[kendra20]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 1 year now, I am 20 and he is 22. The thing is that I haven't told my parents about him and I really hate having to lie each week that I am going out with my girl friends but my mum is over protective so I prefer not to tell her even though I wish I could.

For example she is really against sex before marriage and when she meets somebody who is not married and has a baby she keeps on talking about how it is not good and how she would kick me out of the house if that happened to me. Also another example is my cousin went on a holiday with her boyfriend and his parents (they both were 21 at the time) and his parents got them a double bed and she kept talking about how it was something to be ashamed of. This is why I haven't told her about him because if I do I cannot go on weekend breaks and trips with my friends and him.

We went to a flat for a day and a night 6 months ago and I told her I was going with my girl friends but I told her that we were getting a lift from a guy in our class and she kept telling me not to let him in the flat, etc. Now my boyfriend wants to go to a hotel for our 1 year anniversary and I do too but I am starting to feel guilty that I haven't told my mum yet and that I have to lie to her again. I am really frightened by the thought of her getting to know that I slept in the same bed with a guy. We aren't sexually active, we do fool around once in a while but we never have sex and we don't plan to for now but if I tell her I wouldn't be able to spend a night with him ever again. I feel old enough to make these kind of decision though I live under her roof since I am still studying for my degree. What would be the best solution in your opinion?

[smoothy]

Get a job, rent your own place and nove out?

In your parents house if they are footing the bills... they get to make the rules. WHy not wait until you graduate?

[anushkapatel]

You should start talking to your mom, make her understand that friendship with boys is not bad. Once she understands this you can show her that you have decent friends who are boys. See, you are anyway not sexually active with him so let your mom see that there can be a clean relationship between a girl and a boy. Talk to him about how successful relationships can keep two people happy. But don't push her to believe you on immediate basis. Let her take her own time to understand this. It will happen gradually. Once her mind set starts changing invite some boys at home so that she will be able to see herself. Assure her that you won't do anything wrong before marriage. I also request you to respect her thinking. Just treat your mother as your baby and make her understand things slowly. Don't rush.

[Fr_Chuck]

First were do you live, dating advice for India, will be different than America or UK.

But you are 20, and by 20, most girls have dated and dated. But you seem obsessed about sex, you talk and talk about sex. Over 1/2 of your post. But then you say you are not sexually active with him.

If this is just dating, parents need to be told,

[DoulaLC]

Best tell her soon. By not doing so from the start, you've unfortunately put yourself in an even more difficult situation. It's understandable that you don't want to upset her, or have to listen to her concerns, but if you want to be treated as an adult, then you need to act like one and own your decisions. You don't have to tell her that you've been lying to her, just tell her that you've been seeing someone and that you'd like her to meet him.

If you feel your activities would upset her too greatly, then you don't have to spend nights with your boyfriend. Let her meet him, start just going out again without the sleepovers. If he has a problem with that, then you'll know he is thinking of himself and not you as you let your mother get to know him. His reaction just may tell you a great deal about how serious he is about your relationship.

You aren't planning on having sex just yet, but spending nights together and fooling around can easily set you up for things going further than planned... why tempt fate if you aren't ready yet?

Once you move out on your own, it then becomes all up to you on what you do.