[UCLA_1]

Talaniman, I appreciate your feedback and constructive criticism. Admittedly, of course I'm intimidated. I couldn't (and still can't) make sense of having a weird interaction with someone after having had pleasant interactions shortly before. At first I wrote it of thinking he probably had a bad day; however, the fact that he just stopped showing up in the same vicinity raised my sense of awareness and concern. So that's why I avoided him last time, simply because I didn't know how his feelings were. His odd demeanor, why he changed spots and why he avoided me are confusing. Coupled with my past (bad) experiences, that is why I feel disappointed.

It sucks having had bad experiences before. I know I'm not the only one out there and I shouldn't feel bad for myself, but for first time in a few years, I thought I actually liked someone again. I'm good with focusing on myself and not being a serial dater, but it's just difficult for me to open up with a guy and actually connect/like him. I actually got excited a bit but now it's been squashed (or at least feels that way).

I don't know when/if I'll see him again considering our library is huge and the chance that I'll see him again is slim. But if I do, of course I'll go over and say hi.

[UCLA_1]

Ok, so for the past two semesters, there has been nothing but a cat-and-mouse pursuit. We'd end up running into one another on campus, agree to meet up, end up talking for hours to repeat the cycle all over again. The chemistry and attraction felt right, but he'd NEVER ask me for my number. I found it pretty odd; but I figured that he's graduating and leaving in the summer anyway and he perhaps doesn't want to get too involved. However, it never made sense why he would get nervous and choked up around me, ask me to study with him which would turn into a full-fledged four hour conversation all the time instead, compliment me repeatedly, etc. It never felt platonic, yet he never asked me for my number (plus I'm traditional and prefer for the guy to ask if he TRULY is interested). There were times where he'd ask me to meet up in which I would agree; yet things would come up and I wouldn't be able to show up. Considering I had NO WAY to contact him, he would end up disappearing afterwards (I guess he'd feel rejected) for weeks, and pull the same move on me the following time we'd make plans to see each other. Then it would get squashed and we'd pick back up where we left off. I know, very mature of both of us.

Anways, two weeks ago, I ran into him as he was going home. He asked me to go to his place which I found to be odd considering he never even asked me for my number yet. But I agreed and walked him home. When I got to his place, he made it pretty obvious that he wanted me to make a move on him physically in which I held myself back and did not. We had a great time (like we always do), and he proceeded to tell me how hilarious and what a stress-reliever I am. He also told me that he wasn't an open book and that he's going through a rough time considering that grad school for this fall wasn't going to work for him and he is unsure about whether he can study abroad this upcoming summer. I was considerate, but I felt the urge to ask him if there was more... so I asked him straight up if he had a girlfriend. He got nervous but admitted that he was "talking to someone" out of state and that he wouldn't want to "do anything behind her back" because he wouldn't want her to do the same to him. Funny because two minutes prior, we could've easily hooked up and I highly doubt she would be OK with our "friendship." Even better, why hide the fact that you have a girlfriend (although he claims she's someone that he may start a relationship with which is bs) for the past eight months that I've known you? He also claimed that he "never lied to me" but I feel so led on. At this point I got awkwardly silent because I felt so stupid and caught off guard. He kept calling me awkward and urged me to tell him what was going through my mind but I kept silent (stupid I know). Like he wanted me to admit that I liked him or something but my pride got in the way. Well, I said goodbye eventually and after seeing him on campus two days later, he avoided me completely.

What sucks is that the semester is over and I have no way of seeing him anymore. I wish I could've been more of an adult before and communicated. I just feel stupid and foolish; like maybe this was all in my head-although I know the difference between an acquaintance/friend and someone interested (or so I think). I'm contemplating looking up his email through our University's directory online and writing him a quick email, but I don't know what to say or if it's even worth it? It just sucks for it to end so abruptly with no farewell. From a guy's perspective, what's going through his mind?

[Jake2008]

Well, you know now what the cat and mouse game was all about, and not getting his phone number. I agree too that I think he wanted a quick booty call from you before he left, and I'm very happy you didn't fall for that. Instinct told you there was something 'off' about him, and you were able to prove yourself right.

That in the entire time you knew him, he did not mention a girlfriend, which is suspicious. Because had he mentioned that, you would have appreciated the honesty and integrity, and likely would have stayed friends. Up to that point, had he mentioned his girlfriend, you would have known where you stood, and easily have accepted friendship.

The information would have saved you a lot of uneasiness, but, you now know.

Not sure if I would contact him or not, because he is otherwise in a relationship. I assume that he can contact you if he wishes to, through the same source, so why not just let it go.

If, after not seeing you, he decides he's made a mistake in letting you go, and contacts you- then he's fair game. But, until that happens, he's off limits.

[tickle]

He kept calling you 'awkard', really. He was insulting you. Why are you even Comtemplating this??

Just chalk this up to experience and your own niatevity and move on from it. This whole episode meant nothing. He was just relieving boredom and playing with you.

[UCLA_1]

What do you mean he was insulting me by calling me awkward? Or do you mean this whole thing was insulting to me?

[tickle]

What do you mean he was insulting me by calling me awkward? Or do you mean this whole thing was insulting to me?

If someone called me awkward, I would take exception to that. Would you not ? After all is that not embarrassing to know that someone finds you lacking in social graces ?

[UCLA_1]

I see what you mean but I'm not offended by that statement to be honest. I was being awkward by being quiet. The only thing that I said was "now this whole thing makes sense." He kept urging me to explain and to tell him how I felt to which I responded "I know where you want me to go and I'm not going there." If he finds me to be awkward (and arguably prudish for not even kissing him), well it's better than having no integrity. But I guess what I want to really know is why avoid me? Is it because I didn't sleep with him, because he feels rejected or is he embarrassed?

[smoothy]

If anyone talked to me or treated me like that ( calling me awkward, its simply not something you say directly to someone if there was any feelings there other than family or good friends)... I'd go out of my way to avoid them... I wouldn't care about what their reasons might be. And well... for not kissing him (something that's really NOT a seriously intimate gesture and I'm talking a kiss without tonsil tickling action)) that indicated you really weren't into him (sleeping with him really would be on a totally different level and you were under no obligation to do), so he decided it's a lost cause and moved on...

He probably did have an interest at first... but eventually lost it. Speaking from a guys perspective... I've actually had several cases when I expressed an interest in a female who didn't reciprocate at the moment... SO I moved on... they later decided they really, REALLY did want something but by them the moment was past for me... and I didn't share it. It's a rather awkward position to be in... and honestly avoiding them is easier than facing them and being put on the spot, which they would find embarrassing as I no longer had any special feelings towards them.

[talaniman]

Ok, so for the past two semesters, there has been nothing but a cat-and-mouse pursuit. We'd end up running into one another on campus, agree to meet up, end up talking for hours to repeat the cycle all over again. The chemistry and attraction felt right, but he'd NEVER ask me for my number.

You knew early enough it was just a game yet you played anyway. Sure be disappointed, but keep it real because in simple terms it just didn't workout right for either of you. Bad timing? It happens, but you never know about what the future holds, but for now the next adventure awaits. Sometimes all you get is conversation, and intrigue, and a thrill, and he could have lied and smoozed you up a long time ago right? He didn't. That's something right?

Game over. He didn't get free sex, or a kiss, and you didn't get a boyfriend. You both shared time, and company though, and that's better than most people have from random encounters. Heck, it was interesting for a few semesters and obviously you both had nothing better going on. A rather amusing distraction to spice things up for a while.

Could have been better, could have been worse. Call it a draw!

[UCLA_1]

Well, I think my silence after finding out that he had a girlfriend let him know how I felt about him. It says a lot, don't you think? But he is a VERY ATTRACTIVE man and I know 100% of women in my place would have pounced on him. I just didn't because I don't want to be hurt. Maybe to him it's deemed as rejection? I hate to "dwell" over this, but it just ended so abruptly and I can't help but feel a bit played/led on. I am moving on obviously but I'm trying to fill in the gaps so that I don't make this mistake next time around. So...was he just testing the waters to see how far he could get with me or was there a genuine interest?

[talaniman]

Stop trying to get in his mind and know what he is feeling, or his motives, and agenda. He could have easily been a passive guy that just wanted conversation and the rest is the games your own mind played. You wanted him to chase you and he didn't, and while you made yourself available you were as close to the vest as he was.

Let it all go now, because it went nowhere. You keep asking questions only he can answer, and now it's way too late to even ask, so don't speculate. As you said, you were more interested in not getting hurt, than getting answers.

[smoothy]

You blew your chance with him before when you had one (and it was never a sure thing anyway, nothing ever is)... its obvious he moved on... you should to.