[n2life83]

If I were as mad as I was the moment the fight happened, I'd say "F*&#ing dishwasher". But I'm better now. Anyway, does it ever seem like your S.O. is trying to weasel out of chores? Sure, my standards of tidy-ness are a bit higher than his, so I get I'd probably do a bit more than he does... you know, to appease myself. But he likes a clean home, too. He complained about the dishes not being done after he got home from the gym yesterday. But they weren't done because I asked him to do them earlier that day... so they remained undone. In other words he wants me to do the dishes I asked him to do. What a weasel. Anyway, at the moment: I work, he doesn't, and he yelled at me about the dishes after he came back from his 2ND 1.5 hr workout at the gym of the day. And the day before, he watched his football game at the gym (about 3 or so hours), meanwhile, I cleaned the whole house, and made a few meals for us. Does that seem fair?

During our fight he blurted that it seems fair to him that I cook for him, but he not have meals for me. Doesn't seem fair to me. What is up with that type of attitude? I don't see any sense in it.

He used to work, and I didn't, during which I did everything (I mean everything) domestic. Now I work and he doesn't, and I STILL am expected to do everything domestic? But hey, he's taking his unemployment period to work on himself. I just wish he gave me a little more priority than going for that 2nd gym trip. How do you all deal with a person like this?

[DrJ]

Stop cooking. Stop cleaning.

You bring home the bacon.. he needs to get off his and contribute.

[teacherjenn4]

I'd stop going to the grocery store, cook a small meal for myself, and only do my own dishes and laundry. It'll definitely get his attention.

[talaniman]

Same guy as this thread?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...re-781909.html

If it is it's more of the same stuff you had before. If it's not it's more of the same stuff you had before. Expect others to respond with more of the same stuff you had before.

[CravenMorhead]

I would re-read that thread and look at things.

Another thing, when a couple moves in together there is a period where household duties are delegated. It usually stays like that regardless of what happens. So you got a job and he lost his. Same duties are expected to be done within the home regardless of the spare time of each. Kind of crappy.

He sounds like a my way or the highway type of person. Might be good to get on that highway. I don't think you should subject yourself to his temper tantrums.

[catonsville]

It seems like you have been "Beating that Dead Horse" for over a year and a half. Time for you to stand up and make some real changes. Enough of Same Old, Same Old.

[tickle]

OH, god, get RID of him !

[Precious7]

I think its time to Shake the ground up. Bring some earthquake. And communicate with some decisions. You have to make it clear that you are serious. And this has to be done. Don't say those words which tells him that ''he doesn't have Job'' now and or ''good for nothing'' kind of words. But tell him that the only way to work it out is to understand the important of present situation where you both have to work it out and its kind of impossible for you to juggle everything. So ask help instead of ordering!

[joypulv]

You need to ask yourself if you are willing to keep complaining and listening to him complain, or issue a calm, prepared, reasonable, ultimatum.
That would be sitting down with paper and pencil to make a list of all chores that you did while he was working, and which he needs to do now.
If he won't work on the list, you have a pre-planned response about breaking up.
If he agrees to the list but doesn't do it, same thing.
Or.... keep going the way you are.
You actually asked us 6 questions (the last one about spending time with you), all of which I think you already know the answers to.
So are you just venting, or do you want to know how to 'deal with him' (I gave my suggestion), or do you want to dump him? I'd dump him.

[Questionair]

You sound like a sad little puppy who's looking for a way out. My advice is to act like a grown up and deal with him personally about your problems and not the other way around. Don't look for reason to pick fights, and don't keep your mouth shut, if he loves you he'll listen if not then your wasting your time anyway. There is absolutely no need to go on a rant about you significant other on an online forum. Good luck!

[Alison_Y]

Or you can try to ask him nicely, use words like "appreciate you help".
If it doesn't work, trying something else.
I know it is hard because he is lazy, but it may solve that problem by using few words, why not give it go?

[Fr_Chuck]

So what happened, did he finally clean the dishes or did you?

That answer is the answer to all. If you did, then you have a habit of asking, and then ending up doing it yourself.

So, you and he , need to write out a schedule of duties, my wife and I do it informal.
If she cooks, I do dishes, if I cook, she does dishes. I wash my own clothes, she washes her clothes. Who ever is the last person out of bed, they make up the bed.

I work, longer hours, than she does, so she does other things.

But... we also have a deal, if she keeps complaining, on how I do something, I stop doing it. So, if I was your husband, and you complained about the way I wash dishes, I would stop washing them completely.

Those dishes would have sat till they were growing, or he did them, in my house.