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teddington · Jun 16, 2014, 02:39 PM

An ex of 11 years ago came back and after 11 years of no contact wanted to give it a go . After 4 weeks he said he wanted to move in . Bunches of flowers followed and said he loved me. 11 years ago he dumped me for another girl and told me he would never love me. He now dumped her and is living in the house they bought together . Is he genuine or not ?

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 04:02 PM

After 4 weeks move back in? I'd say hell no. Give it a few years dating to see if he's changed at all.

My guess... he's heavily in debt, owes a lot of people, and sees a chace to mooch off you or get you to pay the bills for him.

And I'm speaking as a guy.

Cat1864 · Jun 16, 2014, 04:06 PM

4 weeks of contact after 11 years of silence. He dumped you for another female and now it appears he dumped her and wants 'to move in.' I am guessing he means to move in with you since he probably can't buy out her share of their house and it will have to be sold.

I wouldn't believe a word he says at this point in time. He seems to looking for a new home or someone to buy out his most recent ex. I would choose to stay out of the mess his life is becoming.

Did he really dump her or did she get wise and leave him? If he cheated on you with her, I would bet he has cheated on her with others. I wouldn't want someone who cheated on me back in my life even if he came with a florist shop and all the romantic cards from hallmark. I wouldn't be able to trust him. Do you think you can?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 16, 2014, 04:42 PM

I would not believe a word this guy says. He must need another place to live. I certainly would not let someone move in with me after 4 weeks and years of no contact.

Alty · Jun 16, 2014, 04:47 PM

Obviously you're having reservations about this, hence the reason you posted your question. Go with your gut. Obviously your gut is telling you to be weary.

He dumped you 11 years go, no contact, and now he suddenly wants you back in his life, wants to live together, when he told you 11 years ago that he could never love you. So what's changed suddenly? Until 4 weeks ago he hadn't been in contact with you for 11 years. You're both different people. He didn't love you then, but suddenly loves you now? Why?

I'm betting he's in a bind, has no place to go, is about to lose everything, and he knows you're a good enough person to forgive, forget, and help him get back on his feet. I'd bet that once his financial and other issues are over with, he'll dump you again.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2014, 05:00 PM

Yes, definitely be wary. You are now his "soft place" to fall (or regroup). Do you really want to be that soft place?

I had a work-phobic male friend (am using that word loosely, by the way) who did that. When one girlfriend or wife dumped him or he got tired of the current one (and the money had gone down the drain), he'd search his memory and mental address book for the most likely female possibility he knew from his past whom he thought he could con into another fling. The last time I heard from him, he was looking for Wife #6 or whatever old girlfriend who might support him while he searched for Wife #6.

talaniman · Jun 16, 2014, 09:09 PM

Doesn't make sense to give a guy another chance after he dumped you 11 years ago. Totally illogical to invest your time on a blast from the past. You wasted time on him long ago so why is this time different? What's changed?

He is likely losing his own home and needs a place to stay.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 16, 2014, 09:29 PM

I do not even know why you have given him 4 weeks.

He is without a girlfriend, and most likely needs to move. You were easier than finding someone new... yet...

Go with gut, something not right

teddington · Jun 17, 2014, 09:22 AM

I just want to thank you for your comments. I finished the ralationship with this guy a month ago as I had exactly the same view as all of you . I told him no , he wasn't moving in and that at a guess he needed to sell his place and that I bet his mortgage was a big one - 800 pounds per month . He had another house he rents and didn't want to move back as would lose the rent were my thoughts .

He admitted his recent house was a burden . He did have an affair and went back and then she moved out leaving him to pay the mortgage. I refused to move in and pay her debt and he offered to sign a pre nup to move here - smacked of desparation to me and not for the right reasons which I told him. My feeling was that I was a soft place to regroup , that he wanted to mooch off me and when out of his crisis would move on . I told him it wasn't my mess. He was moving too fast , over doing it with gifts but whilst we were on holiday asked me for money twice and when I asked him to get me a cornetto at the bar he asked me for ten euros then came back and said he wasn't paying those prices for a cornetto and put my money in his pocket . He asked me to buy sun lotion and intended paying but disappeared from the shop , then said he wasn't paying those prices for suntan lotion having let me pay . Then an hour later asked for 20 euros to buy drinks then wanted a taxi to the hotel instead of the free bus and I tested how far he could go by paying then said how I felt back at the hotel . He gave me one seventy pounds back to pay for my dogs in kennels and admitted to being wrong . On return he didn't want me to have much space , and I need it at present to look after dad who has almzheimers and is struggling with mums death 8 months ago . I kept warning him to ease off but in the end felt he was putting me under pressure asking me to move in with him if he couldn't move here . I id I thought he was on the rebound and I would come off worst . I finished it one night due to him trying to railroad me . I haven't had contact with him despite him trying at first. So why did I want your opinion if I had already done it - well I am low due to mum dying , vulnerable at the weekend and didn't want to give in . I was sure my instincts were right but your views have reinforced it so thank you to all of you very much..

Alty · Jun 17, 2014, 03:23 PM

So glad you ended it. When it comes to matters of the heart never let someone force you into something just because you're feeling a bit weak because of what life is throwing at you. This guy is a user, and a dud. You deserve better.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, and your dad as well. There is a great group of people on this site. If we can offer any support during this difficult time, just ask.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2014, 03:38 PM

Sorry to hear about your mom and what you are going through with your dad. You made the right decision.
I wish you well.

teddington · Jun 17, 2014, 06:13 PM

Thanks again , yes its hard losing you parents if you had a good relationship with them. . And it was an unexpected situation with my mum and not nice for her . I have a sister and two brothers and though we don't socialise we share looking after dad . I am getting to know more about almzeimers , it's a big thing in England with the government putting money in to recognise and treat it more. I think in terms of the man he had his own agenda and I can't do stress at the moment ! Thanks again to everyone for good advice..