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tommy36062 · Sep 1, 2014, 04:50 PM

Hi guys so I've fallen into the situation where I have a crush on my best friend ( I have mentioned her in a previous question, the fight and no talking one ) and I know this isn't major or important too you the reader, but I would appreciate some advice. I know her type; and I can confirm I am pretty far from her perfect ideal. Each time I'm around her my mind goes blank and I just stare like an idiot. I can talk too her just not effectively, she has had some relationships which didn't end well and none of them were her fault. I feel very passionately that I could be her one but I also feel that her interests not found in me. And fact agrees with that, I guess I sort of idolize her yes, but I still love her. I am also terrified I'll ruin our entire relationship asking her out if she says no. Any help guys?

joypulv · Sep 1, 2014, 05:01 PM

I'm confused - this is the same girl you wrote about exactly a year ago?
And how can you be best friends if all you do is stare?

We advised you then to force yourself to remain just friends, and if you can't, you get lost. The pain will be much shorter, even if more intense at first.

You were 14 then, so 15 now... still too young to be pining for a girl instead of hanging out in groups. That's how you learn to be involved more closely with someone in a few more years. It's hard, very hard, very very hard, so PLEASE spend less time with her!

As for asking a girl out, WHY do young people make such a big deal about it? You don't ask her out on a date. You are asking her to do things together in a casual way all the time, walk down the street, get an ice cream, study together - THOSE are 'pre-dates' and then the actual date is so easy you won't even notice.

tommy36062 · Sep 1, 2014, 05:06 PM

Sorry yes my apologies I should have made it more clear, I don't ALWAYS just stare, I can talk with her, it I struggle at times and I understand your point about learning how to be attached too people. But that ship has long since sailed, I don't seek any form of sexual relationship might I add for everyone, only a romantic one. Way too young to Olay that game

joypulv · Sep 1, 2014, 05:16 PM

It all boils down to this: You have 2 choices. One is to continue your suffering by being around her and the other is to break it off, telling her kindly that you are in love with her and can't be around her any more. If she pleads with you to stay as 'just friends,' then she is heartless and cares only about herself. (Happens all the time.)

I answered your question about a date. It's such a non-problem. It isn't YOUR problem. She isn't interested in you romantically, or at least she wasn't. She might decide that she will like you a little more, but it will be settling, and it won't last long at your ages.

Your problem is learning how to stop idolizing her. Try joking. Joke about how you are there for her when all the jerks are gone. Ask her each time you see her, with a big smile, if you have a chance, if you ever will. But if all you do is stare and act morose, it's hopeless. Can you try?

tommy36062 · Sep 1, 2014, 05:24 PM

This does make sense and I agree with what you're saying so thank you I can try, we are close because we both have a lot of personal history and both used to suffer from mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, etc. Not the problem Here though, now we don't see each other often if at all as we go to different schools and mostly socialise on social media. However after she 're joined our athletics club and I went round hers for a day ( nothing happened at all ) I began to realise my fascination with her was more then I first thought.
The fact that I can't idolize her is true definitely and I will try not too, she is a major figure in my life but I'm sure I can do this, it is after all for the best

Rabbit anne · Sep 1, 2014, 06:02 PM

I think you have two choice. First, you keep the love in your mind and don't tell her if you think it will ruin your relationship when asking her out. Second, you don't think about too much and tell her you love her. You two are best friend and if she says no, you have tried and will not regret. But if she says yes, you get want you want.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 2, 2014, 12:22 AM

You can not make someone like you, and can not make someone have feelings for you.

One person, liking one, but no feelings being returned, really sucks and is hard.

All you can do, is just try and be friends.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2014, 05:01 AM

You make this such a big deal when its so simple. Get a life that you enjoy without her, so you can enjoy the time you share and not get so carried away by your very human feelings of attraction.

You make her a bigger part of your life than is practical. Hangout as friends and accept romance and dating are NOT part of reality, except in your minds own fantasy. If you cannot just be a friend then you are a pretender, and have no business being a fake because you WANT more, but KNOW its not happening.

Girls are like ice cream, they taste great, but you can't eat them every day or whenever you want. They are a treat, not a diet. Separate the fantasy from real life, and make her a part of your life, but not such a big part that all you do is fantasize about her being yours.

Keep it real fella, and just be cool.