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Love_is_evol · Jul 2, 2014, 03:35 PM

My boyfriends Babymamma just told me he has cheated on me a numerous amount of times with her and I had a recorder which I was sure to bust him out about when I thought he cheated on me, but he stole it and deleted it. His friend told me he did cheat on me.. But he claims I'm crazy and puts it off like he did nothing! What do I do? I want to believe him so bad!

talaniman · Jul 2, 2014, 03:45 PM

You make a decision, do you believe him, or his baby mamma, and his best friend. You must believe them if you were trying to find evidence of the truth in the first place. I don't know who I would believe since I know none of you but you obviously don't trust him very much despite wanting too.

I can tell you that few people are worth this drama though. Baby mama drama, best friend drama, boyfriend drama. Too much drama and conflict for me. How about you?

If you aren't crazy this kind of stuff will drive you crazy eventually. Is he worth the drama, or your sanity?

smoothy · Jul 2, 2014, 04:18 PM

I agree with talaniman... time for a change of scenery. Before you actually do end up crazy.

Dealing with that all time would do it to almost anyone.

joypulv · Jul 2, 2014, 04:25 PM

Throw him out, lock the door, block your phone. The odds of this relationship going anywhere are nil. He's involved with his CHILD'S mother, no matter how you slice it! Whether they are having sex or not, he's involved. Find a man who isn't. That's tough enough.

Love_is_evol · Jul 2, 2014, 07:52 PM

I will say.. you all gave me such great advice, the only thing is.. I love him so much. So much it's already driven me past crazy, actually I was way past crazy at this point. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships and it got so bad that at one point in time I couldn't eat and was classified anorexic. He takes care of me, never bullies me, always boost myself esteem, and everyone knows we r together.

smoothy · Jul 2, 2014, 07:59 PM

Wait until you end up with Herpes and Genital warts... or something else...

Statistically its all a matter of time with the infection rates in certain communities and cities. I don't think he will be so wonderful after that happens.

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 08:05 PM

How can you realistically love someone like this?

Love_is_evol · Jul 2, 2014, 08:06 PM

I just wish there was a way to know if he is lying once n for all. I know the truth in my heart but y does he still refuse to tell me? I lost trust with him a while back because I found out he lied to me.. or in his words, he just figured since it was no big deal to him then y make it one to me. He didn't lie he says he just felt like what I don't know won't hurt me! Which in reality it does! I had a recording of him and brought it to his attention and he cried n swore up n down he would never hurt me again, but he never actually said he did anything. I told him 4 days later I never could listen to the whole thing but I found out he lied and never picked his Babymamma up n went to c the kids directly from there but he met her somewhere insisted she went with him n went to our house to drop things off ours. He said she stayed in the car the entire time and he stayed on the phone with her but how is that possible when his phone was dead the entire time!

Love_is_evol · Jul 2, 2014, 08:08 PM

Here is everything from the start to help you understand a little more.. Sorry to ramble on!
April 2013 I started talking to him again after not speaking to him for about a year, before April of 2013 we were just friends. Then I went home with him to him and his roommates house about a hour away from my home in a very small town, and have been here since. At the time his Babymamma was in drug rehab out of town and called everyday and I encouraged him to answer the phone even if I was around because I know I wouldn't want to be alone in a place like that. They haven't been together for about 3 years at the time.. but she was his occasional "booty call" if he wasn't dating anyone. I fell in love the first week we were together. The time came where he was to go pick her up from treAtment and then he was going to tell her me And him as of that day were officially a couple, and he wasn't going to be with her. He dropped me off at a friends house and picked her up and dropped her off with another guy. A few months went by and things were great or so I thought... I had to get my wisdom teeth surgically cut out on August 27th.. So I go to have the procedure done
And he refuses to stay like the dentist office had requested stating he doesn't do hospitals, or dr offices and there was no point in him sitting and waiting when he could just come back.. So then they OK that, he leaves and picks me up and takes me to his grandparents house and I lay down all gassed up and loopy and he says "I'll be back I gotta run out north to c my brother.." I start crying because I feel really sick and my stomach hurts really bad and I don't want to be alone because I didn't feel right. But he swears he will be only a hour or less.. well I call him after waking up about 1 hr and fifteen minutes later.. no answer... I call again.. no answer.. again I call and at the last ring he picks up, and says he is leaving his brothers and will be to me shortly. He gets there and we go home.that night he gets a picture message from his Babymamma and she has some skimpy school girl outfit on bent over with her butt facing the camera and looking back at it.. I didn't say much except why doesn't he tell her that kind of stuff isn't appropriate.. he claims he can't because since his rights were taking away from his kids if he upsets her he won't c them anymore.. I find he had the pic saved in his phone along with 2 other even more slutty pictures from her.. I get upset and ask him why doesn't he delete them.. He claims there is nothing slutty or sexual or wrong with the pics and he is keeping them.. then he finally deletes them from his phone to satisfy me. He failed to tell me he saved them on his computer and forwarded them to his email.. I got upset because why does he want those if he has me.. so I delete them and he gets pretty upset that I did this.. we move on though... on Friday September 13th.. I have a miss carriage and find out I was a little over 2 1/2 months pregnant and the meds I was taking forced me to lose the baby. He says he was glad I had one because he didn't want a child at the time.. I was so hurt because I didn't think I could even get pregnant and I always wanted to be able to have a baby someday. And so a month later I'm still having complications and go to the emergency room and he drops me off because again he doesn't do hospitals... I'm there alone for 8 hours.. My hormone levels were up still and I lost a lot of blood.. but I was able to then go home.. He picks me up after I still have to wait a hour when it should have taken 10 minutes to get there.. Then a few days later, he falls asleep on the couch and leaves his text plus open which I didn't even know he had.. I took a glance and seen his ex girlfriend that he is practically obsessed with trying to be friends with still, text him saying thanks for coming to c me! He had tried to c her in July.. and the day I got my teeth pulled out he never went to his brothers but to hang out with her claiming all they did was have a 10 minute smoke break outside and he left... n he also had been talking to his Babymamma telling her if she made time next time he was in town they would kick it. They also had a 37 minute conversation over the phone at 345 am. His excuse was what I don't know won't hurt me but he did nothing wrong and never lied to me. So he isn't in the wrong.. Then he continues to text his ex never telling her he had a girlfriend and asking her if she missed him and wish they had still lived one another. And every time he goes to c his kids I'm never invited and expected to sit at his grandparents house with no cell phone, no internet, no computer, nothing.. Then I start getting more suspicious about things and he installed some spy ware on his account and I guess he thought he deleted it but I found the login site and entered in what info I knew and it pulled it up.. I kept viewing bits and Pieces of information and found out he had a incognito text app and was hiding text from his Babymamma and ex girlfriend. They were straight up talking about how I'm nosy and how he has to have his Babymamma act like he is going to c the kids so he can come kick it with her.. Then I start getting more pissed and plant a recorder in my purse on April 29th 2014 and left my purse in the car while I went and visited my younger siblings... He said he was going home to drop some things off then to pick his Babymamma up then to c the kids and would be done by the time I was done. I found out he met up with her at a store then got upset because her boyfriend was going to take her and meet him where the kids were so she ended up riding with my boyfriend to his grandparents house and I heated them downstairs because he took my purse in and I heard noises that only his bed 150%for sure make.. he was there for one hour 56 minutes then headed to her moms. He told me he picked her up then when I busted him out about everything including the fact he had nut all over his boxers yet when we had sex that night he didn't even put those boxers back on. He finally started crying saying he was sorry and all he can say is they didn't have sex and he will never hurt me again and he loves me so much.. days went by I told him I never even listened to the entire thing and was going to make him tell me what I heard.. He stole it from me and deleted it and claimed he never deleted anything yet I got it out of his bag.. And so then he claims he only said all that and cried because he was sick of hearing about it and nothing happened and I have no proof. But that night he was suppose to pick me up at 9 pm and instead my mom took me to my dads where I didn't even hear from him for hours it was 12:30 am on the 30th when he finally got there. He claimed he had been at home cleaning up his room and getting our bags together when the room was clean when we left. His Babymamma tells me last week.. They have had sex on so many occasions she can't count, but he does love me, she has given him oral sex more close to the beginning of our relationship because he hid the fact he was dating me.. Then she said they have sex with out condoms in the car and he still kisses her every time he sees her and he barely tells he he loves her though and the miscarriage she just had could have been hers or her current boyfriends child. And the night of April 29th while I was at my sisters karate lesson they had sex at his grandparents in the basement on the bed just like I had thought. Just the other night I broke down to one of my boyfriends closest friends and asked him if I was crazy and he finally told me yes my boyfriend cheated on me and to let him tell me when he wants because he doesn't know how to tell me, and he is hurting very bad because of how much it's effecting me.. and what I heard on the recorder was what I thought and he deleted it because he didn't want me to keep replaying it over and over and go crazy because of it.. N I can't tell him he told me. I swore on my little brothers grave I wouldn't! Basically I'm wondering how to bust my boyfriend out with hard physical in my hands seen by his eyes proof? N what should I do? He is my best friend, my only friend, the love of my life! How will I ever trust him again? Am I crazy? He says I'm dumb and crazy and if I don't like it then leave because I'm clueless. But I know he is saying that out of anger. I have no where to go no job barely any family no friends.. What do I do? I just need some advice all around please help!
By the way I'm 24 he is 30 n has a job working from home I'm jobless and we are together all the time except for when I visit family or he sees his "kids" supposedly!

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 08:10 PM

So you love a guy that is obviously cheating and disrespecting you even though you say he treats you so well.

So what kind of advice, exactly, are you here for? We're pretty much saying dump him and you're saying how awesome he is and how in love you are so I guess that's not happening. It's not going to get better you know.

What you don't know won't hurt you....THAT says it all right there about how he thinks of you.

Edit- and I didn't even read your last post...holy! That's like one big paragraph!

Love_is_evol · Jul 2, 2014, 08:22 PM

I appologize I just don't have anyone at all to talk to and I'm going through a lot right now and I guess I want to trust him so badly that I can't see the obvious. Or I just don't want to.

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 08:54 PM

Ok, I forced myself to read that....

Really? HE IS CHEATING ON YOU! What more proof do you need? he is cheating. He is disrespecting you. He is treating you like a sack of sh*t...but you love him? HOW?

Also, very kind of him to delete that recording so it didn't hurt you...LOL! How thoughtful of him to try and protect you like that! Wow...

And you need to find a way to bust him? Why? It's obvious...why bust him? tell him you know all about it and it's over and then move on and find someone that will treat you right.

Honestly, I know I'm wasting my time telling you all this. I know your type. You love the bum that is cheating on you and you just keep making excuses and you won't ever leave him....just keep this in mind...he's getting away with it now because you're letting him. He thinks you're an idiot and is playing you...so he will keep doing it and he will do it more often. Even IF you do something about this and he tells you he will stop, you won't be able to trust him because he will go right back to it at the first chance he gets.

Be prepared for a very difficult life with him.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 3, 2014, 03:45 AM

A booty call with the babies mother is very common, esp in some cultures.

The father does it so he gets out of paying child support by keeping the baby mamma thinking, he still cares for her.

A comment you made, he last his rights, I doubt it, unless he was abuseful and CPS took away his rights, he can not lose his rights. I doubt he has any court papers to prove that

He may not have filed for visitation and has not went to court to ask for it. So he does not have a set visitation, but that is far from losing his rights

joypulv · Jul 3, 2014, 03:51 AM

I have no patience for people who complain on and on and then say 'But I love him so much.' That's not love; that's clingy desperate neediness.

Asking us how to get the truth out of him is useless. How does anyone ever know if someone is telling the truth? YOU DON'T.

There's a saying "Sh-t or get off the pot." You either plan to leave or you work out how you are going to stay. You don't go around telling long long long long long stories about how awful he is, and then defend him!

talaniman · Jul 3, 2014, 07:04 AM

What do you expect from staying with a liar, and cheater and if you think he is such a great guy and good for you then maybe you are crazy and need help, because a sane person would be running for the hills with what has gone on so far.

Pay attention and stop lying to yourself as its obvious he is poison to you and any happiness you think you will get. Like a junkie on dope, knowing the dope will destroy them, yet keeps taking it any way and wondering why they are miserable.

Rehab your heart and go home and get help. This isn't love. It's the worst case of insanity, and dependence I have come across and I have seen plenty of cases of hopeless love. I hope you take the suggestions given and do better.

Love_is_evol · Jul 3, 2014, 05:55 PM

He did lose his rights, because the mother did due to drug use and he did because he was on the road traveling with work and wasn't there to take his drug test. So Srs handled it and now the babymammas mother has custody n the only way he can c them is to go through the Babymamma

Maybe your all right, I appreciate the advice, it's just I don't want to believe any of it even though I do!

And the only reason I told such a long story is because I wanted someone to c it from my point of view.. because he always says there's nothing wrong with any of that and I wanted to know if I truly was crazy or not
Thanks everyone. I've got a big decision to make
:'(

smoothy · Jul 3, 2014, 08:49 PM

He didn't loose his rights... he only lost custody... they are WAY different things. Until she is married and the new husband adopts the child... he has his rights... and child support obligations if she has them or decides to get them .

I think you are beginning to see things the way you need to, Most people would never put up with what you have. It only appears less bad than some stuff in your past... but to the rest of us... we see an inexcusable situation none of us would put up with.

talaniman · Jul 3, 2014, 08:57 PM

Cool it with the guys while you get it together and make better choices in romantic partners. The break will do you so much good.

Jake2008 · Jul 4, 2014, 06:14 AM

You need to protect yourself.

The first thing I would recommend is getting some space away from him, and the twisted thinking you have. You need time to think, and as long as you are obsessed with him proving you wrong about who he really is, and you wanting to buy his stories, you will keep hanging on by a thread. You are too close to too much drama to clearly see what is really going on here.

Don't get pregnant. Please don't bring a child into this world under the circumstances you are in. He has already lost his first two children, legally, and probably for good reason. He can't stick around to help you recover from dental surgery- how is he going to be during labor?

His other girlfriend, the mother of his children, is manipulating you like a puppet. And, if you were thinking clearly, you would realize that if he stopped seeing her, that would not change him as a person. He's still a man who lost rights to his children and it is totally bullfeathers that his relationship with her, is to see them. Man, I have some swamp land under a bridge in Florida for sale that you would probably buy...

You are scraping the bottom of the barrel with this loser. Recording him? Do you really need to? Isn't how he treats you enough to knock some sense into your head? That he lost his children is even bigger- he's probably still dealing and using drugs.

You have and continue to have useless games going on to prove that he doesn't lie, cheat, use and deal drugs, and sees his other girlfriend (the mother of the children they both lost). No amount of proof will do, because you will be- again- talked into being wrong, even though you would be right. And what has proof resulted in so far? Absolutely nothing.

And that is what you have with a loser like this man. Absolutely nothing.

Get out, get your life back, move forward, get an education, get a job, get on the pill, and avoid men like him like the plague. The sooner the better.