[96xj]

I've been seeing a guy for three months now. I'm 21 and he's 27. I'm not sure if it's the age difference but having trouble with making things more serious with him. I'm currently going through a divorce and he's aware of the situation so I'm not sure if that's what's keeping him away either. We go on dates, we go hiking, we have sex, we talk throughout the week and do things that seem couple like. The only problem is I want there to be an official title with us. I'm not sure how to bring this up to him without feeling like I'm going to turn him off and smother him. Like I said I'm not sure if it's the age difference or if maybe he really doesn't want anything serious but I can't continue to do things like this anymore. I'm at a point where I need to let him go or move things forward. How do I tell him this? Or is there no way to tell him this without making him feel smothered? I've contemplated not talking to him for a little bit and seeing what happens. Like seeing if he carries on by not contacting me or gets the hint and makes things official. I need help on how to talk to him without killing my chances with him.

[J_9]

You've only known him for three months, AND your divorce isn't even final yet. Why are you trying to rush things? Take it slow, get to know him, and most importantly have fun. It's too early in the relationship for titles. Heck, in August you were sad that your husband was gone.

Don't make this a rebound relationship. At this stage there should be no titles and no expectations. You are still getting to know each other.

[Jake2008]

Just what do you mean by 'official' in regard to your relationship with your boyfriend.

I would think that most people would consider your goal of having something 'official' with him, a bit off, considering that you have only known him a very short while, and you are not yet divorced!

He may not even be considering anything at all at this point. Mainly because you are just getting to know each other, but also because he could be concerned that you're jumping from the fire into the frying pan, by wanting a serious relationship before you are free to do so. It would be reasonable to assume he would be uncomfortable with any demands you make. And it has nothing to do with his age.

Once your divorce is final, and enough time has passed for you to completely recover from that, then and only then, are you free to have another serious relationship. I'd say you're lucky that he is willing to have any relationship with you, considering that you are not yet divorced.

To try to force the issue, i.e. not talking to him to see if he will suddenly miss you so much that he'll make it 'official'. That really does show that you are into territory you have no business being in, by forcing any issue of an 'official' relationship.

I don't know if there are children involved, and if there aren't, I hope you won't take your goal of something far more serious with him, than he has already told you he doesn't want, and get pregnant as a way to keep him.

[Fr_Chuck]

First it is only 3 months, why does their have to be titles, sounds like something you feel like posting on Facebook, (in relationship)
Yours would be "complicated" since you are still married.

First, there is not much of a relationship, if you can not talk to him and just ask him, where it is going,

You may be a booty call, or he may be waiting till you are divorced, only way is to talk about it,

[talaniman]

Ask yourself WHY you need a title after only 3 months of dating, and is it really fair to you or this guy to even be thinking of making such a commitment? A guy would be foolish for making a commitment to a female who is married, yet waiting on a divorce.

You want a title? How about hang out buddies? Sex buddies? That's all you are and its foolish after just 3 months to even think it could be more than that. For sure your sex buddy is just a rebound as it is. Just an easy feel good to relieve the pressure of being alone, AND lonely right?

If you cannot date casually, and have fun (and sex), then you aren't ready for either one. You are just trying to replace what you had, but don't have any longer. Seldom does that work for long, or lead to anything better than the disaster you are escaping from.

Until YOU know, and can face the truth about YOURSELF, then I doubt if you can ever express where you are mentally, spiritually, emotionally or even physically to another. No doubt he enjoys the casual benefits of dating, free, easy, and simple. Now you want to complicate it with a title?

WHY the hurry so soon? Maybe its way too soon to be moving forward. Just wait until YOU figure it out what's best for YOU to do.

[96xj]

Thank you all for the replies! It really helps shine some light on the situation. I think I understand now that maybe I am just trying to fill a void with him and maybe I'm not completely over my ex husband like I thought I was.

[dontknownuthin]

You have an official title... married woman. This guy would be foolish to rush into commitment with someone who is still married, or even after you are divorced for a good year.

[mmresd]

Just enjoy the dating for what it is and don't move so quickly. Divorcing at age 21 should tell you one thing if anything, you need to learn to slow down. Chill, relax, breath, and just follow the flow, sometimes when you rush things, you can ruin someone that had potential to be good, don't make the same mistake again.