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Righthearted · Apr 30, 2007, 05:20 AM

I am giving her space, haven't made contact in 4 days and will go another week- but I might see her at church (and if we see each other at church? That's another thing everyone in our church knew we were a couple and now if we don't sit together people will notice.) it's just so damned hard. I'm so afraid that she'll meet someone new and I know that's not why we broke up.

Jiser · Apr 30, 2007, 06:05 AM

Well go to another church? Meet new people, new friends, new way of life!

SAB123 · Apr 30, 2007, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

i'm so afraid that she'll meet someone new.

Come the relaization that it is over rite now, because that is exactly what she is going to do.I'm finely coming to terms that yes she is going to be with someone else and it sucks because I can't picture her with anybody but me. I loved her, but I don't even want her back if she comes back again. So move on your 35 like me, and were not getting any younger.

Righthearted · Apr 30, 2007, 09:57 AM

Just one last thing - after I sent her the email about how I felt - I posted it here. She didn't even respond and I can't figure out why.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 30, 2007, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Just one last thing - after I sent her the email about how I felt - I posted it here. she didn't even respond and i can't figure out why.

Who cares why. It is over.

Joe

SAB123 · May 1, 2007, 07:37 AM

Because she has moved on and so should you! I told my ex about 3 weeks ago to leave me alone FOREVER and there are things that are becoming so clearer that she did and said to hurt me. I feel like a damn idot now but I'm so stronger now then I was a month ago. And yes I still miss her but and don't want to be friends with someone who used me. And if you do NC you will also start to heal and clear your head and you may not want her back IF she comes back.

Righthearted · May 4, 2007, 08:17 AM

My girlfriend and I broke up about a week ago because she needs to figure out who she is - career, friends, identity all up in the air for her right now. It's because of this that I believe she broke up with me. We were together for almost 2 years - and we even talked about marriage, we were practically living together (I never put any pressure on her) . She's younger than I am, just graduated from college last year.

Anyway it's been a little over a week now and she hasn't called/contacted me - my question is and I know I have to give her space, but how long should I wait before contacting her to see how she's doing?

Thanks - for any advice.

J_9 · May 4, 2007, 08:22 AM

Let her contact you. She said she needed space so give her all the space she needs and she will contact you when and if she is ready.

mrsabbay · May 4, 2007, 08:39 AM

Don't wait to long. A week or maybe 3 is long enough. If you guys are sill in love and your relationship is worth saving than do so. Don't just let her walz out of life. Besides there is nothing wrong with checking on the woman you love. How the two of you feel about each other is all that really matters.
I wish you the best of luck and more happiness than your heart can hold

SAB123 · May 4, 2007, 08:47 AM

I would leave her alone, let her have her space. Because I think if you call her you will push her away. If you are hurting heal yourself and find the person you where before you met her.

ceriphante · May 4, 2007, 08:54 AM

OK rolling on with the brutal answer here...

Mm I think personally that guys should deliberately misinterpret 'need space' as 'it's over' and start to get on with life without the 'ex' as per se, this shows her you have backbone and iniative to explore your own feelings rather than living and breathing for her every word like a puppy dog, further to that it also proves to her that you do not NEED her to be happy but when she is part of your life she is a positive influence.

More importantly though it proves to you yourself that you can live life without her and be happy...

Righthearted · May 4, 2007, 09:46 AM

That's the irony - from the very beginning she was the one that had to be together all the time - she moved really fast. She was all I knew, and she didn't really have her own friends, interests - direction and that's something she has to work on. I love her so much and I want her to be happy, I just want to be there for her and not let our love get swept under all this. So I should just wait to see if she calls me? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm older than she is but I have never gone by life's plan of this has to be done by this date etc. So I want to hold out and wait, but I can't figure out why she would push the one thing in her life away that she knows she can count on.

ceriphante · May 4, 2007, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

That's the irony - from the very beginning she was the one that had to be together all the time - she moved really fast. She was all I knew, and she didn't really have her own friends, interests - direction and that's something she has to work on. I love her so much and I want her to be happy, I just want to be there for her and not let our love get swept under all this. So I should just wait to see if she calls me? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm older than she is but I have never gone by life's plan of this has to be done by this date etc. So I want to hold out and wait, but I can't figure out why she would push the one thing in her life away that she knows she can count on.

Sometimes in order to grow you have to.. . change things...
People change with time their outlooks expand horizons and points of view change, and if you really want her to be happy, you need to be happy yourself, I mean if she really cares for you then she wouldn't want to see you unhappy right?
Love is never washed under it always lives on in the heart, true love is unconditional and without boundaries or needing an explanation, if you really love this girl and she loves you back then things will work out regardless of what you do right now, so why not enjoy yourself and not having to answer to anyone for a while and go out and try all the things you maybe never did while you were with her?

Regardless, good luck whichever way this goes..

Righthearted · May 4, 2007, 12:24 PM

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? I know it will get back to her so maybe not. I am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? So confused.
Perhaps if I vanish she'll miss me? I don't know.

ceriphante · May 4, 2007, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? i know it will get back to her so maybe not. i am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? so confused.
perhaps if i vanish she'll miss me? i don't know.

Don't contact her parents
That will really freak her out she'll call u bad names n stuff too probably..
Your heart is in the right place but its leading your mind to possibly hurt yourself over this
Oh don't vanish as in like not answer her calls n stuff, just.. if she does call sound busy, and keep yourself busy, if she doesn't miss you then she wasn't worth it hey?

If you truly love someone you set them free.

talaniman · May 4, 2007, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? i know it will get back to her so maybe not. i am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? so confused.
perhaps if i vanish she'll miss me? i don't know.

I wouldn't bring her family into this at all and the same goes for friends. I think, as others have pointed out, you should go on with your own life, and leave her alone. If she hasn't called you in 2-3 months then you know for sure you made the right decision to find your own happiness. Sorry dude, you must give her what she asked for.

Geoffersonairplane · May 4, 2007, 12:44 PM

Give her the space she needs, she needs her space right now and any pressure you put on her will push her away further. Right now, as difficult as it may be, you must not put your life on pause, get busy and carry on your daily routine. What will be will be (as the saying goes). You can't change someone's mind for them, you can guide them but ultimately life decisions need to be made within and she will be the one to make this one. This is a painful thought but it may be that you may need to accept that this is over for good... I had to go through this and it was very hard.

Its still very early days though for you though so it is best not to speculate too much on what will happen.

honeysucklebird2418 · May 4, 2007, 01:05 PM

Well if I was you I would try to talk to her about you wanting to still be in a romantic relationship. But if she doesn't want to give it another chance try to be friends. If you can't take it just being friends then you need to stop. Because sometimes it is to hard to friends with someone that you have been in love with for two years. Just wait is all I really can tell you! I wish you the best luck!

Righthearted · May 4, 2007, 01:15 PM

Thanks everyone. It is really hard and yes I am listening to everyone. After a month or so is that too early to contact her if she hasn't tried to get in touch with me? I just don't know.
1 month - 2 months - 3 months? We are mutual friends of a bride to be in July (she's the one that introduced us) I hope she doesn't NOT attend the wedding because of me.
Thoughts?

Geoffersonairplane · May 4, 2007, 01:32 PM

Leave it at least 2 months, perhaps even 3 months of no contact but don't hold out on false hope here. Letting her contact you would be far better than making the first move but you must do what you think is right.

Space means space and no contact gives her that. However, in time if she does not contact you, no contact will become a source of your healing.