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starstude · Mar 16, 2015, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why would you want someone back who dumped you? Why did you break up?

because you value the relationship, and the person, not just yourself and you believe you can make it better and it was a circumstantial breakup

starstude · Mar 16, 2015, 08:06 AM

If time had passed how much time should you wait?

What would the definition of acting as a friend after a breakup since your not really talking a lot?

What do you mean by romance ideas?

Would that mean that he would not want you to tell them how you feel?

Originally Posted by J_9

Then tell me what the "right reasons" are. What was his reason for breaking up with you? You failed to mention that.

that you value the relationship and believe you can bring more to relationship in terms of working hard in it,

starstude · Mar 16, 2015, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Then tell me what the "right reasons" are. What was his reason for breaking up with you? You failed to mention that.

Wanting to make the relationship better than it was before and valuing to make it better too

talaniman · Mar 16, 2015, 08:20 AM

What the heck is a circumstantial break up, and why not tell us how old you are, and how long you were together? I appreciate the questions but we would appreciate more information about the situation a lot more.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 16, 2015, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by starstude

because you value the relationship, and the person, not just yourself and you believe you can make it better and it was a circumstantial breakup

Did the circumstances change? When a person dumps you the relationship was not valued by them.

Cat1864 · Mar 16, 2015, 08:22 AM

To add to the other background questions, how long were you dating? What were the 'circumstances' of the break up?

To be honest, you do sound young and desperate. Please read what you have written as though someone else wrote it. Look at how the person is looking for a way to manipulate his/her ex back.

At best, he may be willing to stay on friendly terms for a variety of reasons such as children or workplace considerations. At worst, he might be wanting to keep the door open so that he has a playmate when his other "friends" aren't available. Are you holding on so tightly to the thought of getting him back that you don't mind the thought of being used when he has nothing else going on?

Frankly, you need to think more about yourself than about him and what he might do. You cannot control his thoughts and actions. You can control your own. Get involved in your own life. Stay busy. Go out with your friends. Try new hobbies. Make new friends. If he spent a lot of time at your place, move things around so that you aren't constantly thinking about his presence in your space. Give yourself support in moving forward. When you catch yourself looking back (and it will happen), don't dwell on the thoughts. That gives them more power than they should have. Turn to face forward and keep moving. Less chance of tripping over your own feet if you watch where you are going instead of paying more attention to what is behind you.

starstude · Mar 16, 2015, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

To add to the other background questions, how long were you dating? What were the 'circumstances' of the break-up?

we were in a long term relationship

if you believe that you valued the relationship and do not have other reasons than that than there would be no other intentions

Originally Posted by talaniman

What the heck is a circumstantial break up, and why not tell us how old you are, and how long you were together? I appreciate the questions but we would appreciate more information about the situation a lot more.

A circumstantial breakup means it was long distance, and the age was stated above in late 20s, and it was a long term relationship

Cat1864 · Mar 16, 2015, 09:14 AM

Knowing it was a long distance relationship brings up more questions.

1. How did you meet?

2. Have you ever met in person?

3. How long did you date? How much of that time was spent in the same location?

Loving someone does not mean you should be together. If he has decided to let go, you cannot make him want the relationship. Since you are not in the same location, there may be factors you don't know about. He probably gave a lot of thought to his decision before telling you. In cases like this, the person doing the breaking up may already have moved on or is entertaining thoughts of seeing other people.

I don't know how long ago the break up occurred, but I can tell that you are still actively denying that the relationship was not viable, at least to him. You need to let it and him go. Let yourself heal.

Healing is different for each person and varies by the circumstances. For you, this may take time because you are still clinging to the relationship. For him, it may already be over regardless of what he tells you.

Give yourself a chance to heal.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 16, 2015, 12:20 PM

If the circumstances have not changed, you would still be in a LDR, then why would he want you back after breaking up with you?
You need to move on.
Had you ever met him? How long was the relationship?

starstude · Mar 19, 2015, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why would you want someone back who dumped you? Why did you break up?

Great answer

odinn7 · Mar 19, 2015, 05:44 PM

I'm coming in late but I have read everything so far and...wow...for someone wanting help, you sure are making it difficult for everyone. You won't answer why he broke up with you...you answer people's questions with cryptic answers or even more questions. Do you really want help/answers? It doesn't seem like you do.

LDR and he broke up with you...my guess is that it's over and there is no point in hanging on. Did you ever actually meet each other in person? Why did he break up with you? Perhaps he was tired of the LDR thing and met someone closer...who knows....all we can do is guess and keep going in circles since you don't want to be straight forward here.

joypulv · Mar 19, 2015, 06:08 PM

You didn't mention LDR right at the beginning, which is extremely important. That means to me that you just can't describe a situation in a meaningful way. You want very concrete answers for all situations as you define them. Everyone is jumping through hoops for you, and you aren't helping. You think there is a rule book and a cook book for love.

Alty · Mar 19, 2015, 06:30 PM

Didn't read all the previous posts.

You can only be friends with an ex if you're both willing to just be friends. You're not willing to do that, you want him back, so you need to walk away.

He wants a friend, you want more. You're not going to get him back by accepting his offer of friendship, because that's all he wants. He doesn't want you back! Do you get that? Do you accept that?

You broke up. Obviously he thinks of you as more of a friend than a girlfriend. What about that makes you think he'd want you back? He doesn't. You're really in your 20's? Girl, that's messed up! You sound like a child!

Bottom line, you want more than friendship, so you should walk away, because friendship is all he wants, and you'll end up making a fool of yourself.

Walk away now and find a guy that wants what you want. This guy doesn't want you the way you want him.

talaniman · Mar 20, 2015, 10:03 AM

How would you feel if he got in a relationship with someone else? Would you still want to be friends hoping he comes back to a relationship with you?

LDR's are hard to maintain, and no fun for REAL date, or bonding.

Jiser · Mar 23, 2015, 06:22 AM

I am only starting to be friends with one ex of 2 years ago now. Its taken me 2 years to be able to see this girl with no feeling.

I can talk to her about who's she been with no issues.

This is because I have been in another relationship and also had time to move on myself.

Of course it helps if you were maybe friends first but things will never be the same again.. As much as it hurts you need to go NC.