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HG367 · Jan 10, 2015, 02:42 AM

Okay. This is a complicated one so hang on.. I used to talk to a girl who was everything to me. Flawless and in my eyes no matter what. We talked over text and Facebook for a while, and in my eyes I think we were really close, like we really had something. I never knew for sure though as we never talked about a relationship I wanted take things slow to avoid messing things up. Now, we spoke face to face maybe once or twice for various reasons, I tried to have talks with her alone outside of school but never spoke in school as I thought it would turn into drama when people saw me, a not so cool guy, and her, IMO the prettiest girl in the school. I'm sure others would agree. Often though she would decline my proposal to hangout out an talk as she always said she was cleaning house or what not. This is where I start to wonder if she really does like me or not. But that's not it.

So I would regularly watch her Facebook page because she told me before about he abusive boyfriends and people trying to manipulate her (she dated much older people and that was concerning too) and I wanted to be aware if that ever happened so I could essentially be her knight in shining armor and help her in that moment. We lived really close at the time so I could be there any second. Understandably she did not like my stalker attitude and thus we began talking less as she avoided me. This is not the only time I technically stalked her. Well talk more about that in a minute.

So, as I figured, people found out I liked her and we were talking and they started getting involved in trying to ruin things between us. Then one day somebody hinted to me that she might be pregnant and I was really concerned as we were only in 9th grade and I knew she didn't have a boyfriend and (with the track record of guys she's been with) that she would probably be tackling this all on her own. I was really worried for her and I wanted to know if it was true. So I asked a good friend of mine who doesn't happen to be the smartest with words, if he could go try to figure out the answer discreetly without making a big deal out of it. He did not get the memo I guess because he went up to her and basically said I think she's pregnant. Even though I did, I hadn't concluded that as I was trying to get the answer, not spread a rumor. She told him no but I thought she was really hiding the truth to avoid being made fun of. So after nearly being banished from speaking to her forever, I went home and tried to talk it out with another friend on the phone. I explained to him how concerned I was and that I wanted to know if it was true. Was she really pregnant. So him being a stupid a-hole called her up and essentially said the same thing my first friend said. She got mad and called me in a angry phone call telling me I'm an *** for spreading this rumor about her and that "maybe she was getting a little fat but I didn't have to go talking crap about her because of it". And everything went downhill from there. She told me to never speak to her again and that she was done knowing me.
I was hurt but I respected her wishes to leave her alone and haven't tried to talk to her since. It's been almost 4 years now.

Well about 2 years ago her brother died in a terrible accident when he was hit by a semi. I knew him slightly and would consider us friends. When he died she still had a boyfriend of a year of so and so I figured it wasn't my place to talk to her. Despite the circumstances I never tried to talk to her other than a small word of "I'm sorry for your loss." Nothing more. I've always wished her a happy birthday and a simple happy holidays, etc, (and she would always respond politely) but I never tried to spark up a conversation again as I just don't know how anymore. I'm not even sure if she would want to talk to me anymore. That's why I'm here. Oh, and on the earlier note and continuing to stalk her. I followed her on twitter after her brothers death as I wanted to know how she was doing and be aware if she ever felt suicidal or what not so I could help her. Other than that I leave her alone. She's been single for a while now and quite honestly talks a lot about being depressed and all on her twitter. I want to be the one to help her threw these times and hopefully develop a serious relationship with her. It's honestly all I want but I feel like in her eyes I'm not much of anything anymore.

We are nearing graduation and who knows where she'll take off to after that, I don't want to lose her as she's everything to me but I'm so at a loss for words when it comes to talking to her. I just don't know what to do... Please help.

J_9 · Jan 10, 2015, 03:03 AM

You leave her alone and move on with your life without her. She has made it abundantly clear she does not want a relationship with you.

If she is truly depressed you can't fix her. She will need more help than you are capable of giving her.

tickle · Jan 10, 2015, 03:25 AM

She sure spills the beans about her personal life on social media; you know everything about her except who let the cat in. This is one troubled lady and quite frankly whoever gets involved with her is going to have a handful of trouble.

HG367 · Jan 10, 2015, 04:00 AM

No no no.. It's not like that. I know these things because we talked for a few years before everything became a mess. I'm 99% sure she wanted a relationship early on but I never made the move. That's when she started to look for other guys. I'm obviously not experienced with girls but I'm learning. And I have no idea what let the cat in means. Please clarify. And believe me, I have no problem with trouble, that would be the title to my life story if I wrote one. That's why I want to reconnect with her. I'm not worried about the struggles we may deal with. She's not the easy girl, she didn't even have sex until her ex boyfriend pushed her into it after her brother died. Taking advantage of her confused feelings at the time. She's been through a lot in her short life and doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is. People are always trying to take advantage of her because she's such a nice girl and that's how the world treats nice people. It's a shame and kills me to see her like that. Believe me, she's worth anything

HG367 · Jan 10, 2015, 04:10 AM

Initially, before I knew a thing about women I believed she really felt that way. But as I look back now, I think I really hurt her, but I don't think she really meant for me to leave her alone. You know how when women say they hate when you something dumb but they really mean they love you and they can't believe you would hurt them like that. Maybe I'm just dumb but its just feels like a huge misunderstanding between us that she wanted me to fix but I didn't.

Jake2008 · Jan 10, 2015, 09:14 AM

Allow me to say, you are a little thick.

Nothing happened then, nothing happened after that, and nothing will ever happen again. You can't fix something that never was.

Appreciate that she has managed to live her life without your interference by way of stalking, gossiping, etc. She has moved on, survived the pitfalls of life, very well without you. Not once has she ever reached out to you.

You are stuck in a dangerous place where you put far more value on what 'could have' happened over the years. Your thinking that somehow she is your soul mate and you are her savior, is unrealistic, and dangerous. To say the least, it prevents you from moving on.

From a woman's perspective, it is scary and depressing to think that a person you never had a relationship with, still stalks you, over four years now. People like you are unpredictable, and usually in stealth mode. Just when a woman thinks you're finally going to leave her alone, there you are stalking her on social media.

Let her go. Let the non-relationship go. Let a future with her go. Stop re-living something that never was, and never will be. If you cannot do this, you have a serious problem that should be resolved through therapy before you do something you will regret- if you haven't already.

talaniman · Jan 10, 2015, 09:30 AM

Harshness Warning

Stop stalking this person and practice your lagging social skills on someone else. She has already rejected you thoroughly and its YOU who didn't get the memo.

Look in the mirror, and see the psychopath you have become. Its up to you if you want to be better, or just STUCK ON STUPID!

This doesn't end well unless you wake up and get your crap together.

tickle · Jan 10, 2015, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by HG367

No no no.. It's not like that. I know these things because we talked for a few years before everything became a mess. I'm 99% sure she wanted a relationship early on but I never made the move. That's when she started to look for other guys. I'm obviously not experienced with girls but I'm learning. And I have no idea what let the cat in means. Please clarify. And believe me, I have no problem with trouble, that would be the title to my life story if I wrote one. That's why I want to reconnect with her. I'm not worried about the struggles we may deal with. She's not the easy girl, she didn't even have sex until her ex boyfriend pushed her into it after her brother died. Taking advantage of her confused feelings at the time. She's been through a lot in her short life and doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is. People are always trying to take advantage of her because she's such a nice girl and that's how the world treats nice people. It's a shame and kills me to see her like that. Believe me, she's worth anything

No, the world doesn't treat nice people by taking advantage of them. She appears to be a victim in life and that is the way she is perceived; her demeanor, the way she looks, the way she sounds, what she talks about.

You don't haver a sense of humour if you don't know 'who let the cat in' means. You are over-thinking that one. It meas exactly the way I stated it... you know everything about her except... who let the cat in. Meaning, you know everything about her except a trivial thing like who let the cat in.

DoulaLC · Jan 10, 2015, 10:26 AM

I think she would be very creeped out if she was aware of how you have been following her on social media and pining away for her all of this time. You seem to assume a great deal just from having talked to her about 4 year's ago and keeping track of what she writes on twitter. You know that her boyfriend pushed her into having sex; taking advantage of her confused feelings after her brother's death? Checking to make sure she doesn't have suicidal thoughts? Being ready to jump in and help her when you haven't even had a conversation in years?

If she were interested, you would know it, but due to her lack of contacting you, and only offering polite acknowledgment of your birthday wishes and such, it doesn't appear that she is.

Have you spoken to any other girls in the last several years? Dated anyone? Hang out with friends?

Think about this very carefully and consider what it says about your situation: How can she be everything to you when you have never dated, when she doesn't even talk to you, or when you haven't really spoken in 4 years?

It sounds as though you have spent the last number of years pining away for someone who just isn't the one for you. You would be far better off thinking of her as a girl you really liked years ago and moving into the present time. How can you better yourself so that you are ready for a relationship when you meet someone new... and you will at some point, but you will miss it entirely if you don't let go of the past.

HG367 · Jan 10, 2015, 10:23 PM

I guess you guys are right. This going to be a tough one. Yes I've met other people and gotten to know plenty of other women but none of them had that "glow" that she does. But before I kiss this all goodbye let me add this. Nowadays so it seems, a lot of girls I know refuse to be the one to contact you first. I don't know why, it's childish, but its very common with everyone I've met except one or two people. And they are people I'd never date (a lot older). She was this way too, and I don't believe that's changed. I realize the stalking is creepy.. But it was never with bad intentions. But maybe you guys are right, it's time to close this book and write a new one. That should be a fun road to travel.

odinn7 · Jan 11, 2015, 04:38 PM

I had to read this twice...it's really crazy if you ask me. I am glad that in your last post here that you now claim that you will let this all go...but I just can't believe that you will do so easily.

Keep this in mind...you never had anything with her. You stalked her and she didn't like it. You did it anyway (to supposedly watch out for her). She didn't need or want you looking out for her. You upset her with the pregnancy rumors. Everything you did was wrong in this case. Let her go before you wind up getting to the point where she gets you on charges of stalking. Learn from this and don't do this with anyone else. If they say no and they don't want anything to do with you, don't convince yourself that they don't really mean no. Move on.