[Fairyhearted]

I've been with my fiancé 5 years. We've lived together over two years now. He's much older than me, and is a doctor by profession. He has a very large house and has made me feel uncomfortable going in certain rooms. Over time I've developed a natural curiosity as to what is in the rooms that he doesn't want me to see. So I've snooped around a bit and was shocked when I found multiple dildos- the kind that look real and are HUGE stashed in various places in these rooms. I might add that my fiancé has an aversion to same sex porn- female or male, even two women and a man which I thought was most all heterosexual men's fantasy. He does have a large collection of porn DVDs which are all pretty much blowjob themed.

My fiancé doesn't have any living relatives. I'm 37, he's 63. He lived in California before coming here. Basically, what I know about him is what he's told me. I have no one to corroborate his background. He told me early on in our relationship that he was a Chippendale dancer while in college. During sex, he gets off mostly when I stimulate his prostate. When it comes to my arousing him for sex, I must dress up like a hooker or sex slave for him to get in the mood. Also, when I first moved into his house, he had pornographic 'art' hung on almost every wall-- said 'art' mostly being that of Olivia, a now famous artist of nude pinups, formerly an artist for playboy magazine, and also Suyriyama, a Japanese artist whose art began innocently enough but then moved much more graphically in the direction of pornography, specifically s&m. Of course I asked him to take them down, which he first resisted and acted insulted that I considered the art to be phonographic. He argued that it wasn't porn but was 'art'. He did finally take the pictures down.

I have not confronted him about his sexuality, past or present. I don't think he would admit he is or was bi or homosexual at any time in his life. I definitely do not think he's sexually active with anyone other than me. But given the info I've disclosed, what am I supposed to think?

[smoothy]

What's normal can vary quite significantly with any group, heterosexual or not. A guy can be just as wild or prudish as any female can be and you could float a fleet of supertankers between those two limits end to end... sideways.

[Oliver2011]

"he gets off mostly when I stimulate his prostate"

You know a lot of straight men are like that. And what used to be taboo is growing in popularity from what I understand.

I also agree with what Smoothy said too. And at 63 why not?

[joypulv]

I never cease to be amazed at the number of years some people spend with each other and seemingly know practically nothing about each other. And then I am equally amazed that they go online to ask total strangers what to think.

You describe some things that to me are irrelevant and disjointed - the names of the women in the art, the lack of living relatives, the age difference between 37 and 63. And how does someone living with someone for TWO YEARS feel uncomfortable in 'certain rooms?'

Maybe my relationships have just been the sort where the first 2 years were all lovey dovey soul searching telling each other every detail of our childhoods, and so on. Maybe I just don't understand this kind of relationship, but it sounds like something out of a 50s movie, with a modern porn twist. I hope I don't sound like I don't believe it or that I am passing judgment on either you or him. I just don't understand that you don't talk to each other more on any deep level.

As for his dildo collection and sexual desires, all I can say is that we are all on a sliding scale from straight to gay and back again and all sorts of tangents. Nothing means anything. He was sexual long before he met you, and I imagine all sorts of situations where he might have used dildos, even a woman who wanted them because she had a broken leg - who knows, who cares. Ask HIM what it all means, and take him at his word. If you can't take him at his word, then maybe it's time to leave.