[1436]

Hello,
I really want you to judge my situation and provide me with a little counselling and better understanding of where I am wrong and what should I do. I've been suffering for a year now because I fell in love with my cousin who happens to be 7 years younger than me and is staying with us as he has college in this city where we live. His parents wanted a place for him to stay so my parents thought we could keep him. In a years time we became really good friends and we started enjoying his company at home. Later my sister came from abroad who is older than me but he fell in love with her and they were in a relationship. I couldn't bear the sight of it, started getting sick for the pain that if I would've told him that I liked him may be he would have said yes to me too. So I told him about what was troubling me and he said he was sorry to know that I lost my chance.

Later I started to gather courage and started living my life and that is when he said he made a wrong choice choosing my sister and came to me. I tried talking him out of what he was saying because I did not want to hurt my sister but I was too weak to see him sad. So we kept a secret relationship. But on Christmas when my sister came he said he would like to go with my sister because I did not stop him from betraying my own sister. I got terribly hurt. So hurt that I went into depression for some time. I could not see the two lovers together before my eyes because it reminded me of my own time with him and everyday passed like hell till my sister went back abroad to continue with her work and he went to see her as he was on holidays. Later during this months' time I recovered and my sadness lessened. During this time my cousin's parents forbid him to marry my sister because she is too old for him. Although she doesn't look old and he still looks older than her. So the marriage got cancelled.

He came back with a broken heart. But after a month's stay in our house where I did not talk to him at all except when it was needed he started talking to me. I still did have feeling for him but I knew nothing big would happen so was at peace. But that is when he said he wanted a hug one day and then another day and another. And I agreed to give him because I thought he was sad and also the environment in my house also became happy after this started. Sexual relations are forbidden in my house so I went through a lot of confusion and distress but finally could not say no to him. He said he doesn't love me but he wanted a romantic relationship and I thought I would go abroad in a few months' time to forget him later. But instead of me going to my sisters place she decided to come home and now she's here. And she sticks to my cousin all the time. He says he can't stop her and I tell him I can't bear to see him with her all the time. He likes her company and all the nasty things she does to him.

I fought with my cousin about that but he says we never had a relationship where I would tell him not to do this or that. He says it was my choice to say yes when He asked for a hug and I should've been sensible enough to say no to him then. Isn't the boy supposed to take care of his girlfriend instead of his ex? Please tell me where I am wrong? And what should I do now to get out of this mess? And what kind of a person is my cousin? I'm too hurt.

[Fr_Chuck]

you tried stealing your sisters boyfriend, and now, can not stand seeing them together.

You should have had enough moral value and dignity and self worth, not to try and take a man, that was dating and with your sister.

You have no choice in this, either accept it.. or move away, so you don't see it

[Jake2008]

I agree with Chuck here.

You made choices, and they have had very sad consequences.

That being said, try to remove the 'sister' 'cousin' status from everybody, and see it for what it is.

He is a man that is playing you, yet at the same time, telling you a relationship is okay, but love won't happen if I read this right. He obviously loved the other woman, but, I assume for cultural/family reasons, they were not allowed to be married.

Then he started it up again with you, and you let him. There is really no way around this.

When a 'suitable', available woman does become available, what do you think he'll do. You will be dumped again. That is the pattern of relationships here, and it won't change.

Even if he did love you, I don't see why it had to be a secret other than your fate would be the same as the other woman; because you have the same family, marriage would be out of the question for you as well.

He is not a very honourable person, and your morals have been left drifting between dishonesty, betrayal, and false hope based on nothing other than emotions. The facts do not support you loving this man, and you need to seriously think about this, without rainbows and puppy dogs clouding your vision.

His life, because of the type of person he is, will go on without a second thought to you. The other woman's life will go on uncomplicated by the fact that you were sneaking around with him. You choose to put your life on hold, in an impossible situation, that will, if you continue to fall for him every time he gives you a hug, blow up in your face. ALL parties unwittingly involved will become aware of what has gone on eventually and again- more consequences to you. Things of this nature have a way of snowballing in that everybody will blame somebody else, but, believe me, most of the blame will be squarely on your shoulders because you were the accepting woman, and chose to keep the relationship hidden.

It is time to put this behind you, while you still have a chance of saving face, and get over him. Lose the romantic interest, the dreams and hopes of him turning out to be 'the one', and get over the very real possibility that he will try with you again, and it will be for all the wrong reasons.

Realize that, even if you think you love him, love is not based on trust and deceit. It isn't based on secrets, being silent, betrayal and being 'the other woman'. Whatever you had with this man, was not love, it had no future, and you'd be nuts to carry on with him in any way.

Let it go. Seriously. Let it go.