[needhelp2020]

Look am really frustrated on what things are going in her mind. Let me explain little bit about it. We have frequent contacts like calling and messaging and so on. Whenever she is calling and messaging she talks about mainly romance and so on. She says that she is ready for everything except sex. She wanted to have a relationship like on bed without dress but no to sex. I asked her why? She says like after marriage my husband will come know it if she is not fresh or something else. I asked her few times that I want to have a sex but she says. I am ready for everything for romance but not to sex. What does it mean…is she thinking to put me in the cage that I'll always have to follow her if she is not giving it?

She says come out we will have romance but not to sex…what does it mean. Is she hiding something or want me to follow her without giving anything? Some girls thinks in that way…you know. I don't think that she is considering that.. but something else she has…I don't know what it is? She says that she truly love me and talks about romance but no to sex. I gave up for a while like not having conversation about sex but she says I have changed and not taking about romance than I started again about romance, but she is not coming for sex, I don't know why?

She loves me a lot but not for sex. Can you give me a hint on what she is up to?

[smoothy]

She doesn't want to be any random guys sex toy.. she's smarter than you give her credit for. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free. Its no huge secret younger guys think primarily about sex... and are willing to lie to get it... and before you get upset... I'm a guy... I remember being young oh so very clearly... and its not a violation of any guy code to say it.

You either respect her for that or find someone who will give you sex but not much else until you are ready to settle down... she is looking at her entire future... not the next day or week.

[Cat1864]

Are there any cultural aspects we should know such as is virginity for females held in high regard and/or is she concerned about the possibility of an arranged marriage in her future?

She has told you why she doesn't want sex. She has told you that she wants to wait until she is married and it seems she isn't sure if you will be her husband.

You are obviously ignoring her when she tries to explain her needs and fears. For you to accuse her of "cheating you on sex" shows that you have very different thoughts about what is okay and what isn't than she does. If you need sex then let this female go.

Are you ready to be a father? Besides what her future husband might think, sex includes the chance of pregnancy. Birth control only lessens the chance. It does not eliminate it. If she is concerned about virginity then she is probably even more concerned about an unplanned pregnancy.

My advice is to start thinking with your brain instead of your hormones. If you really love her, you won't push her into something she isn't comfortable doing.

[Homegirl 50]

What she is saying is very clear. You should respect that. If you can't leave her alone.

[anushkapatel]

First get it straight and clear, you both are in a relationship and her things are affecting you. Do you both plan a future? Do you both want to get married? Or is it a "no string attached' kind of a relationship? And if it so then go ahead and tell her that you just want a sex partner and not a ''girl friend" and if you both are serious about each other then wait for the right time to have sex. It can happen after marriage till then you all can romance the way it is going on.
Talk to her openly about it, about marriage, about your future, about her future. If the conclusion is "Friends with benefits" and if you both don't have any problem then just go ahead. But respect her feelings and thinking after all she is a girl and if not yours then she is going to be somebody else's wife in the future.

[talaniman]

You sound like a frustrated young kid who cannot respect the wishes of a female who cares. She is honest and wise not to fall for your so called romance talk since she is in love and YOU are in LUST.

If you cannot respect her wishes, or don't understand them after she is clearly telling you she is saving herself for her future husband, then you need to find a different woman for your sex needs.

How old are you both?

[Jake2008]

When she said, "She wanted to have a relationship like on bed without dress but no to sex" she's leading you on. There used to be a word for that...

She could, if she were serious about NO sex, skip the laying on the bed without her dress on- what does she expect to do with half her clothes off- read the bible?

She's saying what she thinks you want to hear, so that she gives a little bit, but not too much, in order that you keep coming back, until she finally does the deed.

Why don't you take charge and end the game. Tell her YOU have decided on NO sex- not laying in the bed with her half dressed, kissing, fondling etc. and won't have sex until you are married.

And stick to it.

If she wants everything else, and you are prepared to go forward with her, then do the romance thing. That means getting to know each other (outside the bedroom without sex), learning about each other's likes, dislikes (not sexually), what their goals and ambitions are (not having sex on a trapeze), what kind of future do they dream of, what are their hobbies, favourite types of movies (nor porn), do they like water parks, picnics, poutine? (that is a weird dish from Canada, it has nothing to do with sex).

Romance is a way, or avenue, or road, to build a foundation for a relationship. If there is enough there to keep you together, without sex, then you've got something special.

Keep it simple, and out of the bedroom.

[helpneeded3000]

Sorry guys that I have already posted this question here but unfortunately I was unable to retrieve my passwords and decided to post again. I am sorry for that. Thank you so much for your opinions posted by guys but still I want more precise answer from you guys as I did not tell everything in my first post there.

So here we go. Our age is between 22-27

I and my girlfriend work in the same premise and our relationship age is about 6-7 months and we are great and having fun in the office. Our relationship started about one and half year ago in the same office then I decided to go for a proposal on Valentine ’s Day.

She said first, I have already had serious problems of my ex-boyfriend and after loving him for 2 years, he said marriage is not possible.

But she is in contact with him even today. Her boyfriend resides somewhere nearby to her hometown and every week she goes there to see her family (to see him as well)

Then after I proposed her, she asked me how I like her and other questions and that’s where our real things started over the phone. We work together and we meet each other and we are in the same group of people in the office as well.
Then she started to tell me about her past relationship and she will call her ex-boyfriend in front me without worrying me and even she had given her cards and other belonging to him.

She is still in touch with him but she used to say that I will not marry him because he had hurt me a lot and marriage will never happen.

After all this our relationship became very stronger and we used to talk about romance all those things and now it has become our regular talks over the phone and watup as well. She always talks about romance and has sent a lot of messages through whatsup messenger. I asked her to marry me but she has told me many times that marriage is impossible due to her family issues and I can understand that as well.

But from past two months there were a lot of things happened between us. She always talks about romance and no to sex at all. In the office, she used to touch me in sensible parts and make me to urge the sex feelings and when I get to the mood, I would ask that need to have a sex with you but she would deny without second thought. She used to tell me that she is willing to sleep with me but no to sex.

Also I told to my parents about the marriage to marry her. I have no problem from my family but she says marriage is impossible.
After all these types of romance talks, I felt bad that she is not coming for sex. I am not disappointed because I love her a lot but why she is repeatedly doing the same mistake like making me to go to the mood and say no to sex? When I keep calm myself without sex talks she is feeling bad about me. But when I get into the mood by her, I would ask like are you ready but she would reply like that's impossible. I told her that I cannot keep asking the same things again and again and getting shammed on this.

She always say that I want you to bring to the mood and finally say no to sex. She will call and talk all the time about romance and we are sharing our private parts through Whatsup messenger as well.

I came to know that she is not interested and I left talking about romance but she would tell me that I have changed a lot and not talking about romance. So I told her that I cannot have fun with you on the bed without sex. Since you are not willing to do that, it will never happen between us like romance, kiss and so on. She started feeling very bad after I sent messages like that.

We have frequent contacts like calling and messaging and so on. Whenever she is calling and messaging she talks about mainly romance and so on. She says that she is ready for everything except sex. She wanted to have a relationship like on bed without dress but no to sex. I asked her why? She says like after marriage my husband will come know it if she is not fresh or something else.. What does it mean…is she thinking to put me in the cage that I'll always have to follow her if she is not giving it?

She says come out we will have romance but not to sex…what does it mean. Is she hiding something or want me to follow her without giving anything? Some girls thinks in that way…you know. I don’t think that she is considering about her future husband.. but something else she has…

I don’t know what it is? She says that she truly love me and talks about romance but no to sex. I gave up for a while like not having conversation about sex but she says I have changed and not taking about romance then I started again about romance, but she is not coming for sex, I don’t know why?

Look , she will bring to the mood over the phone and sometimes face to face which will force me to ask for sex.

She used to tell me that her vagina is not good and black. Even I saw that through whatsup messenger but I did not find anything big deal of it.Even I told her many times that I loved it. She has told me many times that she is not happy with the color of her vigina. LOL

She does not want to marry me at the same time no to sex but ready for naked romance and so forth.

She loves me a lot but not for sex. Can you give me a hint on what she is up to?

[DoulaLC]

You aren't listening to what she has said. Your relationship isn't going to go any further. This means no sex, and no marriage to get that sex.

It is wrong of her in one sense to keep bringing you to the point of you asking her , yet again, for sex. Maybe she feels that it gives her power over you... and in a way it does, because you keep going back for more of the same! Stop playing her game!

However, at least she has been honest in just what she wants.

It comes to this: if you want marriage and/or sex, you will have to stop seeing her. No more romance talk, no more allowing her to touch you. If it means not talking to her anymore other than about work, than that may need to be what's done. You need to find someone else who wants the same things that you do in a relationship.

It sounds as though she might still want to be with her ex, but gets her romantic needs taken care of by you.

Her comment about a future husband knowing she is "not fresh" likely means she believes that he would somehow be able to tell whether she is a virgin... which often can't be known.

This relationship has come to an end unless you are happy with more of the same. Find someone who is better suited to you.

[talaniman]

You want sex, she doesn't. Live with it, or find someone else. Her reasons don't matter. If you can't respect it then set your own boundaries and rules for good behavior and abide by them.

I think you are moving way to fast into this myself and expecting too much too soon, with a female who not only still is protecting herself and healing from her last relationship, but is using you as her emotional tampon to get over it. Worse is that you allow her to get you hot and then get mad when you get frustrated. And you work together too? Disaster waiting to happen especially since her family problems means NO marriage, so NO sex,which is a dumb idea to me after only 6/7 months.

Its simple my friend, she does this because you let her, and keep going along with the program that works great for her, but not you. It is what it is so deal with it or don't but don't expect any changes anytime soon.

Nobodies fault really, just bad timing, bad situation, and different needs conflicting. She needs attention without ex, you need attention with sex. If I were you I would recognize you are but a placeholder and diversion from her previous pain, and when she has unpacked her baggage from the past, you will no longer be needed.

In short my suggestion is to stop spinning your wheels, and back way off this situation because its simply not healthy in the short term, and there is NO long term that I can see. Just too many issues on both sides of this equation. Think on it, beyond the lust. Neither of you is even close to being ready for what the other really needs at all.