[LadyCheech]

So my boyfriend and I have know each other for two years and dating for seven months now. We started as friends and then began dating. It's kind of hard to explain but he isn't really the romantic type, an well simply I am. My boyfriend kisses me but he doesn't really cuddle me or hug me nor does he rarely ever compliment me. An when we have sex the foreplay doesn't last for more than a minute. He doesn't even call it sex! He calls it "F***ing". We've only ever been on one date. And I'll be honest I wish he'd be more romantic like take me on nice dates, buy me flowers, or even at least call sex "sex" or "love-making". I know in these situations you should be open and honest with your partner. And believe me I've done all that an I've done right. You know how your supposed to. And he openly told me he doesn't want to be romantic with me. An I want that kind of stuff I want to be complimented, I want to be cuddled, I want all that romantic stuff. And he doesn't want it, he doesn't think it's important especially if he loves me like he says he does. Now correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the romantic stuff necessary in a relationship from time to time? Am I wrong for thinking it matters? Am I wrong for thinking it'll bring us closer? Because the one thing he is actually open about is how he thinks we're great together and how he loves that I'm so understanding about the things that matter to him. And here's the thing I don't get he loves that I'm so understanding of things that matter to him, but Why can't he be understanding about the things that matter to me? How do I deal with something like this?

[catonsville]

What a picture you have drawn. Please, run, don't walk away. He doesn't love you. How can you publish such a portrait of nothing and still think you are going to change him? That Leopard will never lose his spots. If you are looking for love and happiness it won' be there.

[Wondergirl]

Does he show his love for you in other ways?

[talaniman]

Are you so in love you turn a blind eye to how he is really is and will never change? If you know what you want in a man and a relationship why do you settle for this man and this relationship?

You can't change him, but you can change going along with his program. You don't have to keep getting forked for nothing.

Don't worry when you have had enough you will leave.....or he will.

[misspurple77]

He is not willing to give you what you need. He shows no respect for your wishes and therefore not for you. I would have left a jerk like that a long time ago! No foreplay equals no sex with me! Why are you putting up with this!? That is the real question. It seems as if you have some selfesteem issues and you really need to work on that. Leave this jerk immediately and get some therapy, so that you won't let yourself be treated like this again.

I am in therapy right now and in the past I used this book: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young. I really recommend it to you. It can help you understand why you are putting up with this and help you to turn it around.

Good luck!

[Precious7]

I think to feel being loved it's the necessary and one of the important base line for the relationship. As a women its more important. But I understand if HIS way of communication love is different. However, If your relationship and chemistry between you both are like this, I think its better to move on, its better now, because you both are not married. As earlier post said, You cant change him! Until unless he himself understands you and takes some steps towards changing himself the way he communicate his love. And if he truly Loves you, he will do that but if he doesn't He will not change. And remember if he changes, the inconsistencies would be lesser and consistencies in his changed behavior would be more. As an individual, I would say, for women its most important to feel secure and loved from his beloved. So, if its not there in your relationship. No matter how you try from your own side, its not going to work in long run.

[CravenMorhead]

There is only one part of this I want to address. My advice is simple, you're not getting your expectations met. This won't change. Either your lower your expectations to stay or you leave. You've seen, through your relationship and his last ones, that this is how he treats his women. Accept it for what it is or leave. IF you're feeling like this isn't want you want for the rest of your life, then go.

... Now correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the romantic stuff necessary in a relationship from time to time? Am I wrong for thinking it matters? Am I wrong for thinking it'll bring us closer? Because the one thing he is actually open about is how he thinks we're great together and how he loves that I'm so understanding about the things that matter to him. And here's the thing I don't get he loves that I'm so understanding of things that matter to him, but Why can't he be understanding about the things that matter to me? How do I deal with something like this?

You're wrong. Each relationship is like a snowflake, different and unique. For a lot of people this so called "Romantic stuff" isn't wanted nor desired. Even time to time. Projecting your wants and desires onto EVERY relationships just to validate your desires doesn't validate them. Everyone works intheir own way and most of courting is finding someone who works with you. There is someone, spoiler it isn't you, that will work GREAT with your boyfriend.

It won't bring you closer but in fact draw you apart because you're forcing him to do something that he clearly doesn't want to do. If he wanted to do it, then he would. He's going to resent you because you're going to emasculate him with your demands. Then you'll break up.

Here is another spoiler love isn't enough. He might love you but he's showing you his love in a manner you're not accustomed to nor are desiring. He could be just saying it because he has feelings for you. Who knows what is going on in his mind. The salient point is whether you want to live with this type of love and romance.

[smoothy]

Seriously... two year, you know what he's like... he's not going to change... not much anyway. Can you change your own nature to suit him? No you can't.. and neither could anyone else.

You take them how they are.. of find someone else. Thinking you can mold anyone else into your own vision is a fools errand.

Ever hear the quote. "You can't teach a pig to dance. You annoy the pig and frustrate yourself."

[Jake2008]

I see this as a communication problem.

Somewhere, there has to be an understanding, on both sides, of the needs and wants of the other.

Him saying he isn't the romantic type, shouldn't translate into him not trying ways to please you, that he may very well come to enjoy himself.

Maybe he feels he cannot live up to your expectations; does he know exactly what those expectations are, and how to achieve them?

Lovemaking is not an exact science, and again, the needs and wants of each partner have to be considered. Maybe a book on sex, or making love, or how to please your partner can be enjoyed together?

Maybe try asking for his time, to discuss your relationship. Without being critical, list what you would like to see, or what you'd like to develop with him. See if he's willing to try different things. Ask him to bring a list to the table, of how he sees the relationship, and how you can better please him, with his needs and wants. If you don't ask, maybe you are missing out on information here that might help improve your understanding of him. And him of you.

Communicating with him, arranging time for just the two of you to talk, with a specific time and place, every week, or every other week, to start. Give him time to get used to the idea before you start.

If he cannot communicate on the most basic of elements of any successful relationship, and trying doesn't seem to make a difference as far as change goes, then ask for couples counseling. A commitment to couples counseling- not a one shot deal.

If you want to have a long lasting relationship with this man, and he is unwilling or unable to change in order to shape the relationship into something both of you are in sync with, then consider that he may never change.

If, at that point, you are still in the same place, it seems to me that you have a choice to make, whether to stay or not.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are a booty call. Not a girlfriend. He has you for his sexual pleasure and to take care of his needs, without any concern for yours. Other men find a hooker for this but they have to pay her. So at least the hooker gets something, you get nothing.

So, cross your legs and don't give it out, until you get to go on some dates, and when sex starts, if there is no foreplay, stop it, and don't do the sex.

[misspurple77]

They already communicated. You talk about making love, but he talks about f***ing, that is all that he is willing to do. He doesn't want to change and I would be very surprised if he will be willing to go to couples counseling if he is not even willing to do fun things like dating or foreplay with her!

I see this as a communication problem.

Somewhere, there has to be an understanding, on both sides, of the needs and wants of the other.

Him saying he isn't the romantic type, shouldn't translate into him not trying ways to please you, that he may very well come to enjoy himself.

Maybe he feels he cannot live up to your expectations; does he know exactly what those expectations are, and how to achieve them?

Lovemaking is not an exact science, and again, the needs and wants of each partner have to be considered. Maybe a book on sex, or making love, or how to please your partner can be enjoyed together?

Maybe try asking for his time, to discuss your relationship. Without being critical, list what you would like to see, or what you'd like to develop with him. See if he's willing to try different things. Ask him to bring a list to the table, of how he sees the relationship, and how you can better please him, with his needs and wants. If you don't ask, maybe you are missing out on information here that might help improve your understanding of him. And him of you.

Communicating with him, arranging time for just the two of you to talk, with a specific time and place, every week, or every other week, to start. Give him time to get used to the idea before you start.

If he cannot communicate on the most basic of elements of any successful relationship, and trying doesn't seem to make a difference as far as change goes, then ask for couples counseling. A commitment to couples counseling- not a one shot deal.

If you want to have a long lasting relationship with this man, and he is unwilling or unable to change in order to shape the relationship into something both of you are in sync with, then consider that he may never change.

If, at that point, you are still in the same place, it seems to me that you have a choice to make, whether to stay or not.

[tickle]

All I can see is that he takes you for granted and if that is the case it won't change.

[talaniman]

After 7 months of dating it's definitely time to re evaluate this relationship. Friends with benefits has gotten rather old hasn't it? For you anyway, it seems.

[dontknownuthin]

Yes, you are wrong - but not for thinking that your needs should be met in a relationship. I've heard of guys not being quite as romantic as their women would like, but seriously - calling sex "f-ing"? That is not just unromantic - it's trashy and disrespectful of you. He's treating you like a cheap hookup and it won't get better in time. In fact, the longer you are together, the less he will try. You are wrong to have sex with a man who refers to relations with you as "f-ing". You are wrong to be in a relationship with a man who acts like you are just a booty call. You are wrong to be searching your soul for whether your feelings are legitimate - they are. You are dating an immature jerk.

Just be done with him and next time you consider dating someone, watch their behavior the first several dates and pay attention to the red flags. Don't just hook up with men - nothing physical until they show that they are going to make an effort for you, and are interested in getting to know you, and are considering you as a potential life partner. If they don't make the effort, you aren't worth it to them or they just aren't clued in enough to know how to have a mature relationship.

This is about more than what he calls sex or whether he buys flowers. This type of thing indicates whether he will make an effort, consider your feelings, or be present in the relationship. The guy you describe is not going to help with child rearing. If you need a ride to a hospital, he'll go out with the guys for a drink. He will treat you as if you are irrelavant, and you will go through life feeling incredibly surprised - all the time - by how self-centered and absent he manages to be. Just get rid of him - good men are out there.

[DrJ]

Soooooo... what exactly do you see in this guy?

Why are you even with him? Don't just say "cuz I luv him". I mean.. really ask yourself WHY are you with him?