[11David11]

My best friend's girlfriend and I were just casual friends. But they broke up and then her and I became closer, but nothing more than friends.

She has asked me for advice with other guys so I classified myself as friend zoned. She now calls me her best friend and says Love you! Casually all the time. People even tell her we should date but she just tells them that I am her best friend. Also she always ends up asking me who I like and suggests girls I should talk to but I say I don't like anyone.

So now summer is here and she has came over to my house a couple times and we ended up laying in bed and watching TV. Somehow that turned into cuddling and holding hands. If she is laying down and turned away from me sometimes I will tickle her, she will roll over, lay her head on my chest and I wrap my arm around her. We would just talk and I would notice her just staring at me. Sometimes she would play with my hair.

We have also been to the beach together with a group of friends. She eventually got cold and leaned up against me and said warm me up. So I put my arm around her and rubbed her arm. Then when we were walking she said she was tired so she jumped on my back and I carried her.

Also every time we did hang out has been because of her, I mean I enjoy being around her but she always asks if I want to hang out. Now I'm starting to like her but don't want to say or do anything because I thought she friend zoned me. But I feel if she did like me but I didn't make a move then she would stop liking me, or if she doesn't like me and I do make a move it will ruin the friendship.

I told her my family messed with me saying I had a girlfriend but I told them we are just friends. She said oh that's funny and suggested that she not come over any more but hang out other places.

So do you think she wants to be more than friends? Or am I a really close friend? And if we are just friends why is there so much physical contact?

And I kind of feel bad because that is my bro's ex but he said he wouldn't care if I did go out with her. He is the one who broke up with her and moved on quickly by getting into another relationship two days later.

-I am about to be a senior in high school and she is going to be a junior.

[talaniman]

I keep it friends but think you are way to available and seem to not have some safe personal boundaries since you seem to be afraid to express yourself. You really need to make a decision to either clarify things or recognize you are having too much attachment to just be friends, or cannot handle just being friends. It's a tough call but something has to give.

I think she has latched onto you as a safe person to be with, and any talk of something more than friends would change things very awkwardly, so I get your concerns, but you seem to be led down this path by her and all this friend stuff may benefit her more than you.

Geez guy it's normal to be attached to a friend and want more but do you think you are too attached for your own good? Hope she isn't your only friend but in my book the boundaries of a good friends trumps those other intensely growing feeling that lead to wanting romance. The deciding factor, this is your last year and a new life awaits you.

TOUGH call. I would just backup a bit though. Just me.

[smoothy]

How old are the both of you? THis actually could explain a few things and might change how we see them.

I do agree with talaniman on this... females think very differntly than guys do... and yes being very good friends is very, very different than something more... and you can be great friends but horrible together if you take it further. And like pandoras box... once you go "there", there is no going back 99.9% of the time because it forever changes how you see each other.

Two problems here... she was the ex of a good friend... no matter how you try to do it... its going to present a serious awkwardness on your friendship with him... and if she really does see you as a really good friend... pushing her further could ruin that once and forever.

My advice here... be happy you have such a good friend... don't expect more and don't pine for her or you will poison the friendship... pursue other women... and leave it up to her to make that move. Trust me... females are perfectly capable of letting you know what they want... moreso than most guys are.

Meaning if she gets naked and jumps on you. You have an answer... until then, just be her friend if you can be happy with just having that. And as I said... keep looking at other females. It IS possible to have women who are that close to you where it doesn't have to go that next step... I've had several that fit that description all the time for well over 25 years... and I've been married the last 23. Two of them are my sister-in-laws who are both married and none have or ever had this sort of relationship with anyone else. Because there are boundries that are never crossed by anyone.

[11David11]

I stated that I am about be a senior and she is going to be a junior. But as for our ages I am 17 and she 16.

[talaniman]

Feelings of attraction usually do come when you spend so much time with one female. Pretty natural. Just curious if you have other things you doing your social life besides hanging with her?

Hard to resist fun and attention from a female I know.

[odinn7]

Sounds like she has confused things for you a bit with the cuddling and holding hands thing and to be honest, I can't say what she really wants from you. It's a tough spot to be in that she will do this...something that is usually not what friends do with each other...yet she tells you she wants to be friends with you. It hardly seems fair and really, it isn't. If she wants to be friends, there should be no confusing cuddling...if she wants to go out with you, then she should tell you.

So as others have said, there is a risk involved with telling her that you want to be more than friends. You need to decide if this risk is worth it. Do you want a friend who keeps confusing you this way? I would think this would hurt quite a bit. Maybe you could sit down and talk to her and tell her that she is confusing you. You like spending time with her but what she does makes you feel like there is more than friends going on here. This could go bad though. If it was me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it and I would want it out in the open...even if it meant losing my friend. At least this way, I would know for sure where I stand and I wouldn't need to deal with the mixed signals and confusion anymore.

[11David11]

Yes, my social life contains other things than her. I go to the gym everyday if that counts lol. But also I go to the beach with other friends and hang out with my bros a lot.

[talaniman]

What if she got a boyfriend? Oh wait she has a BEST friend, after being dumped by your buddy. Ever feed a hungry lost puppy? They follow you home. She got dumped and you comforted her right?

[11David11]

Damn I never thought of it that way. But that is true. I guess she just finds comfort from being around me.

Thanks Talaniman

[talaniman]

That's why you should recognize she may not be emotionally ready for romance or even dating others, and back up a bit and stay in control of YOURSELF and not be confused by her attention, or give in to your own feelings at this time. It's summer, and it's easy for a bored teen (male, or female), (YOU, or her) to latch on someone and develop crushes.

Don't mess up a friendship right now, as you never know where friendship leads later when more is revealed, and confusion becomes clarity. Why complicate a good thing?

[Alty]

I'm sorry kiddo, but it sounds like you've been friend zoned. Even worse, it sounds like you've become her gbf, even though you're not gay. To her you're not a sexual being, you're her buddy, someone she can cuddle with, tell everything to, go shopping with, invite out, and there's no fear of you wanting anything more. At least that's what it sounds like to me.

I had many friends like this when I was younger. The guy you consider your best friend, want to do stuff with, hold hands with, cuddle with, because you feel safe with him. Not because you're attracted to him, but because he's your best friend. Sadly most girls don't realize that doing those things sends major mixed messages to the guy.

Look at how girls act with their female friends. Most teen girls are huggy kissy love fests with their friends.

When a girl is romantically interested in a guy, that's when she usually stop the cuddling and hand holding, because then it means something.