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goffmj69 · Jul 5, 2014, 08:16 PM

My girlfriend asked for space but hasn't wanted to breakup for good. Ive not called/text her but she has in the morning and at night. Is she missing me? Should I reply to her text?

Wondergirl · Jul 5, 2014, 08:24 PM

She asked for space. Why is she texting you? She can't have it both ways. I'd ignore her texts and continue to give her space.

smoothy · Jul 5, 2014, 08:32 PM

SHe wanted space.. so give her space... delete her texts without answering any of them.

goffmj69 · Jul 5, 2014, 08:38 PM

How long would you ignore her texts?

Wondergirl · Jul 5, 2014, 09:03 PM

Did she say how long she needs space? If not, I'd talk to her one time and set a time limit for this space thing--two months or whatever with the agreement that there will be NO contact during that time.

smoothy · Jul 5, 2014, 09:07 PM

Give her a month or two... until she comes back begging or moves on and you know for sure.

It will at least teach her what giving someone space means... basically she can't have her cake and eat it too.

Anything less won't accomplish much. I don't believe in asking for space unless you seriously want time appart to make a decision.

goffmj69 · Jul 6, 2014, 07:13 AM

How to be patient when my girlfriend wants space? She sends me text once a day to say hi. Ive not made any contact first. I want her to miss me and want me back.

tickle · Jul 6, 2014, 07:52 AM

She is contacting you, so she doesn't know the meaning of 'no contact' and either do you.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2014, 07:56 AM

When someone asks for space the first thing you ask is what do you mean by space? Once its defined and understood what they mean then you can act accordingly.

So did you ask her exactly what she means by give her space? If NOT, then no wonder you don't know what to do. Ask her exactly what she means by she wants space.

Cat1864 · Jul 6, 2014, 08:16 AM

Did she ask for space or a break?

I agree with Tal that you need to talk with her and define 'space'.

Why is she wanting/needing 'space'? Has she tried to explain what her needs are?

I will say that it is a red flag for me that you want her to 'miss' you so she will want you back. This makes me wonder if you have been a bit clingy and she is feeling smothered. How often were you contacting her before she asked for space? How much time did you spend together? Do you have your own friends and activities apart from the relationship and her?

goffmj69 · Jul 6, 2014, 08:51 AM

She asked for a break. She lives a 30 miles from her older kids and she's feeling guilty she's not spending enough time with them. Her kids are starting college and she's feeling financial stress also. She has mentioned she's been seeing a therapist and has some depression.

Before this id call her in the morning before work and we would text few times during the day. When she would get off work shed call on her way home and we'd text before bed, that was our norm.

DoulaLC · Jul 6, 2014, 09:00 AM

Don't get caught up in playing games... if you want to respond with a quick "Hi, how are you"? Then do so. As was said, find out what she means by space. It sounds as though she has a great deal going on and feels she just needs to spend more of her time and focus elsewhere for now. This does not necessarily mean she doesn't want to talk to you from time to time, or just have a quick "hi" in a text to feel that she is still connected. She may need your support more than ever right now, but sometimes that comes from just knowing you are there as she gets some things sorted out.

Spend your extra time doing other things.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2014, 09:16 AM

It seems the norm has changed, temporarily at least, and acknowledging her texts with a simple reply would seem appropriate while not freaking out because she doesn't call as much. It seems a small adjustment from what you have written and totally ignoring her seems a sour grapes over reaction.

Its considerate to back off a bit to accommodate a partner while they deal with their own personal issues without you, and not visit your own fears on them. Don't you agree, that's an added stress on top of what she has to deal with? It's not like she kicked you to the curb and doesn't miss you, she is just caught up in her own business.

Don't make this about JUST you, or your hurt feelings or fears. How long have you dated and how often? You sound older than 30's, and is this a distance thing here or what? You honestly sound a bit needy, and insecure to be quite honest. Are you?

goffmj69 · Jul 6, 2014, 10:10 AM

I have backed off if you have read my first post. Ive given her all the space she's asked for by not bugging her. If I was needy I would have been blowing up her phone. That wasn't my original question.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2014, 10:30 AM

Don't get defensive, I was merely asking a question to get more information, while stating my opinion.

Is she missing me? Should I reply to her text?

How long would you ignore her texts?

I want her to miss me and want me back.

These are the questions of a guy that thinks he has been dumped in my eyes, and why I asked the questions I did about the nature of this relationship.

Cat1864 · Jul 6, 2014, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by goffmj69

I have backed off if you have read my first post. Ive given her all the space she's asked for by not bugging her. If I was needy I would have been blowing up her phone. That wasn't my original question.

You asked, "Is she missing me?" You have the answer to that question in the form of her trying to contact you. You go on to ask if you should respond and if so when. You go on to say that you want her to miss you so that she will want you back.

Don't play games in an effort to get her to want you more. She contacted you. Respond in the timeframe you normally would dependent on what is going on at the time. If you are busy finish what you are doing then respond. Do not play the "ignore-to-get-her/his-attention" game. It gives the impression that you don't care about communicating with the other person. If you don't respond, why should they try?

She has a lot on her plate right now. She appears to be trying figure out to handle a huge emotional and mental mess as well as financial issues. It sounds like she may need a friend more than anything. Someone who will be understanding and be there when she needs to talk. Someone who won't put pressure on her to fill their own needs. Can you be that person? Is your need to be a romantic couple stronger than your ability to be a friend?

Alty · Jul 6, 2014, 01:17 PM

She's sending mixed messages. She asks for space, then continues to text you, and now you're so confused you don't know what to do.

Girls! I can say that because I'm female.

To me it sounds like she's very immature and doesn't know what she wants. A break for a girl usually means that she wants to break up, but doesn't know how to tell you. She's hoping that by asking for a break, she's sending the message that it's over and she won't actually have to break it off officially.

But this girl asks for a break and then texts you every day. I'd text her back and be very blunt "Either you want a break, or you don't. Which is it? I'm sitting her in knots trying to give you what you want, but then you keep contacting me when you're the one that said you wanted a break from me. So what am I supposed to do? What is it you really want?"

But that's me. I get to the point because I hate playing games in a relationship.