[stonecoldjr75]

My wife just recently told me she dosen't feel any sensations inside her vagina when we have intercourse. She said she dosen't remember ever really having any feeling in it . She is apprehensive to try to find out why, because she feels like there is nothing that can be done to help. I know she feels terrible about keeping this secret for so long, and I feel terrible for her having dealt with it so long by herself. Is there anything we can do to try and get her some sensation down there, is this normal, hoping for some help...

[smoothy]

What is she supposed to feel inside it?... most of the nerve endings are on the outside of it.

[Wondergirl]

Like smoothy said, the sensations come from nerve endings OUTSIDE a woman's vagina--and mostly mental and emotional (from her brain). Foreplay should begin hours before the "main event" with loving and sexy words and touches. What do you do during the day to get her interested and even excited about having sex later?

[stonecoldjr75]

I have tried everything I could, from sexting, to sweet romantic gestures, to holding her and kissing her all over her body , while caressing her softly, you name it I have tried it. Nothing has helped she has gotten so frustrated, and depressed because she feels like she should be feeling some sensation from the inside not just the outside. She wants to be able to experience the same joy other women tell her about from vaginal penetration. She can orgasm from clitoral stimulation orally or manually, but sometimes that's even hard for her to be able to achieve on a regular basis. It has put a serious strain on our marriage, I want to find some way to help her. Rite now I feel helpless.

[Wondergirl]

She wants to be able to experience the same joy other women tell her about from vaginal penetration.

Who are these women? I've never heard this during my long life. Is she reading romance or soft-porn novels or seeing this on chatboards?

[Alty]

The women that experience orgasm through penetration have partners that are hitting the erogenous zones on the exterior. They're not experiencing an orgasm because of feeling inside the vagina.

Your wife really needs to talk to a doctor because it's about time someone explained to her how her body works, what it can do, and what it can't. The pressure she's putting on herself and you, over something no woman has, is not good.

[DoulaLC]

Has she not been able to orgasm from standard penetration? Has she tried a position that allows her to have more control over what area is getting stimulated, how much pressure is used, etc? With her on top for example.

[Fr_Chuck]

She does not need a medical exam.. Her ( and you) need a sex education course on how stimulation happens and where the zones are that will make her feel.
Inside there is not.. it is external and that can be controlled with positions or even rings that help give added stimulation.

Someone reading or watching too much fiction..

[CravenMorhead]

My question is if she's ever explored her self alone? How well does she know how she gets off. Most men, yourself included, figure out how to do this when we were going through puberty. Run hand up and down penis and then receive prize. There are a lot of societal pressures that will hinder that discovery process for pubescent girls.

A check out from her OB/GYN is always good, but it might do well for her to spend time, guilt free, exploring her body. Once she knows how it works she can better guide you. It might also be the case that there's no solution to this. In that case you need to talk with your wife and see what she gets out of sex. A lot of women won't orgasm during penetration and that's not entirely the fault of the man. If she is enjoying how things are going than don't feel any guilt about not giving her an orgasm. Do you understand what I am saying?

[stonecoldjr75]

I do, and have considered all of this myself, at this point she feels helpless, and has given up on trying anything to see if there is anything that can be done to help it. I have wondered if some of this has stemmed from her childhood whereas she was told by her older sisters that sex was going to hurt when she did it. She has told me before this terrified her being so young that she felt she never wanted to try it because of what had been told to her by her sisters. I have always felt like that she was never really comfortable with it, and never really let go, and allowed herself to fully enjoy the experience. So with all of this I am at a loss as how to try and help her through this... And as far as the other women she has been talking too, and the books I am sure she has girlfriends that have told her this,and she did, and has read those twilight stories, and other fictional stories involving soft porn and some involving bdsm. I have read many articles on possible causes stemming from psychological to a week pelvic floor. I do believe that your mind is the biggest sex organ we have and sometimes wonder and even feel like this is our biggest obstacle, I understand that she might not be physically able to orgasm from just penetration alone, and she has even told me she is OK with that, she just wants some pleasure from the penetration. I just recently gave her a full body massage to try and help relax her and put her in a better frame, or state of mind even if for only a short time. She couldn't relax and enjoy it she would just lay there looking at the bed or the ceiling I even tried telling her to close her eyes, and just concentrate on the massage and how it felt and enjoy being in the moment, she couldn't do it so I don't even know if she was even able to enjoy it.

[Precious7]

Hi Stonecold, You have nothing to do about it, tell her to stop listening to those women or reading those fictions. You are doing your best and keep doing it. Then everything will become normal as before just like how she wants.
As you know orgasm is more connected with our brain and less have anything to do with physical, and also physical just help it to start happening. So, you have said about her fear about sex and what her sister told her, and she reads all those fictional books. So it indicates that, before her body, her mind needs to be prepared and all the fictional junks should be taken out from the mind. Which causes more stress and stress also can hinder in having orgasm. May be instead of trying to do it by yourself everyday, why don't u guys wait and wait till your wife's wants it and then try doing it, It may help, bcos she is will be not doing it bcos her body wants it but also mind. And then start again but slowly in that journey, act as if you guys have never had sex before together. And one ore important thing, don't always you start, let her also start the process, let her talk, let her do the do, let her give you and you receive. May be it can help.

[stonecoldjr75]

Thanks Precious I agree with you, I feel like some of this has been getting in the way of her concentrating, and relaxing. The only thing about waiting is she is never in the mood any more, and could care less if she had it or not so it could be six months and I feel like this only adds to her stress that she is already under now. I want it to be special every time, and I get excited and turned on just by her presence, touch, and the way her body feels to me, when I express myself about it to her she changes the subject and dosen't want to talk about it. She has told me it's not that she dosen't want to do anything, just she has no desire for it , so I am stuck in the same circle again. It has been over a month since we made love last, and I don't know the next time we will. I feel like this stresses her because she feels like I shouldn't have to suffer with her... but she dosen't want to do anything to help with the situation...

[J_9]

It may be time for her to visit a doctor and have her hormone levels checked.

[Precious7]

I see stonecold, as you may know that usually men are the one who can get up in the morning and are just ready to do sex but with women its totally different, I am not saying that with everyone its like that but, most of them! So here you have to understand just this part of her normal female nature, and she also has to understand you. But I'll not go in that topic now because you have just asked for your wife not feeling anything down there, so will stick to that and try asking your wife what she likes, how she like and what turns her on, I can be very small things too like the way you dress up, the way you romance with her, take her to the date night or something and my personal tips is ''never stop dating your girl even after she becomes your wife'' ;), women like to have those moments. And please tell her also to do something or contribute something to the things you are trying to do. It should be from both sides. If she doesn't want you to suffer then it can't happen magically, she has to do something for that!

[Cat1864]

How old is your wife? How long have you been married?

This sounds like a combination of mental blockage and possibly a physical issue.

Starting with the physical, she needs a complete check-up including hormone levels. She needs to be open with her doctor about everything she does and doesn't feel. Make certain everything is working correctly. Go over the method of birth control and make certain it isn't causing negative side-effects.

Mental blocks may take visiting a therapist. She needs to deal with the past and take control of the present. She needs to learn how to dismantle the wall she has put up around her own libido and enjoyment of sex. It may take awhile. Understand that the slightest pressure to preform may make her shut down even more. It is not a conscious thought or action. It is a response to internal conflict. Wanting to please you without feeling pleasure may have her feeling like less of a partner and more of an object. I am not saying you are to blame or anything like that. This appears to be mainly her issue.

What you can do is give her support by showing her it is safe to show affection and to relax. Sharing intimacy does not have to lead to sex. Give massages without expecting it to end in sexual gratification. Enjoy exploring each other's body with no other thought than touching. Connect on other levels. Build stronger bonds and communication skills.

Remember this has been building up for a long time. During that time she was giving you what you wanted and needed. Can you do the same for her?

[stonecoldjr75]

We do have an app with her OBGYN,and are currently going to see a marriage therapist on a regular basis. I do feel looking back on things that a big portion of it could possibly be from a mental blockage, that is leading to the physical side. We are currently reading Sheet Music and I feel like me and her both are gaining a lot from it. Sometimes I do feel bad because most everything we read, and or have read on marriage and relationships does put a lot of emphasis on intimacy in a relationship, I feel this sometimes only puts more of a strain on her to "perform". We a re communicating a lot better every day, and I feel like we are opening doors from her childhood that have gotten in the way of her being able to fully enjoy life and our marriage to her fullest.. Even in our early years we never were very "sexual" like most teenagers were, and I realize now that a big part of that was from her not being able to communicate with me and fully understand how to share and express her feelings to me. So intimacy has always been one of our biggest issues. Although it has been a very trying and hard time for both of us I am 100% committed to her and our marriage and am willing to do anything I can to help her through this.

My wife just turned 40, and we have been together for 22 of those years