[lileeob]

I just want to make it clear that I'm not asking anyone to tell me what I should do, I'm only asking others of their opinions on what they would do if they were in this situation. I have my own ideas, and understand I must trust my own self because I'm the only one who knows my ex personally. I just feel as though I would like to know what others would do, because I feel very guilty, as it's his first fathers day. My baby is breast fed, is 5mnth old, and we currently do not have a custody agreement but we are going to court soon. I want him to spend fathers day with her, but I am fearful he won't give her back. He has tried to take her in the past, and also refused to give her back. So, understandably, I have a reasonable concern, even though he promises that he will never act that way again. In the past I have let him see her everyday while I was close by, and we have met in public places. But recently he went to children's aid and told them I was crazy, because he was upset that I wouldn't let him bring her to the hospital to see his dad, who has MRSA. Since he has not been very trustworthy, or even nice, to me, I know I shouldn't feel bad for protecting myself and my baby. But, he is her dad, and I so still feel bad. I want them to be close, but this situation is a long process and it's stressful! I feel speaking to other parents helps a lot, how would any of you deal with this?

[Wondergirl]

If there is no court order in place, I would allow him to visit with his daughter, but only with me, the mom, there too. But that's just me. You have to do what you feel is right for your and your child's mental and physical health and physical safety

[tickle]

He hasn't got his head in the right place if he wanted to take his new baby girl to the hospital to visit with a person who has MRSA.

He doesn't have to take your baby for a visit alone with him, especially if she is breastfeeding. Yes, I know you could provide breast milk for him to do that, but just the same, there is no reason why he can't visit the baby with you present, or even in another room, or perhaps at a park.

[Precious7]

I agree with wondergirl, but one more think I'll do if I am in that situation, If I really don't trust my husband around my child, I'll make sure that whenever I let him see the child I'll not be alone, I'll have someone with us! A third person, a friend or family! Not hanging all the time in front him but they will be present at home! And I'll rarely meet with him alone. Don't know when their mind changes! But that's me! Do what you think is right for you and your child! :)

[ScottGem]

Since you posted this under the Children forum and not Family Law, I'll skip the legal issues since you seem to understand them. I would act the same way you are. He has not proven himself responsible. You let him know that until he does prove himself, you will not let him have the baby alone unless a court orders it.

[talaniman]

I go along with you on this one as who would really trust a nut you don't trust with a baby, even if its his.

[AK lawyer]

Since you posted this under the Children forum and not Family Law, I'll skip the legal issues since you seem to understand them. ...

I'm not so sure of that.

And the "legal issues" depend upon some facts which OP has not disclosed to us.

Are OP and the father married? Is the father on the birth certificate?

If the answer to either of these questions is "yes", in most states the father has as much right to have the baby as OP does, absent a court order.

[DoulaLC]

Given your experience with him from before, I can understand your concerns. I agree with the others. Set up a place and time, the park perhaps, to meet with him. You could even make it a bit of a family gathering so that you are not alone. Use the fact that you are breastfeeding as a reason why you need to be available.

[lileeob]

I'm not so sure of that.

And the "legal issues" depend upon some facts which OP has not disclosed to us.

Are OP and the father married? Is the father on the birth certificate?

If the answer to either of these questions is "yes", in most states the father has as much right to have the baby as OP does, absent a court order.

We are not married, I gave her his last name but that does not mean anything, the fact that he tried to take off with her and has threatened to have her ''wet nursed'' behind my back goes to show he is not reasonable. In Canada, my lawyer made it clear to me I do not even have to speak to him, let alone let him see his child, if I don't want to due to his bizarre behavior. I did not ask for legal advice, so imdo not know why I am being given legal advice. I have a lawyer for that, I asked for opinions from parents. Thank you. I also just want to clarify that I don't keep his daughter away from him, but since he went to CAS and made allegations against me because he was upset, I have to start being more careful and stop being so nice. Before that, he was seeing her everyday.

[ScottGem]

This site is a little different from other sites. You can't dictate who answers your question nor how they answer. The fact remains that you have legal issues here. Once he is declared the legal father, he will have rights. What those rights are will be decided by a court. So AK was within his rights as a member of this site to bring up the issue. You had the choice to ignore his post or respond. You chose to respond and answered his concerns. You have an attorney. End of that part of the story.

[lileeob]

This site is a little different from other sites. You can't dictate who answers your question nor how they answer. The fact remains that you have legal issues here. Once he is declared the legal father, he will have rights. What those rights are will be decided by a court. So AK was within his rights as a member of this site to bring up the issue. You had the choice to ignore his post or respond. You chose to respond and answered his concerns. You have an attorney. End of that part of the story.

If we can agree than the court won't have to decide for us. But I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just stating that I wasn't looking for legal advice.

[ScottGem]

If we can agree than the court won't have to decide for us. But I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just stating that I wasn't looking for legal advice.

Actually that's not 100% accurate. The court has to approve any parenting plan you agree to. Usually they will do so, but its not a guarantee.

[AK lawyer]

If we can agree than the court won't have to decide for us. But I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just stating that I wasn't looking for legal advice.

Then what's this thread doing in the "Family Law" forum?

[ScottGem]

Some one moved it. As I noted in my initial response, it was posted in the Children's forum. I'm moving it back.

[Jake2008]

I'm a little late replying to this post.

You asked for opinions on what other parents, particularly mothers, would do in your circumstances.

There would be no doubt with me, that it was in the best interest of the child, that the father does not have access. All that you have stated, would have me scared out of my mind that he would abduct the child, or again call the CPS, or do any other desperate thing to gain control over his child.

He is not thinking of the child's welfare, otherwise he would not do what he has already done. My opinion this is a matter of control.

Men like this (and women too), are known to have abducted their own children, and leave the country. Men like this likely have their families backing them up.

I'd say you would be very foolish to allow this man access to this child.

Please rely on your lawyer's advice. Stop the visits. Go through with whatever court process you have to, in order to secure the safety of this child.

To do otherwise is not in the best interest of this child.