[ScottGem]

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

We know all this because we are knowledgeable, experienced people who have dealt with these types of situations before. In this specific instance j_9 is an OB Nurse, so knows a lot about teenage pregnancies. Others of us have experience with legal issues and family issues.

Your mom does not have a legal choice here. Your parents are responsible for you until you reach 18. If they throw you out, they are still legally responsible for you and the law will force them to financially support you (though not necessarily their grandchild).

As for the boyfriend, he raped you. It doesn't matter whether you agreed to it or not. You are underage and legally cannot consent to sex. Depending on where you live he could be charged as a sex offender.

What I would do, is go to school tomorrow and talk to a school counselor. They can go over your options and provide info on where you can stay in the interim and other info. Frankly, I think it's a mistake to want to keep the child, you don't seem to have the resources to care for it. And you ned people to explain the facts to you.

I'm really sorry, you got put into this position and we will try to help as much as we can, but you need to speak to your local Family Services agency as soon as possible. And you need to be under a physician's care immediately.

[musiclover217]

My mom said I either get an abortion and stay or keep the baby a move out. and getting an abortion is out of the question. To scottgem: i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone. i know what that feels like.

[talaniman]

If you finally told your mom(?), that's really great. Now you need to talk to a physician. Both you and your mom and soon. VERY soon. You have to work through this one step at a time.

[musiclover217]

Why do I need to see a physician

[joypulv]

Your mother is... not exactly what I would hope for you as a mother (the kindest thing I can say about her at the moment). Of course she is upset so she may be kinder when she calms down. You, at 13, are still very much a reflection of her parenting and her in general. Just the fact that you were so naive about pregnancy - did she think school was going to think of everything to warn you about?
SHE needs to get to work helping you work all this out, not deliver ultimatums to you.
I do understand that 3 months is pretty far along and that abortion gets harder to think about the bigger the fetus is. But you dismiss adoption as being something lacking in love, when it's just the opposite. Parents have to go through tons of screening to see if they are a good fit, not just able to support a child, which costs more than you can possibly imagine at 13. Then there's the emotional drain on YOU trying to change diapers and stay up with a crying baby while your friends are out having fun. A baby shouldn't be just someone who will love you when you didn't get much love in your own life - a baby is a needy, needy, demanding helpless little pest half the time, not an adoring unconditional loving little puppy looking up at you.



PLEASE consider adoption. There are different kinds.

You need to see a doctor to get all sorts of prenatal care and to see how healthy you are. Vitamins, etc. The baby gets all the nutrients from what you eat first and you get what's left, and you need to learn all that so that you aren't toothless and brittle boned and wrinkled and sagging by the time you're 40. And you want a healthy baby too of course.

[Homegirl 50]

You need prenatal care, The baby's health and growth need to be monitored, your health needs to be monitored. And what about when it's time to deliver. Did you think you can do this by yourself?

[smoothy]

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

As the opthers posts have said... quite well, we are all older adults in my case I'm 53, you learn many, many things as you get older, in fact life is a never ending learning experience.

#1. He's 14, he doesn't know much of anything to begin with, and he either is utterly clueless (a strong possibility) or he knew very little to begin with and lied through his teeth to get what he wanted (an absolute certainty) which was in your pants.

They always say oh, yeah... I'll help, or no need to go to court..trust me, I'll do what I can, Sometimes they do, for a little while., until they get tired of handing over a huge chunck of their paycheck... (the ones actually old enough to get a real job). And they will be handing over roughly about half of their paycheck for the next 18 - 21 years, might even be on the hook for college expenses in some states. Verbal agreements can't be enforced..thats why you have the court do it. He'll pay, if he wants to or not.

You really, are better off putting it up for adoption. People that adopt babies generally are unable to have one of their own... and they would raise it as one of their own, in many cases they would never even know they were adopted. Its NOT the same as fostercare. The child WILL be loved by the adoptive parents.

If you don't at least finish high school, something you will unlikely be able to do raising a child at 13. You will be committing yourself to a life of poverty.

[joypulv]

Also tell us what state you live in (if the US) so we can look up the law regarding your boyfriend.

[musiclover217]

Albemarle, North Carolina

[musiclover217]

To joypulv; my mom is not a kind person. She beat for every little thing. That was before I was pregnant

[joypulv]

I sort of figured that from the way she reacted to this.
She may be talking to people right now, and getting all sorts of advice.
North Carolina does have a 'close in age exception' (Romeo and Juliet law) that protects your boyfriend from serious charges of statutory rape. It doesn't matter how willing you were to have sex, because no state in the US allows for a 13 year old to have the maturity to consent to sex. The 'age of consent' in NC is 16.
If he were 17 (4 years to the day older than you) while you were 13, he'd be in jail as soon as your mother called the police.
You do need to know the law about that, and you do need to know that your mother can't kick you out.
NOW how are we going to get her to take you to a doctor? Can you talk to the school nurse tomorrow? (Why aren't you in school right now, or are you?)

[musiclover217]

I got sick and left early

[joypulv]

Please go talk to the school nurse tomorrow? It's her job to be helpful. She can connect you with a social worker and a clinic, and even talk to your mother. I'm sure she's done it more than a few times before.

Pregnancy hormones and stress and who knows what else? I'm so sorry.
Oh - and an idiot for a boyfriend. GRRR!
He needs to know but don't tell him alone.
You need help with that too. This is serious.

[ScottGem]

i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone.

So instead you want the child to suffer because you can't provide for him/her? In my opinion, giving a child up for adoption is one of the greatest expressions of love and self sacrifice one can make. We have a member here who gave a child up for adoption. I'm going to ask her to comment on this thread.

Why do I need to see a physician

This is just an example of why you can't care for a child. You are clueless. Even a mature woman needs to be under a physician's care once they get pregnant. The child and you need to be monitored throughout your pregnancy. Especially at your age, because your body is not fully developed and pregnancy can be a danger to you.

Again, I really need to emphasize that you need to speak to someone of authority. Someone who can run interference between you and your mother and explain to her she can't kick you out. That she is still responsible for you. You need someone who can explain to you what options you have and that adoption can be a viable option. You may even be able to arrange an open adoption where you can still be a part of your child's life.

Please do get help not just for your sake but for the child's.

[J_9]

You need to see a doctor/physician to make sure you and baby are healthy. If you are past 12 weeks pregnant you cannot have an abortion. No matter what your mother says, it is against the law unless medically necessary.

At 13 years old you risk gestational diabetes, which may or not be permanent. If it is, there is the distinct possibility of giving yourself shots in the stomach several times a day. You also risk having preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure due to pregnancy. This could cause you to have seizures. Also, with your young age, there is a chance this baby could have Down's Syndrome.

Your body is not done growing and it doesn't have the resources to grown a baby. All of your body's energy will be to help you grow, not the baby.

Oh, the father will not be with you forever. As a matter of fact, if he stays with you during the pregnancy you will be lucky.

[musiclover217]

I'm sorry what down syndrome. And why did say if he stays during the pregnancy I'm lucky

[joypulv]

Downs Syndrome = mental retardation.
Teenage boys usually split when they find out a girl is pregnant.
With DNA testing these days to determine the father of a baby, men can be held financially responsible for at least 18 years. (I happen to remember that it's impossible to think that far ahead at your age.)
We are trying to let you know how SERIOUS this is: your health, the baby's health, your future, the baby's future, the father's future.
Your mother isn't stepping in to help you, at least not today, when she's still in shock and angry.
Somehow you have to figure out a way to get along with her for the rest of the pregnancy.
PLEASE tell her that you want to find out about adoption!!
PLEASE!
She may actually try to help you.
If she won't, please tell us she won't.
And do talk to the school nurse tomorrow. Not the next day, tomorrow.

[musiclover217]

She's not going to help me she made that pretty clear

[talaniman]

No problem, go to the school nurse as was suggested. That's kind of sad, but no excuse to do nothing. You MUST have help with this.

[musiclover217]

I will