[Zeus2007]

Hi all,

It's been 1 week of no contact since my first post "obvious rebound" I will recap for you before I get to my observations. I am a single father in a custody battle over our 2 1/2 y/o son. I work with a 30 y/o mother of three who is wanting to divorce her husband of 5 years. The grounds for her divorce are that he has stolen and embezzeled hundreds of thousands of dollars during this period. This is his second marriage also because he cheated on his first wife. He is also manipulative and demeaning< I have witnessed this firsthand. Which brngs me to this point. No contact after 7 day, She found out for sure he was cheating on her with a cellphone text. Then didn't callme for 3 days but when she did she wanted to break it off with me. Ok fine, Now I find out that at a party she had on valentines day she was (playfully According to friends, also saw picture of her acting very out of character "loose behavior" ) kissing a guy she said she had no feelings for. This happened before she broke it off with me. Now I find myself questioning everything.

Here is the point of all this No Contacti is phenomenal. I have gained a great perspective of all this. There are only two options / tracks that are viable here.

1 . She is telling me the truth about not wanting to be with anyone after realizing the failure of her relationship. ( I really want to believe this ) She gave me lots of small details that lies don't contain. She want to move back to Her hometown and get to know herself again. She also said that she can't even think about being with someone after what he has done. I can believe that having talked with several people regarding behavior following their divorce or separation. That one the reality of it strikes it is all encompassing. There are more statements but those are the bigger ones.

2. She got tired of me and is now hooking up with this new guy she had no interest in. ( I obcviusky don't want to believe that someone could do this ) I want to believe she was blowing off steam the night of her party and the kissing was just a carry over of other behaviors that night ( she does carry a lot of stress and may have just gooten carried away trying to capture her lost independence< we talked the day after her party and she told me a lot of what I saw in the pictures)

Now what should I have done prior to all of this. Stayed away. I wanted so much to help this girl. This is the second time I have done something like this. I now refer to it as the white knight syndrome, coming to the rescue, saving the day. It just doesn't work, so anyone who sees someone in need be there but don't get involved these people are in the situations they are in for a reason and only they can get themselve out.

Anyone have any thoughts?

[talaniman]

As much tumoil that her life is in I would not expect her to be relationship material for a long time to come. Honestly I wouldn't invest a lot of emotion right now, no way. Focus on you and your son and let her deal with her issues. She isn't even divorced yet, so back off from this drama.

[Zeus2007]

Here is the rub though I work with girl sometimes like 3-4 times a month. I don't know if I should blow her off or friendly or what. See I don't like being lied to and if she is lying I would like to conrront her and let her know I know and she is just as bad as the man she married.

[talaniman]

Let it go. Why add fuel to the fire at work. Just be polite but keep a healthy emotional distance. You know what the deal is , but don't know all the facts, so leave it alone. Confrontation is really not necessary. Never know what truth you'll uncover being low key.