[derwon25]

Hi to all ! I went through the threads here and I want to confess that they are continuing to provide a source of strength to face, survive and give it back to my break up with a smile. Thanks all for sharing your experience and intelligence.

My case is similar to a few cases mentioned here particularly with the threads looking for a closure. My ex and me also had a misunderstanding/heated argument. The mistake was mine so I apologized, he texted me after a few days and continued to do so until one day after which he never texted again. I never asked him what happened. Then after around a week I came across this thread when I was trying to find why he left me so abruptly. I realized that it must have been the other girl. I am successfully moving on. It's been a fair 10-12 days nows. I know I will become like completely fine in some more days although I am still happy and enjoying rains (its rainy season here in India this time).

All I wanted to ascertain was that what he did was wrong, right? And what I am doing like moving on with my life with NC is right? Also I read that these kind of people circle back sometime later in our lives, I don't know why I so much want him to circle back so that I can reject him out right!

By the way we dated for 8 months. And it was fun (I so didn't wanted to say this line :/). He is 22 recently got placed in some other city while I am 25 and have faced a massive heart break before; and survived. But the realization that he is cheating on me with some other girl has given me a reason to throw him out of my life and not feel any hurt.

[smoothy]

Why do you have to have vindication in him being wrong? Nobody could be wrong, or both people could be wrong just as easily as you being wrong.

You just take it at face value and move on... there won't always be someone or something to blame when things go wrong. And its best not to spend a long time dwelling on it.

[Alty]

I agree with Smoothy. Why is so important to you for strangers to tell you he was wrong, and you're right?

We can't do that. We're only getting your side of the story, and when people tell their story they always make themselves out to be better than they are. I'm sure his story would be far different than yours.

In other words, when two people break up it's usually both their fault. Fault shouldn't matter. Moving on does. So stick to NC, stop trying to prove you're right and he's wrong, stop hoping he comes back so you can get revenge by rejecting him. Just move on.

[derwon25]

Hmm yeah I agree to both of you. It simply might be that we didn't get along with each other pretty well and that's it. It's just that I got a reason as to why he left me, that reason might just be an assumption but it's good enough to justify my break up after all I needed a justification for it so be it. It is helping me otherwise letting go without any reason was so not acceptable to my heart. Let me Keep it that way. :)

[Alty]

Then keep it that way. If you two weren't getting along, why did you need to believe he's cheating to break up with him? That makes no sense.

But if you need to cling to an assumption to justify the break up, go for it. At the same time, you have to forget it and move on, stop obsessing about it, and stop wanting revenge.

[derwon25]

That is the thing dear that we got along very well and thus this came as a not so welcomed surprise. Therefore leading me to search for a reason or pseudo excuse as to why it happened.

About the revenge, it's going to settle down. Its one of those heat of the moment thoughts .

[catonsville]

You can't stop the fact that he may circle back. If he does it by email, do not respond.
It appears that you are strong and will be able to handle the situation. By not responding,
you control the high ground. Closing a door in his face should give you great satisfaction
without saying a word.

[Fr_Chuck]

The two of you had a fight. You expected everything to be OK, because you said, you were sorry. He did not really get over it, nor did he completely accept your apology.

He talked to you, but was also, talking to other girls and found a new girlfriend.

There is no right or wrong, it is just a fight and the two of you broke up.

[derwon25]

@catonsville- yo! So true ;)

@Fr_chuck- How can love or any relation for that matter be so objective? Till the time your needs are fulfilling and the person is making you happy is all well and the moment something goes wrong you kick the other person out without even telling anything or have a talk. He was my boyfriend and if he wanted to separate he should have righteously told me so and left and not leave me guessing what he did. This is unethical. Secondly he was the one who approached me and did hell lot of promises like you are my everything etc etc. Not me. IF someone says all this at some point at least he should keep the respect of his words and separate with dignity. We are humans and not commodities that the only thing matters is fulfillment of need no matter how or with whom. Even considering that he no more felt anything for me then too he should have said so and left. Tell me if I'm wrong?

[smoothy]

You are still trying to lay blame on someone else for something that just didn't work out.

First thing to learn... everyone doesn't think the same, nor do they react the same... and just because one person believes somethig to be unethical, doesn't make it so, or that everyone else would agree.

One of these days... you will be in the same position he is in... and someone else will be feeling the same about you. How would you view it then?

Because everyone doesn't think the same way... notihng will ever be simple, neat or clean when it comes to a relationship falling apart.

You would better serve yourself by simply moving on rather than trying to justify you own actions... or find ways and reasons to demonize his.

Sometimes something just is... and you just have to deal with it as it is... without knowing the cause or reason.

Actually... when you can learn to do that... you will find a lot more happiness and a lot less agrivation in life in general.

[talaniman]

Whatever gets you to a better place.

[derwon25]

@smoothy - He did wrong with me and my emotions, and that's all I feel and it helps me forget him and live peacefully with a clear conscious that I tried my best in my limits and didn't do wrong to him. I generally am a positive person but somehow in this case I am right now not in a position to think diplomatically from a third point of view, which might be right.

@tal- That actually is the bottom line, cause in the end it's just me with myself.

[derwon25]

Hello All! This is me again... now I am continuing with this thread only because you all are aware of my case and were the ones who helped me so a continuation will be helpful in remembering war was I last. So thankfully I am out of my heart break and also have been successful in getting myself placed in a good company (being in the final year of college), all that said and done and being the construct of my new problem that I am going to discuss now.
Actually the last time I hurriedly rushed into this affairs (or the first affair of my life so to say) with a pathetic ending... the reason was nothing but boredom, boredom from my life, and affinity of friends thus a hell lot of me time that created a void and I was looking out for a change thus ended up being with this guy.
The problem is, that now again I am placed and there is still an entire semester left and I don't have any group or friends to hand out with. Why? Well I frankly don't know... you can say I'm poor in making friends. Although people like me and appreciate and talk with me but nothing like I am a hanging out buddy... I don't know why I couldn't make any nice girl friend group to hang out with here... and the boys, I usually don't prefer to go out with my male friends because people start talking rubbish as we are in relationship etc etc...
The worst part... people get placed and they party and celebrate while on the contrary I didn't had any gals to celebrate... with whom I shall go out and have fun... :(
My biggest fear is that I will die out of frustration... or might become so desperate to again end up caught in another bad choice of relationship... what should I do... I don't want to die out of frustration... or again go for a wrong choice... @smoothy @talaniman @catsonville @Alty

[talaniman]

Congrats, you have come far and now seem ready for the next phase of your journey. Building a life that you enjoy, with friends, family, and activities that makes you happy. Yes its quite the challenge, but finding out what you enjoy doing is half the fun of exploring, and experimenting.

Too bad you have to hold yourself back because you are afraid of gossip about your guy friends. Bummer, but don't they have girlfriends? Find some group activities ( Besides clubbing), and maybe consider just making more friend.

What are you waiting for an invitation or something? Ask a coworker for some good ideas of what's a great activity, or a great place for good clean adult fun.

[derwon25]

@talaniman >>> tnxx! :) will definitely do engage myself in some hobby and make new friends... tnx again :)

[Alty]

Join a group. What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies or something you'd like to learn to do, like painting, or ceramics, or a book club etc etc.

The best way to meet people you will have something in common with is to join group you're interested in. Then it's just a matter of approaching people in those groups.