[Primo88]

This woman and I have started having some really strong feelings towards each other lately. Problem is, we are both married to each others best friends. It started two weeks ago when we were all hanging out at the dining room table having drinks. We started rubbing each others legs and turned into hands rubbing up and down each other and at some point when no one was looking we kissed and mumbled to each other that we wanted to have each other(not in those words).

I blew it off as we were drunk and she said she doesn't remember that night (Not specifically to our act but just the whole night) but this past weekend the same thing happened again and when me and her went for a smoke she confessed she remembers everything and even though she loves her husband of 20 years (and has been loyal in those 20 years) and is comfortable in her life right now, the thoughts of what we are doing is such a turn on for her and it feels good.

I love my wife too but my sex life is next to nothing so I know that our bad little secret is nothing more than lust. I need help as today while our loved ones are at work I am having thoughts of going over to her place and going deeper down the rabbit hole.

[Catsmine]

Is your integrity worth an orgasm?

You have 3 choices:

1) Cheat - Live with yourself until you destroy 2 families

2) Keep it in your pants - there's always Rosie Palm

3) Swing - Maybe your spouses are interesting to each other.

Before you make your choice, you might want to find out about the other 3 people's feelings.

[DoulaLC]

Use your brains and consider all that you would lose. Gather what integrity you have left and put a stop to this fantasy. Tell this woman that you are putting your family and the friendship of her husband ahead of some silly infatuation and then do not bring it up again. Certainly do not allow yourself to get swept up in it by being alone with her again... make it a point not to sit by her, etc. If she won't let it go, then you end the friendship. It really is that simple.

Next, speak to your wife about rebuilding the intimacy in your marriage. Consider counseling if need be. Is it possible that your wife is feeling the lack of intimacy as well? And not just sexual intimacy. For women especially feeling emotionally connected and cared for often are precursors to sexual intimacy. Have you asked her?

The grass may seem greener, but you will still have to mow it. So put your focus and efforts into your marriage and on your wife.

[talaniman]

While you are fantasizing, think of what you will tell your wife, and your best friend, when you cross the line of good behavior and act on your impulses. Worse, all the lies and excuses that will come with trying to keep bad behavior a secret. Hell you are already blaming your lack of sex at home, and being drunk, on your bad behavior already, and planning for worse.

Either stop your nonsense, change your behavior, or drown in the crap you are making for yourself, AND others. Either you care about your life and the people in it, or you don't so it's your decision. We as humans cannot control what we feel, but we can damn sure control how we deal with those feeling.

Get back on the side of good behavior you idiot!

[Cat1864]

If you are to the point of considering cheating then be honest with yourself about the rest of your marriage. Is the only problem in your marriage with your sex life or are there other problems such as communications, health, affection and/or intimacy, etc.?

What energy are you putting into working on your marriage? Do you know why your sex life is "next to nothing"? Have you tried talking to your wife about your sex life? If so, what does she think is wrong?

Do not put energy and effort into something you know is wrong. Keep the fantasy but do not act on it or discuss it with the friend.

[talaniman]

If you are to the point of considering cheating then be honest with yourself about the rest of your marriage. Is the only problem in your marriage with your sex life or are there other problems such as communications, health, affection and/or intimacy, etc.?

What energy are you putting into working on your marriage? Do you know why your sex life is "next to nothing"? Have you tried talking to your wife about your sex life? If so, what does she think is wrong?

Do not put energy and effort into something you know is wrong. Keep the fantasy but do not act on it or discuss it with the friend.

Not your best friend though, that's a whole different can of worm! ;O

[smoothy]

Get ready to hand half of everything you own to your soon to be ex wife... also plan on paying alimony AND child support. Get ready to give up significantly MORE than half of your paychecks if you have kids at home. She might even be spiteful enough to NOT ever get remarried so the checks keep coming until the day one of you dies BECAUSE of who the other woman is. Trust me there are plenty of them out there that would do exactly that. I know a few personally.

Losing you best friend is the least of the problems you will face. You will also probably discover the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. That new car smell and excitement wears off pretty quick after you've bought it. You will most likely be trading one set of gripes and problems for a different set that might even be worse.

[Alty]

Look at the big picture. Is scratching an itch worth all the damage it would do? What happens if you two get together and fulfill your physical desires? Sooner or later it will come out, you'll likely lose the wife you say you love, and she'll lose her husband. Are there kids involved too? All for what, relieving your sexual frustration?

It's much better to figure out what's going wrong in your marriage and get help to fix that. Counseling, sex therapy, whatever it takes for the woman you say you love. A hot piece of a$$ that turns you on for a few minutes, isn't worth losing everything you have now.

[Catsmine]

Primo, do you get the impression that most folks think indulging would not be a good move?

[Fr_Chuck]

The issue seems to be your sex life, why not forget a quick relief and why not start working on the problem. Marriage counseling, or some planning for sex. But often I find the words < drunk, been drinking, as the root of many bedroom issues

[Primo88]

I know it is not a good move but I need some hard advice and truthful insight on the matter like a coach to an ex drug addict. I will not act on this as everyone's statements (some harsh but fair) has given me some motivation to move away from this. Thank you everybody. This is obviously an issue with my wife that I need to talk to her about.

[smoothy]

If you think most married people don't get thoughts like this from time to time... you'd be wrong. But most of us manage to talk ourselves out of it before the line is crossed. Of those that didn't on a time or two... many ended up in bitter divorces... a precious few mange to work through it. However based on the women I have known in my life... they might not always bring it up and throw it in your face (you can count of some doing just that)... but for most its never far below the surface... and its never forgotten for any of them.

[spicywings]

Really? My God. Are you that arrogant to throw away vows, the home and family you've built and your security over a bit of flirtation and moments of loneliness? For The love of LOGIC, please collect whatever time you wanted to invest in your BEST FRIENDS WIFE and go invest it in your marriage. Good grief.

Wait, and to top it off... you are willing to throw away what you have BUILT... for a woman who would state this, "she loves her husband of 20 years (and has been loyal in those 20 years) and is comfortable in her life right now, the thoughts of what we are doing is such a turn on for her and it feels good." Wow... Sounds like both of you need a big dose of humble pie and may not even deserve the spouses you have.

Get some marriage counseling. I'm hoping this is just a temporary moment of insanity in an otherwise decent relationship.