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lovelysugar · Sep 2, 2014, 04:58 PM

I’ve met this guy through a dating app. At first, I wasn’t very sure about him because come on, it’s an app. After speaking with each other through text messaging and talking on the phone we decided to go on our first date. It went really well and we made out but we didn’t have sex. I thought he was attractive and funny and he finds me the same. After that, we kept on talking and met up for our 2nd date. It went well too. He shows that he really likes me and would make an effort to come and see me. It does take him 45 minutes to commute to find me. He shows that he does want to have some sort of relationship with me. The good thing is he’s not looking for a hookup but a relationship. I find him perfect if everything I see is really true and he meant it. However, recently, we made plans to meet up after work and we even said the location and he bailed. He said it was raining and just didn’t want to go out since he had no clean clothes to wear. I think his excuse was rubbish and ridiculous. I was really mad and I had a little argument with him. He then said the meet up was never official but he does want to see me. It just makes no sense to me. I was even more mad. I took a deep breathe, ignored him for couple of hours and then texted him back saying I overreacted. I failed to control myself.
Why did he bail to see me if he’s showing strong interest? Is there someone else that he’s possibly talking to? Is he playing some sort of mind game?
I want to step away from this guy before I get hurt.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 2, 2014, 05:19 PM

How long have you been communicating with him? Do yo really know him? If you want to back out do it. There's nothing that says you have to stay with him.

Alty · Sep 2, 2014, 06:07 PM

Only he knows why he bailed, and frankly, it could be because it was raining, he had no clean clothes, didn't feel like going out that day. In other words, he was possibly honest with you, and like you yourself stated, you overreacted.

Have you ever made plans days ahead of time, and when the day came, you just didn't feel like going? If not, you've lived in a box. We've all been there.

Frankly, if I were him, and saw this post, I'd run. You seem to be a lot of work to date, no room for him to mess up, or change his mind about something, not even once. Either make you happy all the time, or you start doubting, and start fighting. Too much drama, and I'm female!

I say step away from him. You're too much work! Let him meet someone that just wants to date, have fun, and doesn't question or fight about every little thing he does. You're just way too much drama!

odinn7 · Sep 2, 2014, 07:59 PM

LOL! How are we supposed to know why he cancelled and is there someone else or if he's playing mind games? Look, you've got 2 dates into this. If you doubt him already, then cut your losses and be done with it.

talaniman · Sep 3, 2014, 06:14 AM

Little bit too much drama after a couple of dates, and worse you seem to have some very high expectations for this stranger after two dates, and don't handle your disappointments well. That's a red flag to any fellow that having fun getting to know you (the whole purpose of dating) will be quite difficult. He may be real and honest, but expecting some kind of exclusive commitment after a few dates is unrealistic anyway.

You are probably better off leaving him alone, and dealing with your own issues, as you may not be ready for adult dating yet. With him anyway, but time is what will tell if this can be worked through or not, but it depends, it seems, on how you handle yourself, and whether you can be cool, calm, and collected and in control of yourself, instead of impulsive and suspicious,and out of control.

It's not his fault you are afraid to be hurt, or have built some unreasonable expectations for this stranger, or over react to disappointment, or fail to adjust to unexpected changes that reality throws your way.

If you can't enjoy it for what it is, then just don't do it. Dating is a process, not an event.

Why take the fun out of getting to know someone? That's the whole purpose of dating. If it's no fun, then there is no purpose.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 3, 2014, 06:25 AM

Great, you did not have sex on the first date, why should that have even been a option or considered?

Next everything going great,

It was raining, ( does he drive, or have to take buses and other public transit)

If the weather was bad, yes, people cancel dates.

You went off on him, because he canceled a date, wow a real drama queen. You feel bad and wait to see if he does the next one.

If he is still talking to you, now, you would be lucky. You need to learn to keep things in perspective.

joypulv · Sep 3, 2014, 06:33 AM

Holy cow, you ruined what sounds like a good thing. Poor guy. 45 minutes to get to you, after a long day at work, who CARES what his reason was? You've never made a polite excuse for not doing something? I'll give you my house and bank account if you can prove that you never have.

Of course none of this is what matters. What matters is that you DO NOT go any further into a relationship without learning a lot more about the person. Start finding out his history, where he works, if he really works there, where he lives, and go see it on a Saturday afternoon for 2 minutes, where he grew up, where his family is... heck, if it gets serious, I might even hire a PI. Interacting with totally new people is a delicate balancing act between openness and trust, and being very careful and cautious.

smoothy · Sep 3, 2014, 06:50 AM

Good lord... like the others said... drama queen. Two dates and you act like you are OWED things only a wife might be owed... sorry... 2 dates barely even qualifies as dating, certainly doesn't qualify as engaged and clearly isn't the same as married.

Now that you probibly are spitting fire, smoke is coming out of your ears... and your head is spinning on your shoulders... take a step back and see it for what it is... what if it was HIM getting bent out of shape because you couldn't make a third date for any number of reasons (real or fabricated)... but you still liked the guy... and wanted to still go on a third... but he went all apesh*t over the cancellation... and it got back to you. Would you still be so enthusiastic about a third date?