mind for some reason. For the next 2 weeks she came to my place and things were fine.
Three days ago I slept over her place. When it was time to grab the condom from her nightstand drawer, to my shock, there were 4 Trojan Ultra Thin condoms in a Gray wrapper. The yellow ones were nowhere to be found. I checked her closet where the box was and there was no box. Where did the 11 condoms go?

I took the remaining 3 condoms with me to see if she would notice. Last night she texts me "You can keep the condoms". I played dumb a bit and said "What condoms? You threw the ones out in your drawer remember?" She said "Well I took the ones from the box and put them in the drawer". Which is a flat out lie because that box was Gold and they were ribbed condoms in a Gold wrapper. Not Ultra Thin in a Gray wrapper.

We argued on the phone about it and I spoke my mind. She got very upset and defensive and said "I don't sleep around. I can't believe you would think that of me. This is really messed up. They were the same ones from the box I have in my closet". I told her "Ok, listen, just take a picture of the box in your closet and if its Gold. I'll apologize, say I'm sorry and admit I was being an ." She said "No, I'm not taking a picture, this is stupid. You are wrong. It's the same box. I said again, that a simple picture would end the whole debate... but she wouldn't...

We ended the call with no resolution and a not so good of a feeling.
Are these red flags? Or am I over thinking it?

smoothy · Nov 19, 2015, 08:54 AM

It doesn't matter If she really is or not... if either of you are convinced the other is cheating then the relationship is all but over. Particularly if the accusations are false...the relationship has been poisoned by the very fact they were made and believed to be true. A marriage particularly if there are kids are worth working through is...just dating...move on..if its like this now...its never going to change and will only get worse. Nobody likes being accused of stuff....and if they actually did it...will this be thrown at them every time there is a disagreement in the future?

jlent · Nov 19, 2015, 09:06 AM

I understand what you are saying, but I didn't accuse her of anything. I just asked questions that didn't make sense to me. Throwing out condoms only to buy more doesn't make sense to me. I agree though, if it's like this now, its only going to get worse.

CravenMorhead · Nov 19, 2015, 09:06 AM

Half of what I see is that you don't trust her. This is a major problem. The second major problem is that you've already decided that something fishy is going on and that she's probably cheating. You've not thought that maybe she uses those with her toys. Makes for easier cleanup of the toy in question and gives a different feel.

I will admit that it does seem odd that she's going through a lot of condoms. Have you discussed exclusivity? I know it has been six months and a lot of this is implied but if she's not on the same page as you. Also said, it has only been six months, that isn't a long relationship and the first little bit is the get to know the person and evaluate them as a partner. I am thinking that the trust issues here are dooming it. As well as this sex issue.

I would honestly just cut your loses and leave. I Don't think you can recover this.

jlent · Nov 19, 2015, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Half of what I see is that you don't trust her. This is a major problem. The second major problem is that you've already decided that something fishy is going on and that she's probably cheating. You've not thought that maybe she uses those with her toys. Makes for easier cleanup of the toy in question and gives a different feel.

I will admit that it does seem odd that she's going through a lot of condoms. Have you discussed exclusivity? I know it has been six months and a lot of this is implied but if she's not on the same page as you. Also said, it has only been six months, that isn't a long relationship and the first little bit is the get to know the person and evaluate them as a partner. I am thinking that the trust issues here are dooming it. As well as this sex issue.

I would honestly just cut your loses and leave. I Don't think you can recover this.

Yes, we made it clear we were exclusive. Most of the time I do trust her, its just that when things like this come up (Red Flags) and she's not honest, it makes me 2nd guess her. I don't believe she has a vibrator.

smoothy · Nov 19, 2015, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by jlent

I understand what you are saying, but I didn't accuse her of anything. I just asked questions that didn't make sense to me. Throwing out condoms only to buy more doesn't make sense to me. I agree though, if it's like this now, its only going to get worse.

You didn't tell her but the thoughts ARE in your head... and they won't be forgotten.

Incidentally...if you REALLY want exclusivity, get engaged. Otherwise "agreement" or not, there is no expectation unless to take the next step.

catonsville · Nov 19, 2015, 09:39 AM

There will always be that lingering thought, so move on before it gets more complicated and real hurt sets in.

talaniman · Nov 19, 2015, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by jlent

I understand what you are saying, but I didn't accuse her of anything. I just asked questions that didn't make sense to me. Throwing out condoms only to buy more doesn't make sense to me. I agree though, if it's like this now, its only going to get worse.

Intended or not your question were accusatory, but right or wrong you had a right to ask. The snooping though is crazy, you should have cut this off before then, and saved yourself the rest of the drama. Red flags mean STOP, go no further.

Hey at least she USED condoms, and you both had your fun getting to know each other. That's as far as it got and you know enough to decide to just be FWB's ;D... OR NOT! Either way the experiment ain't working and that's the red flag you better not ignore.

Qwerasdfzxcv · Nov 19, 2015, 05:08 PM

Yea she neeeeeds to go, nobody needs someone like that around

Fr_Chuck · Nov 19, 2015, 09:56 PM

The issue with "red flags" are they are guesses, and no one knows.

This has gotten so bad, that from a short term dating, it is not worth saving.

She may or may not have cheated. Or still cheating. While relationships can be saved from cheating.

At this point you could never trust her and have started doing silly things of looking for more.

Just move on and be happy.