[JonnyBoy248]

Ok here's my question, I apologize if it's already posted somewhere as I don't really know how to work this site but would greatly appreciate an answer. My now girlfriend just before we got together had sex with a 26 year old man (pig), she was 17 at the time. Although it was consensual he basically took advantage of her and was having her help him with his band organizing and doing things for them. I live in Ontario, Canada, she is now 18 (as am I). I was wondering if there was any sort of sexual offense this guy can be charged with or if there's anything I can do to make him pay for what he did (legally obviously) and how to go about doing it. Thank You very much, I would appreciate a relatively quick response but anything helps as I know very little about these laws. Thank You

[AK lawyer]

As I recall, the age of consent in Canada is 16; if so, this wouldn't be "statutory rape". If she got pregnant, she should sue the man for child support, obviously. Otherwise, no; nothing really to be done but to move on.

[smoothy]

First... its not any of YOUR business... and not for you do do anything. Seriously... what I read in your post indicates you are going to find yourself in trouble with the law sometime soon unless you get over this "I need to get even because......"

It never ends well. Because the other person WILL push back and next thing you are calling a lawyer and someone to bail you out of jail.

Because HE did nothing illegal... she was 17... the age of consent in Ontario (and the rest of Canada) is 16.

Canada's Legal Age of Consent to Sexual Activity (PRB99-3E)

Anything you would do would be considered harrassment and put you on the wrong side of the law.

Best to get over it....because there was nothing illegal about it. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Let me guess....you are trying to get into her pants and are upset that someone else has already? Seriously....this is life...her past is her past, accept it or move on.

Speaking as a guy....you likely won't be with her forever..but any trouble you get in WILL follow you forever. Nobody is worth it that isn't a blood relative or you aren't married to....currently.

[JonnyBoy248]

I'm sorry, I love her and I really want to be with her but her past sexual history hurts me because I was a virgin when I met her and she had a long list of guys she was already with. She had no boundaries and sex meant nothing to her. I'm sorry that inside I want to get even but it's simply me trying to get over this so I can move on. I love her so much but all I get are these disgusting images and I know it was none of my business but she opened up to me about it and know I can't get it out. How can I move on? I can't be the only who's ever felt this way

Guy* and no, I'm not trying to get in her pants. We have a healthy relationship (asides from this issue) and it really hurts her and makes her depressed because she's so upset and sorry about it that she let it happen. We're just trying to move on but we're having a rough time doing so. Thanks for the getting in her pants statement. I'm actually a respectful young man with excellent morals so don't think I'm some teenage pig

[smoothy]

I know Teenage guys... I used to be one. In fact I remember it exceptionally well. They ALL have libidos. It goes with the territory, and the hormones. Good guys have them as well as the pigs. Any guy that's NOT thinking about getting into someone's pants... isn't being honest with themselves or others.

Like I said... she made her choices then... she has to live with them... what happened before you met her... it would be in your best interests to not get involved in. Because every one you will meet has a past. THey weren't born yesterday after all.

Its bothering you is a problem you need to learn to deal with yourself... because everyone has a past... the past can never be changed... it has to simply be accepted. If you can't accept it, (as an example you find out they worked as a prostitute) then you have to move on. That's life... thats how it is, pretending otherwise changes nothing.

Seriously... you are going to torpedo every relationship you will ever have until you can learn to accept the past for what it was... namely the past.

Nobody walking this earth... has ever made choices or done things they don't later regret. Hindsight is always 20/20. But things in the here and now are rarely ever so clear.

[JonnyBoy248]

Thank you, I will try my best to move on for both of us

[Fr_Chuck]

As noted, there was nothing illegal. And there is nothing you could do, even if it was, since it would be the girls place to decide.

Now the issue is, that you need to accept people have sex. You will need to decide and accept others have sex.. by the time they reach 17, many people have sex. As you get older, finding someone who is a virgin is getting harder.

It is time to accept her for her, and forget her past

As noted, there was nothing illegal. And there is nothing you could do, even if it was, since it would be the girls place to decide.

Now the issue is, that you need to accept people have sex. You will need to decide and accept others have sex.. by the time they reach 17, many people have sex. As you get older, finding someone who is a virgin is getting harder.

It is time to accept her for her, and forget her past

[odinn7]

I have seen plenty of people like you, both on and off this site.

You're upset because you were a virgin, didn't have a long list of people you had sex with but now you found the obsession of your life and she is perfect EXCEPT that her sexual history bothers YOU. So what do you do about it....you talk about it, talk about it some more. Re-hash it over and over. Cry about it. Tell her how much her past hurts you. After all of this, she starts to feel bad for how much she has hurt you and how much pain and suffering you are going through because of what SHE did...so now, she is hurting and depressed for what SHE did to YOU.

You know what? Grow up and get over yourself. You say you're trying to move on but I know you're not. You keep thinking about it, you keep telling her about it and not letting her forget. Guess what? This was before YOU. This is her past. She did this before she knew you and it's not wrong of her to have done it but it is wrong of you to not let her forget it. It's also not her fault that you decided to be a virgin until you met her. This is something that you either accept and let it go and stop bringing it up to make her feel like crap or you decide you can't let it go and break up with her so she can find someone that will accept her for who she is.

To be honest, I am hoping for her sake that she realizes that this is not her problem but yours and dumps you to save herself because this site is full of stories from guys like you who can't let themselves grow up and wind up making their relationship into a horrible mess.

[JonnyBoy248]

I appreciate your hateful thinking but unfortunately you're wrong. Yes it hurts both of us but she literally can't get over it. I have told her it's OK and we try I move on but she ends up crying and upset because she is so mad at what she did. You have to realize that I don't repeatedly bring this up, she just keeps getting upset that she let it happen. Also you got to love the people like you "I hope she dumps you" you, maybe you need to grow up and realize that you can't judge a guys character based on a flipping post, thanks bud ;)

And I'm sorry that I feel this way despite millions of other guys feeling the same way and if you were in the same situation, being told sex is extremely important and is not something you just throw around and that you need to wait until someone you truly love comes along. If that idea was forced into your head from birth, then you dated a girl and found out all of her sexual past because she wanted to open up about it. You wouldn't just be able to brush it off champ, don't pretend you're some god incapable of feeling common human emotions

[DoulaLC]

JonnyBoy,

Are you saying that she is upset at herself for having been with others in the past, that this has always bothered her, and that has caused you to become upset about how this has bothered her so you were wanting to do something, if possible, that might make it better for her?

At first your post was sounding as though you became upset over hearing that she had sexual encounters before you, and that caused her to feel badly and is now being bothered by it simply because it has upset you.

Which situation is it?

[odinn7]

You keep telling yourself that...she can't get over it because you are a whiner and made such a big deal of it. If you hadn't, she would be ok. But keep telling yourself that it's her and not you. Your second post in this thread points out without a doubt that it's all about you.

You can say what you want to me but I'm not the one that put my "problem" out there for others to see and whining about how I can move on from such a tragedy that my girlfriend wasn't a virgin.

[JonnyBoy248]

It is mainly the first with admittedly a touch of the second. I'll admit that I'm hurt that I feel like I didn't deserve first place but I'll move on and suck it up because I know I'm not entitled to that

cool, realize that other people have different values and beliefs besides your own

[smoothy]

That wasn't directed at me... But I grew up in a very conservative household, and grew up attending church every Sunday.

Before I met the woman I decided to marry... I dated a couple dozen women over the 15 years I was old enough to date and before I got married.

There were virgins, there were some that weren't virgins with no kids, there were single moms... there was a couple divorced women with and without kids... and while I'm not too proud of it now... there was a couple married women in there too. (from a number of countries as I spent years living and working overseas)

What is common is I did not wave their pasts in front of them... nor did I criticize them for choices they made before I knew them. The relationships fell apart for various reasons that basically all boiled down to we didn't have enough in common to continue. Sometimes it was a peaceful breakup, sometimes it wasn't.

Their past was their past. What they do here and now is what mattered. Yes I generally did know about their pasts.

YOU don't see it but Odinn7 is trying to get you to view this in the proper context.....and is not her at all...its really all about you and how you are dealing with others.

Its not about values....if it was you would have left her and saved yourself for some virgin thats been hidden away from the public her entire life waiting for you to come by and take her away.

I'm being sarcastic there....but take some time and give it a lot of thought....instead of having the expected knee jerk reaction one would expect of a guy your age group. You will see the point we are trying to get across.

As it stands...you are not viewing this from the proper viewpoint..or seeing this fropm the proper perspective.

You feel hurt because she didn't live up to your original and incorrect vision you had of her. A standard that will be very unlikely to anyone to meet....and the older you get the less likely you will ever find anyone that can meet. Until eventually the unlikely becomes the impossible.

Nothing wrong with having high standards.....there is something wrong with having inflexible and unreasonible standards.

Its also not uncommon to have many if not most of your expectations for life you grew up with being shattered between 18 and your mid 20's when you find out real life works different than you grew up thinking it did from the sheltered life your parents provided.

Everyone goes through that.

[ScottGem]

OK, The issue here is she made mistakes growing up. She got involved with the wrong people and let herself be taken advantage of. Now she has met you, seemingly a good guy, and she realizes that they way she has lived up to now was a mistake and regrets the mistakes she made.

But what both of you need to understand is that she is no longer (hopefully) the person she was back then. People can change and, as long as you see those changes, you should accept her for what she is now and she should accept herself for what she is now.

[JonnyBoy248]

OK Thank You

[JonnyBoy248]

Thank You, I appreciate you trying to help me see it from the proper perspective